Welcome Don,
Most of us understand very well where you are coming from. RobertH is quite correct. Like Robert, I wear the same highly absorbent diaper, despite a little more bulk. The philosophy is "better to bulge than to leak!"

Leaking is more likely to will attract notice than a small bulge in your jeans. Anyway, we have learned that no one really notices. You will become accustomed to the bulk and stop worrying about it.
I am double incontinent and wear ConfiDry 24/7 with a booster pad. The Dry 24/7 has excellent absorbency and fecal containment. I wear black jeans and found that, by going up one size in the jeans, you cannot tell that I am wearing a diaper. The diaper essentially is invisible. I also wear PUL pants whenever I am out of the home, and a onesie for support.
Not much can be done to reduce fecal odor. Plastic pants, of course.
I control my bowel incontinence very effective with daily enemas as a preventative. This is with the full approval of multiple colorectal surgeons. An empty bowel cannot have an accident. So, after a brief washout in the morning I can go about my normal activities without having to worry about having a messy diaper and fecal odor. PM me if you want any additional information about this.
--John