www.incontinentsupport.org

I typically have a very heavy flow and regular absorbency nappies just don't help much. I've tried wearing regular absorbency nappies but they typically fill up so quick I end up having to change too often. So I end up wearing extended wear nappies which, no matter how high quality they are always end up having some bulk.
Tight or snug fitting pants make it fairly obvious I have something on. I only have a couple pair of loose pants and end up wearing some less relaxed fit pants a few days ago. I thought I was fine but my wife was standing behind me and told me how obvious it was. I can't get away with going out without wearing some protection now but can't afford a new wardrobe.
Does it get easier in time to accept this and not be so embarrassed? I get really paranoid sometimes that people will notice or think I'm a weirdo.
I'm especially sensitive where it involves having to wait to pick up my boy after his class lets out. I don't want him to be teased because of me. But I can't guarantee I won't have any accidents in the amount of time I have to wait. I took a little survey a few weeks ago about whether I need to wear nappies or not. Funny it said I only need to wear sometimes, like when I'm going to have an accident. But if I knew when I was going to have an accident then it really wouldn't be an accident would it? In other words, even though I might only have an urgent need 3/5 times, I don't know when those 3/5 times will occur so I need to wear 5/5.

There are certainly some higher absorbancy diapers out there that don't have near as much bulk to them, but still perform at the top of the list. Any of them are going to swell, but some not so much as others. What are you currently using, and have you tried any of the other higher end diapers? XPMedical offers samples here http://www.xpmedical.com/samples.html , as do some other companies such as Cheap Chux http://www.cheapchux.com/samples.html . Poke around online, you mau find success in wearing something that is less noticeable, it is a lot of trial and error unfortunately, as everyone is different in their needs and how far they need to last during the day, Puffy

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Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

I can only offer my thoughts as a very active middle aged man with complete bladder incontinence at night and partial (sometimes complete) during the day. First of all the embarrassment should come from having accidents and not from the protection you wear! I often wear "extended wear" disposable briefs such as the Wellness or Molicare and the first thing I did was buy clothing that would hide my situation. Once I found what works it was such a huge weight of stress that was gone and if you are stressing about what people can see then you are doing something wrong.
I remember my incontinence coach at the VA telling me that the freedom and confidence you will gain wearing "protection" will easily offset any personal issues of thinking that everybody can see or know what you wear. I remember her telling me to find what works and move on.
After several months it seems to get easier with time but it's important to find what's comfortable and reliable!

I couldn't of said it better!

Buy a couple more pairs of loose fitting pants so you have 4 or 5 pairs that hide your protection well and enjoy life. If you wear jeans look at Wrangler Relaxed Fit. They are good quality and not very expensive. Lee also makes a great quality relaxed fit jean.

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When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

That fear that our diaper will show affects all of us; some more than others. It is usually only a "big" worry in the beginning as we are so self-conscious when we first wear a diaper. We know we are wearing and so does our spouse, so we think it shows up really bad. But the reality, as has been said over and over, is people don't pay that much attention to our back sides to notice if things are a bit "poofy". I'm sure when I'm viewed from behind, some will think of me a "fat ass" and nothing more.

In spit of all the assurances you get from us, that people won't notice that you are wearing a diaper, it still comes down to the passage of time, and your getting used to the idea and your finding that people really don't notice!

Puffy has mentioned XP Medical and that is a great site to peruse and shop for diapers!

I will recommend the new arrival: Tena Slip Maxi, that XP is now importing. They're nothing like the Tena diapers made here in the States; it is an excellent Euro diaper, high capacity but very thin. To me it seems to be half the thickness of an Abena, it sure is significantly thinner than the Abena or the Molicare while boasting a capacity that is better than that of the thicker diapers.

It is on the expensive side at $1.60 per diaper but if it helps gets you past your self consciousness and let's you enjoy being out and about, it could be well worth it. And, again I say, with the passage of time and your gaining experience, that fear of "everyone" noticing that you are wearing a diaper will fade away!

JoeK

I'm getting more used to this, although there are days that I am simply tired of it. I have to pick up my son from school each day, I'm one of the few fathers waiting outside with lots of mothers. Cold days are great, I can wear a long coat and nobody is any wiser. But on warm days I feel self conscious when I bend over or sit trying to be sure my shirt doesn't ride up my back exposing my beltline. Or on days when I'm pretty busy and don't have time for a change and everything begins to sag. I wear an oversized pair of underwear to help hold the nappy shape but it's not completely effective. At least now I know what I can say to people if I ever have to explain it, I have a blockage preventing me from voiding which creates much more urgent and frequent visits to the bathroom and sometimes I just can't make it in time. I just can't afford to visit the bathroom every ten minutes.

Feeling like everyone is watching you is very normal in the beginning & I went through the same thing. That will pass I promise. Finding the right combination that works for you is an issue all in itself as everyone is different. Needing to find a bathroom every 10 minutes is nuts and I know that feeling. I have changed my habits over the years where I now find my changing times and I stick to it. I use a quality diaper with a quality booster pad and have figured out what times are proper for me to change. From there I just let nature take it's course. I do not slave myself to the bathroom anymore. I don't worry about leaks & most of all I don't worry what others think. And I really don't think they think anything at all and even if they did... don't concern yourself with it. There is no shame in a disability! That's the mindset you will get into. As for clothing I always cover my diaper with PUL pants & use those tee shirts that have the snaps in the crotch. Now everything is held in place. I also for working around the house or just out & about wear those bib overalls. When I go out to eat or get into social gatherings I've bought larger pleated pants. These days unless I'm on this board I don't even think of it. It's become part of life just like anything else. A little work & trying out different products you will get there too and being consumed in what to wear and if somebody notices will all be a distant memory. Good luck to you

I have struggled with bladder incontinence due to Cauda Equina Syndrome (small tumor on the base of my spine) for most of my life, and have been in diapers since 1987. After dealing with frequent wettings and inadequate protection for decades, it was actually a welcome relief to find readily available adult diapers.

I have been blessed by a supportive wife and understanding children. I am open, but discrete about my incontinence. Wearing diapers is "my normal", and my kids have grown up not knowing any different. In fact, it has given them an appreciation for those with disabilities.

As others here have suggested, wearing pants with a waist size one bigger than your actual size works well. Wearing your shirt outside of your pants is common now, and that helps too. My wife can detect the diaper bulk under my pants, but she knows that I am wearing them. I suspect that it would not be noticeable to most people, and if it was, it is probably because they or someone in their family wears a diaper.

Your wife didn't do you much of a favour.

The pants I wear are the most relaxed I can reasonably get. Beyond that, the people around me can live with it.