www.incontinentsupport.org

Has anyone here just said "enough is enough"? After so many years of trying to wear conventional underwear, I'm almost to the point of giving in to diapers. Some days when I go unprotected at home I have minimal problems; other times not. When I wear a diaper it sometimes becomes over kill...I need tape on diapers not pull ups, and it becomes wasteful. At night I wear pin on cloth diapers, and I can go nights being dry, and then other times I'll be wet several nights in a row. Maybe I should just accept it is what it is. Some nights and days dry, some days not. How do others manage the inconsistency of incontinence?

dp66, my incontinence is such that at home and office, where a toilet is (nearly) always available, I don't need protection. So I can relate to what you say. Yet accidents sometimes happen. So I have put diapers and embarrassment on the scales and I have decided that not being embarrassed by accidents is better than the annoyance of having to wear a daily pull-up. It has always seemed like a waste to toss my daily dry diaper out. Yet I know that it has given me the assurance of no embarrassing accidents. It has served its purpose. And if accidents never occurred, I would stop wearing it immediately.

But when I am away from home, the situation changes radically. I don't know how long I'll be without access to a toilet. I don't know if I can get to one fast enough when the urge strikes. So I find the planning ahead to be a problem. This weekend there was some question about whether we were staying and then leaving from my daughters place for some venue, or coming home first (so that I could change). This indecision forced me to diaper up because I didn't know if I needed to last 5 hours, or not. That was uncomfortable but I made it. This planning ahead business can drive you batty because nobody else around you will give it a second thought.

I think in your situation, I would accept the situation and not count the waste. I know it is frustrating but the unpredictability is offering you little choice. Think of your "overkill" as an insurance policy. Whether used or not, it has served its purpose.

It is what it is. Unpredictability is part of life.

We are dealing with "risk management." Each of us approaches that a little differently. IMHO, those who seem to cope most effectively are those who have reached a point of "total acceptance."

A little bit of "overkill" may not really be necessary, but it may give you a bit more assurance. I am equally guilty of that.

Diapers are just my underwear. I would not show my underwear to strangers. I treat my diapers the same way. I am not ashamed of my incontinence or wearing diapers. Why should I be? It is just personal and private.

--John
(double incontinent)

DP66. What Wayne has said is absolutely true! Better to walk around in the outside world with the confidence of not being embarrassed by a wet spot on yourself or, worse yet, a puddle between your legs. And if that confidence means having a pad, a diaper, or even something else, so be it.

Another option that you might consider and what has worked out for me is cloth during the day. While at home, I pretty much exclusively use cloth protection. But if I’m going to be out and about any length of time (usually more than two hours), then I switch to disposables. The convenience of a disposable and the protection/confidence it gives me is worth any cost or waste I might incur. But while at home, the super cost savings of Velcro’s cloth is very much worth it.

Hang in there. Lord willing, you will soon find that “medium“ to be able to manage your situation and continue to live life!

I have been incontinent to some degree for most of my life. Pads and diapers have been a norm for me so there’s not been a transition period for me, though I have had to accept the need for better, more absorbent products over the years. I’ve settled into a system that works for me which consists of mainly pin on cloth diapers. I’ve chosen cloth over disposable due to the comfort factor (mostly), but that’s not to say that disposables aren’t a large part of my life.
There have been emotional issues over the years regarding acceptance of my deteriorating urine control but overall, I’d like to think that I’ve handled it okay. Because of some birth defects and MS, I have thought of myself as “broken” and sometimes get into a depression “hole” for days at a time. Fortunately, I have a loving family that helps me find my way out of the depths of that hole and cope, all without mind altering drugs. Staying as busy as possible also helps a lot!
I’ve never felt like it’s “normal” to pin on a diaper, like simply pulling on underwear, but the reality of it is that I know that I need the protection and do what has to be done.
I read posts here and view claims from diaper manufacturers who claim massive hours and liter+ of urine between changes…. I suppose a Megamax (as example) would be a good choice for mega-setters overnight, or for those unable to change for several hours at a time, but otherwise, why would you want to not change? I change a cloth diaper every ~3-4 hours (depending on leakage) during the day and use adequate layering at night to assure a good night sleep. I might go 6 hours or maybe more with a disposable, but at that point, it’s gross! Rule of thumb: if it feels wet and uncomfortable, for skin’s sake, change!

I found that when I started wearing appropriate protection 24/7 it was a huge reduction in my anxiety and gave me a lot of confidence that I wouldn't have an embarrassing accident, it was well worth the price of the diapers. That said you might want to try wearing a premium pull-up with a male guard pad. You can quickly (and inexpensively) change out the pad as needed and I've found that very often the pull-up isn't wet at all and can be worn another day. This also will allow you to easily use a bathroom when available. I use this combination when on vacation and it works very well for me and really reduces the bulk of protective products I have to pack.

Hi dp66,

Don't know if this helps, but found these on Amazon and they're pretty good. They hold about as much as a Depends pull-up. They also look plain old underwear. I ordered a couple and use them as "in between" protection when I don't want to waste a good diaper. Probably saved me a few bucks by now. I've washed them several times and they seem to hold up pretty good. They have a leak barrier, but I'd pair them with a cover because they can wick into the seam.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CYYW4M6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_3NY8X9Y996144272HK3V

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Thank you kindly,
CG

I tried a similar type of men's underwear, and ended up tossing them in the trash after 6 months. I became allergic to the fabric used in the absorbent section, and I grew tired of scratching my crotch every time I pulled them down.

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- Tom

Been there and done that. Tossed them just as WetDad did.

However, as "in-between" protection or when placed between the diaper and plastic pants to catch leaks they will work great.

--John
(Double Incontinent)

One of my girlfriends mentioned that she is embarassed that she can't get around without a walker because of balance problems. Because of this, she is starting to give up on driving, going to the store and having weekly lunches with us. I told her that these assistive devices are meant to help her live a full life and she shouldn't be embarassed about needing a walker. It took some pleading and delicate encouragement but I think she is willing to at least rejoin us for our lunches. Hopefully, I can convince her to start living her life again.
My suggestions reminded me that I shouldn't be embarassed about my incontinence protection. I get bouts of anxiety and depression because of embarassment too and I have to remind myself that everyone wears underwear - mine just helps me in others way too.
Covid has taught me not to take life for granted!
Live life to the fullest!