www.incontinentsupport.org

I was wondering if everyone here has someone to talk with about your incontinence and having to wear diapers to contend with it? I think we all know that there is a lot more to having to wear protection than just the physical side of it. In fact I think the mental side can be more difficult to deal with than the actual act of wearing diapers. Fortunately I've got two friends I can talk face-to-face with about my diapers, as well as one incontinent online pen-pal.

Although my wife is very supportive she really can't quite relate directly to my situation. She tries to be helpful and is, but she'd rather not talk about it. One of my friends has had serious prostate problems (cancer) and although he no longer has to wear, he did for quite a while, and he really understands what I deal with. The other friend, who I actually get my daytime go-to diapers from (wholesale even!), has a family member that has to wear and it has been a huge relief to be able to talk to her. Somehow the face-to-face talks have really helped me to deal mentally with the whole thing. It's just so great to be able to talk to someone who understands completely and is not judgmental in the least. The last one is a person I met online through one of the other forums and we have corresponded quite a bit online. Even though it's not face-to-face it's still been nice being able to correspond with someone who really understands what we all deal with. I can't say that I've really had a difficult time coming to terms with having to wear diapers 24/7 since it sort of came on slowly but it's still been great to have someone to "vent" with from time to time.

OK, so all that said what is your situation? Do you have anyone, other than this forum (which is also great), with which to discuss the various issues that come with dealing with incontinence?

I see a therapist for mental health reasons. I regularly vent my frustrations about my health issues to him. We talk about it and, occasionally, my diapers come up in conversation.

I've had a couple of conversations via PM on here and other sites that has really helped me just being able to vent and talk to someone who understands what I am going through always has helped. Also if anybody on here ever wants to chat feel free to shoot me a PM

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-full time graduate student with urge urinary incontinence due to an overactive bladder

Like padded, I can talk to my wife about my incontinence and am grateful that she is so supportive. However, I rarely do so unless it is about an aspect that affects or involves her.

I am fortunate that I am able to discuss all aspects of incontinence, and in detail, with the co-author of my draft book. As we both are double incontinent and understand the other's problems with incontinence very well, we often vent to each other. We have found that we discuss things about coping with our incontinence that we do not even discuss with our wives. We particularly have noted that this includes the emotional aspects, perhaps because we are embarrassed to discuss with our spouses this particular vulnerability. Perhaps this is because we feel that to do so is unmanly?

Like Greengold, I invite anyone to contact me by PM to discuss any aspect of incontinence and how we cope with it - or at least try to do so. It really helps to be able to talk about such matters and to be able to vent to someone who you know will understand and not be judgemental.

--John

I can discuss my incontinence and other health issues with my partner; and I participate in this and other Internet forums on incontinence. I'm 75 years old, and my incontinence is the result of a surgical mishap when I was 14. So incontinence has been something that I've dealt with for 61 years. Going to high school in a diaper in a small town during the 1950's was extremely hard, but I dealt with it as best I could. Throuout my adult life, incontinence has been something that I've managed on a daily basis. It's part of who I am. I think that people who become incontinent later in life have more problems accepting and managing the issue than I have had in over 50 years.

my wife is the only person that knows about my issues and she's very supportive, but we don't talk about it often. We did when the problems first started but I've become pretty comfortable with my situation. She does encourage me to continue looking for medical solutions but she also respects that, at least for now, I'd rather just manage the problem. For me, management is wearing diapers and she's ok with that.

I've never really been the type of guy to get emotional and want to talk about my problems. I tend to bury things. Online outlets like this are actually helpful as reading about other people I can relate to (especially similarly aged men) helps a lot. If I needed to talk about it, I could totally grab my wife for a sit down, but it's not something I feel a very strong need for.

She kind of automatically gets my back and knows when I'm struggling with it......My struggles are usually logistical in nature: hiding it, dealing with it when travelling etc. She'll see me looking in the mirror at my butt or something after getting dressed and she'll say "I can't tell, don't worry" and smack me on the butt. Usually just little reassurances like those are all I need. She knows when certain situations stress me out and will tell me not to worry.

I'm just so used to being in diapers now that for the most part it's not a huge deal to me. The only times I have trouble is when I'm worried about people we know finding out. The very hardest time for me is at work. I'm very self conscious about it. While I'm almost 100% sure no one knows, I have to go to great lengths to hide it, and that in itself is a source of stress. The restrooms on my floor at work are very busy and I can't change in there unless I decide I don't care anymore who finds out. There's just too many people in and out and the sound of all the plastic and tapes seems pretty obvious to me.

Hi MikeJames:
You've described my Wife's reaction to me having to wear diapers almost exactly. She playfully pats my diapered bottom from time to time too and even snuggles up to me in bed at night and just nicely pats or rubs my diapers. Just as you said it's quite a reassurance that she supports me and my issues and I really appreciate it. Like you I'm also so used to wearing diapers now that it's no big deal to me either, even if someone else finds out by accident. However I find being able to talk to someone from time to time is still nice and I think it relieves a bit of internal stress that I didn't even realize I had.

I used to think my wife just didn't get my IC. Then she began to have the sneeze-squirts on her own. Now she wears pads pretty much 24-7, where as I only wear diapers during the daytime, at least during summer. We'll see how the winter goes... One of my cousins measures the fun of her parties by how many times she has to change her underwear due to the byproducts of laughing. I truly enjoy that attitude.

It is so much easier to talk to her (wife) about this now, since we both have a much better understanding of those finer details like rashes and not knowing the difference between sweaty crotch and wet crotch. Sigh. Sorry, more information than you wanted to hear I bet. Anyhow, it is great that I can share that with my best friend.

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- Tom

Incontinence is not the most important issue my family and friends must deal with me. My family endured the economic insecurity of having a breadwinner who walks like a drunk, who is bedfast for weeks at time due to intense vertigo, who cannot always hear well enough to act appropriately, and who collapses and falls without warning several times every year. Employers have been reluctant to hire me, and, when they have, my tenure usually lasted only until my next public collapse. My family endured my numerous urological procedures and surgeries; they gave me morphine while I waited for my sphincterotomy, and they see my diapers hanging outside, drying in good weather. More recently, they watch me manage my diet and endure the abdominal pain associated with gastroparesis. For me also to ask them to understand the difficulties of incontinence management would simply be going a bridge too far. I would soon become tiresome for my friends, and an even greater burden on my family. Which is the reason that I find this site so important. I am indebted to Schoppy and to everyone else here.

Ok, Patrick, I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself. You have gone through, and continue to have greater issues than I. I agree, incontinence is not something anyone desires, but as you mentioned there are worse conditions. My wife, and a few friends and family members know of my problems, and they are all very supportive. I feel the stigma associated with incontinence is getting a little better; maybe because of the aging population (I'm 70), but there is still a ways to go. I applaud your positive attitude considering your situation, and I also appreciate this support group.