www.incontinentsupport.org

The issue of using briefs long term and giving up on trying to maintain control seems to be a recurring theme. Looking at the posts there seems to be a few people faced with this decision. I am thinking back over my years of incontinence and these are the long term disadvantages of just using briefs I have run into:
1) In the beginning you tend to still have enough control to time briefs changes to familiar and private bathrooms. You don't have to carry around as many briefs since you know you will make it home in time before needing a change. Over time you will have less control over which bathroom and when to change. You will always have to have emergency briefs wherever you go and deal with changing in public bathrooms or at friend's houses. As a man it will be hard to keep it a secrete since everybody will give you a look as to why is a man carrying supplies into a bathroom. Woman of course have it much easier in those respects; everybody just assumes it is period protection.

2) In the beginning you will probably only use the brief for two wettings before changing. Most diaper users bladder capacity shrinks after a few year. This actually results more efficient and less risk of leakage for the diaper, but also means you will end up using the diaper for 4+ leaks before changing and therefore will have to get accustomed to being in a slightly wet diaper longer. Some people end up having skin problems because of this.

3) In the beginning you will come out of the shower and do tasks without protection thinking there is no problem since you are only a few seconds away from the bathroom. One day, like me, you might end up ruining a chair or sofa doing this. Most brief users reach the point where you can not trust yourself even for short amounts of time. Your sphincter muscle becomes very weak and your brain also no longer sends adequate signals about your urinary needs since it has gotten accustomed to going whenever it wants to. I typically wear pullups or put down a chair pad when airing out my crotch to deal with this problem.

4) Dating and sex will be emotionally hard mainly for the above reason. Even if you try to empty your bladder before sex you can not really trust yourself. Diapers in themselves are a turnoff for most people. If you find an accepting partnet then you need to also find one that does not mind getting peed on and having a incontinence pad on the bed.

None of these issues except for number 4 really phased me. Number 4 is really hard to manage and you need an accepting partner. There is a lot of opinions and debate as to when is it okay to give up and just use briefs. That is a whole other topic and a very personal decision. The above list is just the things I have run into which I did not think much about before using briefs 24/7. I think newly incontinent people need to weight the benefits versus the obvious and potentially long term hidden disadvantages of just managing the problem with briefs from their own perspective before making the decision on whether to pursue other therapies to try to maintain self control. Just keep your head up. Even in the worst case if everything fails, you will still be able to live a pretty full life using briefs.

Jgrover,

You raise an interesting point with number 4.

I'm still at a crossroads on how to manage the problem. Not using the toilet does bring skin care issues into play. And intimacy being a problem..

But, the way i see it now, unless the medication works, unless i can go a full day with completly dry diapers and make it to the toilet every time with no real interupptions, I am in diapers either way. I hate to think that i'll never get out of them. But by the same token, i refuse to go back to wearing wet underwear. My problem used to be little dribbles now and then, but now depending on fluid intake i can end up with a flooded diaper in seconds if cant go to the bathroom.

I hate having this problem, i wish i can stop wearing diapers. But that is asking for trouble, I'm sure.

The medication I'm on now im giving until November. IF it doesnt work we will have to try something else.

_________________
"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Hey jgrover,

That's a great post! I think every bady has been in those situations. I agree with sociologygeek on item 4. I always put a cloth diaper under us when we do this. I'm fortunate in not leaking too bad, so it's really no big deal. I'll put on a pull on cloth training type diaper on at first and pull it off later on.

Incontinence can be really tough when you're trying to get intimate with your wife/partner. Having one that understands the situation is a Godsend. ................Paul Martin

This is an interesting thread igrover started. I don't have alot of time here so I may have to continue it later.

