www.incontinentsupport.org

The other day, I had 3 cases of Abena diapers arrive for me courtesy of the VA. I opened the box and began putting the packages in my closet stacked up neatly. My 5 year old says "Whats in the box daddy?" I didn't answer. Next came "Oh I see, they are just your diapers!" I think its time to give him the run down on the diapers and why I wear them. He's a smart kid. I'm sure he'll understand. I'm just going to break it down to him easy. Saying that my bladder is broken and doesn't work properly. So I can't hold my pee like everybody else. I think he'll understand. He's never even asked in the past. But I think he's getting old enough to understand.

I have a sister who is seven years old. Since I don't exactly live with my parents, the subject never has to come up with my sister. However, when she was younger and always begging me to tell her stories, I made up this little ditty on the spot.

The story was about how a mommy and daddy went to buy a van so they could prepare for the bigger family. And how when they went to the "car store" (she was three-ish at the time) they got to look at hundreds of cars and see which one they wanted.

If the car used to much gas, they could get one that used less. If they didn't like the tires, they could change those. They could even change the color of the car.

Later in the story when the baby comes around, the baby grows up to need glasses. And I basically explained in the story that mommy and daddy can choose the car, but we don't get to choose our bodies.

We don't get to walk around a huge lot of bodies and say, "Oh, I'm going to have that one because it will make me a faster runner." We get stuck with the body we're born in and we have to deal with everything, including the bad stuff.

I don't know if my sister is going to take anything away from that. But the idea behind the story is to prepare her for dealing with people who have all kinds of differences, including bladder issues.

_________________
Asperger's is a Word. It is not Who I am. Feel free to ask me anything about it.

My 5 yr old caught me in just a diaper and t-shirt. How can I ever lecture him again about how he is to old to sleep in diapers again?

Don, I think at 5 you are in a good position to have a talk with him, kids can be very surprising at how they react and handle some of the things that we think they would have trouble on. You're his dad, and nothing you tell him is going to make him, at 5, think anything differently about you. Puffy

_________________
Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

Tell him the truth, and tell him that diapers are something people wear when they need them. If he doesn't need them, he doesn't need them.

My daughter came up with her own reason. She and her brother are adopted and we had already explained to them that we couldn't concieve because "Dad hurt his penis a long time ago." That is true. I suffered a testicular injury before puberty, so it's not a big surprise that I can't produce enough sperm to make that happen.

So she asked me about why I needed diapers, and then she said "Oh, it must be because you hurt your penis." I don't know if my that's true exactly, but it's possible enough to believe. I have had a doctor remark that I looked "underdeveloped" down there. Who knows if that affected my continence. At any rate, it works as an explanation.

My children have grown up with Me being disabled. As well as needing a nurse to visit daily and My mother etc. I sleep in a hospital style bed on a incontinence pad. There are bags of diapers pads boosters and changing supplies around. It would have been impossible to hide all this. We all talked various times as a family about it. Its to be kept private in the home. They understand I can't walk or have much use of My body. Therefore have no control of My bodily functions. Its no big deal. We have other friends dealing with profound disabilities and homecare. They have seen it all in that respect. I think. Chidren can be more mature about this stuff then You might think. At first I was worried They would say something in public or to the wrong person or friends. But I think as it turns out none of My three girls have any interest in letting anybody else know their mother needs a diaper LOL.

Brandie,
I too think kids can be very mature about certain topics. I have two young boys aged 6 and 4. They have seen my incontinence supplies plenty of times and have seen me in them on a few occasions. I try to keep it private but sometimes it can't be helped. My children have shown remarkable maturity when it comes to my health problems. They know that sometimes, daddy has to go to the hospital because he is sick. They have seen the diapers and medications but they have never joked or let slip my condition in public. My children have never embarassed me in a public (or private) setting. They have been absolutely wonderful about the whole thing and I am proud of them. My primary condition is Bipolar Disorder. I just hope that it passes them by and they do not get it.

Ani, first of all you should see your doctor. Incontinence is nothing to be ashamed of. The doctor will treat is no differently than if you had any other problem with your body working correctly.

In my case it was easy to let the family know. My mom told my wife about me being incontinent. Boy was I unhappy about that, but in the end it did not matter to her. I spose it was reasonable for her to tell as I was being medically discharged for incontinence and my future wife was wanting to know what was the problem. My wife's biggest concern is waking up to a wet bed. As a result she spends more time making sure I have everything I need to keep me and the bed dry day and night. =)

As for our 2 children knowing about me being incontinent, they grew up with me wearing diapers. When they got to the point of becomming potty trained they would occassionally ask when I was going to get potty trained. We simply told them that my body was broken and I could not hold it. They were more than happy with that. As they got older, they did aske what was the cause of the problem. We told them and they have never seemed to have any issue with this.

Terry

What a wonderful way of explaining to kids using an anecdote, how we often times get broken bodies either at birth or later on in life and how we cant control it.

My daughter knows. She is 4 years old. at her age, especially with her in pull ups and not close to potty training yet, she just thinks im a strange adult who wear diapers. she is too young to understand the why of it. what i do know is that she still loves me, she still respects me, still comes to me for her 4 year old needs and our relationship nor her view of me hasnt changed. She just asks me every time she gets told to go and try to potty, : daddy, you need to go potty too?

one day she will be at an age to understand if she asks, why i have to wear diapers. in the mean time, i have discovered the why isnt important. im okay with being strange as long as she loves me.

_________________
http://diaperdad.weebly.com my incontinence blog. adventures of a 30 year single dad who deals with urinary and bowel incontinence. parents learn and get luvs. I learned and got my self.