www.incontinentsupport.org

Sorry for the provocative subject, but I was asked it this way by someone who really needs to know. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer. His treatment options are an operation or radiation. Both have a good chance of success and neither are %100, but the operation has around a %7 higher success rate. Furthermore if the operation fails to cure the cancer, radiation treatment is still feasible, but after radiation it is too late to make an operation. However an operation causes immediate incontinence, from which %10 of people never recover, which is pushing him to prefer radiation treatment.
I was asked based on my experience, how terrible is it to go through life in diapers? My personal opinion is that it sounds worse than it actually is and it isn't a reason to risk your life, even if the risk is small. However I think many other people take this worse than I do, so I can't be sure he will be able to take my attitude and want to hear how other people feel.
One thing to note, surgery is not the only cause of incontinence and any way you slice it the older you get the higher you chances of being incontinent. Radiation treatment isn't easy and has side effects of its own. It would feel much worse to risk your life somewhat plus enduring radiation to keep out of diaper and then end up in diapers anyway for an unrelated reason.

Incontinence can come about in so many different ways that the idea of someone weighing as significant a decision as cancer treatment on whether or not he may have to wear protection is absurd. If he loses bladder control even temporarily, an incontinent brief will be a welcome solution to a problem not worth dying for. If he doesn't want people to know he is wearing a diaper, all he has to do is not tell anyone. Having people watch as you lose control, especially if it isn't the first time only raises questions about whether or not you care about hygiene. The people who know that I have problems also know that I was never in denial. I'm probably the exception, but when these issues began, I had other things to worry about than wearing diapers. They are a solution. Period.

No apologies necessary. With cancer cases on the rise, this topic is all too timely. Hopefully, your friend has seen how well you manage your incontinence, and will make the right decision for himself.

Wearing diapers is NOT a problem. I have had to wear an adult diaper since June 2012 due to an enlarged prostate causing urgency incontinence. I lead a full and active life, so what do I occupy my time with? I am an amateur cellist and belong to two musical groups, a community orchestra and a cello choir. I am also an amateur astronomer and meet with a group one weekend a month. I go fishing both fresh and salt water. I like to cook and do home canning of food.

If you wear a diaper you do not have to just sit at home and do nothing. You can do anything you want to do. With a little planning you can do anything. My advice is to have the operation. Do not worry about wearing diapers. Remember no one has to know, unless you want to tell them.

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RetiredRN

I echo the previous posts. I have several conditions that can cause incontinence...bph and spinal stenosis which seems to be getting worse. When I had my latest urologist appointment he discouraged me to have turp surgery for bph. He thought with my other issues, the incontinence would not improve, or possibly get worse. As a result, I am maintaining as I have been being wearing diapers when necessary. It may sound a little strange, but one does get use to wearing a diaper especially when away from home, and even at home if you are entertaining.

Vandel, help your friend change his thinking. Millions of people go about their daily lives in spite of being incontinent. As for diapers, they are a solution, not the problem. Tell your friend to follow through on whatever is necessary to treat his cancer.

I am double incontinent, which I would not wish on anyone. Nonetheless, if you met me you never would guess that. I go about a normal life. The penalty is a little more planning and preparation time for some activities. As I have said before, "be thankful for your diaper." It sure beats the alternative.

Your friend is very fortunate to have supportive friends like you who really care!

--John

Try to get your friend to go with the operation, if it will save his life its worth it and he has a backup of radiation treatment to fall back on if the operation does not work.

Being in diapers 24/7 is not really that big of a deal once he accepts he needs diapers it becomes really easy to have to wear.

as John has said diapers do not prevent you from doing anything you just need to plan a bit more if heading out of town.

why not have your friend setup a user account and ask us any questions he has about dealing with IC issues and how we manage it.

every member here is very supportive and I am sure some one has gone through the same choices your friend is now having to make and can help him come to terms with the possability of being in diapers and how its bit realy that bad. Diapers are just absorbant underware

Rob

Hi Vandel,
I have fought against depression for most of my adult life. I don't suffer from it, everyone around me does. The anti-depressants I have settled on give me urinary incontinence. I look at it as a small price to pay for being a loved and respected member of society. I didn't come to that acceptance overnight, it took me a while. I was very frustrated with my body which I could no longer rely on after a lifetime of trust. But I was also dealing with a bad knee when this began, and there were times when a wheelchair was needed for me to get around airports. So it was an easy connection for me, the diapers are for my bladder just like the wheelchair was for my knee. I'm so glad I didn't give up, as my life is so much richer because of the people I've met in the last dozen years.

Have your friend join us and begin asking questions. We can help him learn to manage and accept this minor condition and get back to enjoying life.

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- Tom

Thank you all for the replies. I am happy that everybody's sentiments echoed mine.
This is disappointing, but it wasn't just my friend who had this concern. I googled prostate cancer & found many reputable medical organizations list this side effect as a reason to opt for radiation without mention that it is less effective. Maybe they assumed people will hear about this from their doctor anyway. But in my opinion they should also reassure people that incontinence isn't the end of your life and isn't a reason to accept a higher risk of death.

I totally agree. Cancer is nothing to fool around with. Being alive and cancer-free is far more important than worrying about the need to wear diapers. The best course of action is the one with the highest chance of success, which, in this case, sounds like surgery.

There is an adjustment, acclimation, and acceptance period that naturally occurs when transitioning from underwear to diapers full time. That being said, this forum is an excellent resource to learn from other people's experiences. The important thing to remember is that each person is different. What may work for one person may not work for someone else. However, once a person figures out what works best for them (diaper type/brand, changing schedule, skin care, etc.), diapers are second nature.