Your first point maybe true for some more then others. For myself my daytime incontinence got progressively worse as time went on. I really struggled with moving up the ladder in protection. As many of you may have read in other posts I stayed in the strap on undergarments longer then I should have. I wasn't going to give in. I was always looking for restrooms where ever I went. and then the stress of getting there in time and then the times of not getting there in time when out in public

I would have to credit my husband for getting me in full time briefs. For me I don't think it was so much training my brain to just let go whenever because I have a full brief on. I was already there. I really tried to use the restrooms when I could but it was always a struggle for me and also for my husband. Yes my husband. The poor guy was always so worried about my needs that he often would get just as stressed finding restrooms for me and helping me deal with the accidents that would happen as well. When I would feel the need to go often times I'd have 2 or three min. tops before it would all come out whether I liked it or not

So when I finally gave into briefs it gave me a new release in life. It was still sometime latter before I stopped stressing about getting to a rest room. I'll never forget the time we were out shopping I felt the urge coming on and my husband said Just Use Your Diaper Well after while when I began to do this it did make life alot easier for both of us.

As far as the changing end of it goes I'm blessed to have a van I can go and change in when I'm out in public. So I rarely have to do it in public restrooms. I keep my van well stocked

As far as being a women carrying a beg in the restroom with my changing supplies yes I have something over you men But on the other hand it's hard to pass off a rolled up wet diaper as a maxi


Getting back to the training your brain to just let go. I think maybe more of an unintentional thing for most of us. I was thinking about Jane on this one. She use to use the restroom more in the past then she does now. I think I maybe part to blame For introducing her to higher end protection that can handle more

I've got to get going so I'll continue this latter

All for now Sandy

Ok it late and I should be in bed but I wanted to get back to this thread

Going on with point number three getting out of the shower Maybe I'm or we (Husband and I) are a little strange but I can't remember a time when one of us ever sat out on the furniture stark naked or at least without pants/underwear

But anyway I'm one who puts on a diaper as soon as I'm out of the shower and dried off. I guess I never thought about not doing it. As far back as even my late teen years 18 or 19 I'm fairly certain I would have had a pad in my panties before leaving the bathroom.

It's been so long since I had faith in my bladder I'm not sure what that is. I've read this before where people minds supposedly get use to a diaper. but then how often is that true

I for one just got progressively worse and I really honestly tried to control it. I went from little dribbles during the day when I was 18 or 19 to the start of my early 20's having dribbles and little squirts. then by the time I was around 22-23 it went to dribbles squirts and short streams. The uncontrollable floods started happening around 24-25 years of age Don't quote me on these time frames it was a long time ago
But as stated before I had to go to full blown diapers.

So yes while it is true I did after while stop stressing about finding restrooms and just letting it happen in my diaper I'm still not ready to say it is all in my head from lack of trying to control it. Tho it is again an interesting idea. For me the urgency to flood got worse and worse. and I had no choice.

Yes I tried the drugs the doctors and so on. and found the cure was far worse then the problem. I like the one that causes Diarrhea constipation and nausea But hey they have had good success with this drug I wish I could remember the name of that one it was back in the early 90's or maybe late 80's

So yes for me diapers are the way to go. Would I like to be free of them of course!!!

to be continued

Sandy

Now for the last part of this thread number 4 Dating and sex.

For me those two DO NOT BELONG TOGETHER!! I never ever had sex with a person I dated. My Husband is the only person I've ever done that with.

I know this thought has stayed the course many times in the past but my opinion on this subject is and I believe it to be is as follows.

If a person truly Heart Soul and Mind loves an incontinent person the incontinence is not going to be a problem. The problem with people dating and having sex is they are acting out of lust which they perceive as love. There is a vast difference between love and lust.

This is not to say a person can't be in love with a person that they are dating. But from what my observation's are is that when dating today is more about getting in ones pants then it is about establishing a solid relationship first. Being more concerned about what is between the ears rather then what is below the neck or farther down below the waist.

This next part will be hard to understand if your not a born again christian. But Jesus Christ is the one that put my husband and I together. The lord told me before we even started seeing each other that I would be married to this man. Trust me at first I had doubts about that. In my mind I thought How is a very tall and very strong well built handsome man going to take a incontinent female to be his wife. I mean why would he want to?? But I knew that I knew that he was mine.

We dated or should I maybe he courted me for a while and to make a long story short by the time he found out that I was a full time Bed wetter and a leakier during the day it was far to late for that to matter. He was completely and totally in love with his heart mind and soul with me as a person NOT A SEX TOY! The incontinence wasn't even on the radar. He has never treated me harsh or in a bad way because of my problem. Sure there has been times years ago where OK yes I got lazy and he knew it or should I say caught me but whatever I know that me being incontinent isn't on his top ten list it's not on mine either. But again it has never been an issue. He has always treated my diapers just as normal underwear.

