www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi everyone, As I continue to confront my little problem I 'm beginning to think that there are loved ones that should know about my bladder problems. I find myself trying to avoid certain situations that I would otherwise enjoy being involved in. I really don't give a hoot about the general public, but my close family members make it hard to deal with. We are really close and I find myself not enjoying things as much as I would if I weren't so worried about making sure no one knows. I'm not too concerned about me, but I don't want upset or otherwise hurt them with the knowledge.

My wife has known all along and the fact that she knows makes the condition much more bearable. I'm wondering about letting my kids in on my secret. I suggested this to my wife and she said she'd let them know I wanted her to tell them. She was pretty matter of fact about it and I certainly wasn't a problem for her.

I'm just so tired running around worried that some one might catch a glimpse of a diaper should my shirt ride up or the bulk showing between my legs. Also the need to wear at night and the inevitable clean up in the morning and disposal creates considerable stress. Then there's the stress of having them just pop in on me. We have always kept an open door policy with them and it would just be so much easier if I didn't have to freak out if they were to walk in in the morning and catch me in an embarrassing moment.

My gut feeling is that they'd just smile and say "so what". But one never knows for sure. When they KNOW I'm wearing a diaper and they can see it underneath my clothes, how uncomfortable will that make them? I don't want them to pity or feel sorry for me. I just want to be able to move on and enjoy life not continually wondering how to hide this from them.

How have you folks dealt with this? Any insights would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,Ted

If your kids live with you, I would think it's a forgone conclusion. I would definitely tell them.

As for others, I don't have any advice there.

Hi MSUspartan, No, they don't live at home. They're adults with kids of their own. I'm an old gummer....

Hi Ted,

You made the right decision. I qualify as a senior and have told my adult children and their wives about my incontinence.

It prevents embarrassment and reduces the stress of trying to tiptoe around the situation. It keeps me from having to make up excuses when I suddenly have to disappear to change a diaper or can't go into a public swimming pool.

--John

I have told all my close living family (saves questions about the back pack) and would tell any one we were traveling or staying with.

Other then that no one else needs to know unless they see my diaper or ask once you get past the embarrassment of talking about diapers it's real easy to explain when the time comes.

Got ya. Your open door policy comment, lead me to believe that they were living with you, and hence were at regular risk of walking in on you.

Yeah MSUspartan, They're out on their own. When they were younger we were known as the house where any kid could crash. Life was pretty bad for some and we tried to always let them know they had a place to hide away for a bit. It made life interesting. When I came home in the early hours of the morning from work I never knew how many kids would be camped out in the family room. Now that my kids are older and on their own they just think they still live here even though they don't and will just walk in. I'm cool with it as is my wife and I love them a BUNCH. But, I don't want to trash their image of me by being diapered up and exposed if they just walked in. I'd rather they knew and would maybe be a bit more understanding when they come over.

To John and Rob, How did your kids handle it? How did you go about telling them? Is there something you would have done differently if you had to do it again? Thanks, Ted

I guess I may have an advantage(?) here. My family lived with me through all my urological procedures; they see my diaper pail in the bathroom, and my laundered diapers hanging on the line in good weather. They watch me stagger and fall from time to time, and they offer to help. Incontinence is simply a part of who I am; there never was any way to hide it. This matter-of-fact approach was forced on me; I cannot vouch for its wisdom for anyone else. If there is any advice from this, it is to try to become comfortable in your own skin, with who and what you are, and, for us, that includes the discomfort of incontinence.

Ted
I posted about my youngest seeing me in my diaper. My oldest said he already knew and was waiting for me to tell him. I don't know there ages but more than likely they have already put the pieces together. It helps when your close family knows. They have been very supportive, remember we didn't what this, this is what we have to live with. Good luck
Mike