The last thing is sex. which I do have some reservations about discussing. From my prospective being the leakier it's not that big of a deal. We just but a pad done and hope for the best and well if the worst happens it's laundry day You females that I hope are reading this may want to try this method also. I took one of my cloth diapers and cut an opening in the crotch area to allow for well you know. this way I'm still well protected because well lets face it when someone is putting that much pressure on you your going to empty. I still would use the bed pad as well But the diaper is for added security. Often I use this when away from home say at a Hotel.

For incontinent men looking at the Female prospective I guess I can see were the thought of someone urinating in me does not sound real inviting. I just can't see how if you are truly in love how that is going to be that big of a problem. But maybe I'm not the person to talk about that end of it. I don't have any experience there.

........Sandy

Sandy,

I mirror your thoughts. For some, depending on the type of incontinence meds may work just fine. For others, including myself, the root of my bladder problem is nerver damage. Anyone who has a neurogenice bladder with urge can related to what you are saying. I know I can. In the beginning, things happen just as you have describe it. I know it did for me, and I really have to think this applies to most that have urge incontinence.

I found once I accepted it for want it was, and started relaying on the diaper more than being so concerned about the bathroom all the time, and what IF, I felt better. Until then, I felt I was a slave to the bathroom, and like you, I really didn't want to go anywhere for fear of having an accident because I was wearing a small pad and not a diaper.

I really don't know if its mental, or not, but speaking for myself, I don't think about using the bathroom any more as compared to how things were before I became incontinent with neurogenice bladder. Bladder loss just happens on its own now....... there is little to no thought about it. In some ways, its kinda like breathing,.......you don't really think about it...it just happens. I became incontinent in 1986, and like others, my bladder is much smaller now than it was when in 1986. I'm sure wearing diapers all the time has had something to do with that,...... but does it really make any difference? Not to me it doesn't, and I am NOT a slave to the bathroom, and I don't have any concerns about finding a restroom when I go places. What a relief it is not to be concrened about the bladder problem and just go forward with life. I don't wear a sign that says, "I wear protection", and no one can detect I'm wearing a diaper,.... and I DON'T tell anyone. Only family members, and my docs know I wear protection.

Like you, and probably many others that are incontinent, I keep a few diapers in a plastic bag in the truck of the car just in case I need to change whan I'm out and about. This almost most never happens as long as I plan ahead when I'm going to be going out fot the day. If I know I will be gone for most, if not all day, then I use a pad in the brief, or use a high absorency brief that will last for 9 hours. I take odor control tablets (Nullo & Chlorophyll w/Mint) so I don't have odor issues.

The best advise I can offer to others with the same type of bladder problem is don't be a slave to the bathroom and don't live in fear of having an accident. Wear whatever level of protection makes you comfortable and move on with live. If your incontinent, who cares if you wear and use protection to manage the problem?

Sandy,
After reading your post about wearing a cloth diaper during sex with your husband, I thought about trying it the other way. My wife is not incontinent, and I don't leak alot during this, but it turns off my wife sometimes. I thought about what you did, so I asked her about her wearing a diaper to catch my leaks. She was reluctant at first, but she finnally agreed to try it.
Well it worked great! I did leak as usual, but nothing got on the bed. She really liked the ideal about no clean-up afterwards. It seems to have helped with her attitude now. This weekend, she came to bed in a diaper and was ready for it again! Sorry if this offends anyone, but sex and diapers are a real problem for couples who are incontinent. I have found a way, thanks to Sandy, to help me out. Thanks again Sandy!!

Well Paul & Sandy, I'm glad y'all have discovered a secret method that other diaper users have been utilizing for some time now.

I'm not going to go into great detail... but seeing as my fiancee is AB/DL we both most always have diapers on when we start any intimate messing around. It pushes her buttons in a good way, and keeps me from damaging the sheets with any fluids.

I have found that pull-on cloth diapers work quite well for this... move things around as needed for the action, move things back when you are done... no worries.

_________________
~~PuddleGuy