www.incontinentsupport.org

I am a 71 year old male. I had prostrate surgery 3 yrs ago. I also had and still have over active bladder. The doctors did not tell me that I would be left incontinent after surgery. They said I may "leak" a bit for a week or two, and then get my control back after doing the exercises they gave me to do. needless to say, I never "leaked", I flowed. I still do. I fill several pads a day. I have the stress related incontinence. Its when I am on my feet I have this problem. I don't realize I have a full pad until I feel it leaking over my scrotum, and by then its on my jeans. It also left me with ED. My wife passed 6 yrs ago, so I have no woman in my life, but as a man you know what this does with your head. I feel like life for me has no bright spot, and I am becoming a bitter old man. I still work part time, but am rethinking that as well. I have seen doctors about options. all of them say with the over active bladder, these implants they offer and the sling are not an option for me. My sister is my best friend and confidant. She has gone thru this whole mess with me. We attended a forum of the options available. asked questions and now I am so confused! Has anyone out there had any problems like mine? If so, do you have advice or was there an option for implants of any kind? Have you had implants, and did they work? I am so iffy of surgery now. I made the choice to have the prostate removed, and I am so sorry I did. I would have rather had a few more years of quality of life, than to have what I have been left with. Thanks..as I am new to the forum, and trying to figure it out.

I am very sorry to hear about your situation and especially sorry to hear about the psychological state in which you're living. I am a 72-year-old man who has been living with bladder control problems since I experienced a surgical mishap when I was 14 years old. So I've been dealing with these issues for a while.

The most serious effect of incontinence is the psychological hurdles it creates for us. I have no idea whether a way to cure your problem exists, but I do know that people can learn to live full and happy lives despite incontinence. I've done it and so have many of the other guys who contribute to this forum. So what should you do? In short, find ways to manage your problem and get on with your life. Incontinence is really a rather minor disability unless you let it be. So don't let it.

I'll echo what inconinmiss has said. My my problems were not caused by prostate issues but the result was much the same. I fully understand how the leaking and wetting along with the need for protection can make a man feel emasculated. Hang in there. You made the right choice by removing the prostate if it was going to kill you anyway. To die from cancer is a slow and agonizing way to go, not just for you but for those around you. ED can be treated with medication as well as implants. As for the treatmentsbfor the OAB, you will need to weigh those options for yourself but believe me, sometimes the side effects can be worse then the condition and more often then not it will only improve symptoms, not fully cure you. The conclusion I came to was if I had to were something to catch pee anyways, it wasn't worth it.
Easier said then done but swallow your pride a little and try out some different product. Don't get hung up on if something is a diaper or makes you think of one. If it works, go with it. It will take time to get use to but you can do it.
If I can help in anyway, just ask. I will help out any way I can, even if it is just to lend an ear.

Rope.

Bunkerhill, I have been in the exact place you are now since I was 56, I am 67 now. I was told I would be incontinent for maybe 3 months to 6 months. It has been 11 years. I too have ED and that more than anything has had me on the edge of just giving up. I was a combat Marine in Vietnam and wounded twice. That was a cakewalk compared to dealing with diapers and loosing my manhood. I got married 2 years ago to a woman who fully understood all of this. My first wife died at 51. Between the PTSD of war and then loosing my life partner and then all of this I too have regretted having surgery. All I can say is my sons and grandchildren are the only reason I keep hanging on. My new wife is also a blessing, but I still at times am pushed to the limit. Hang in there and try to adapt. I also am so pissed at the medical world that I do not trust them to touch me again. Yes there are options for ED but a good friend and Vietnam vet went through surgery for it and came out far worst than he went in and that is hard since he was ED to start with. I now try to balance the good and bad of life. I know loosing your wife over rides almost everything, it sucks beyond what anyone can grasp who has not been there. If I can help in any way please ask. Paul (Papa)

I have to add one thing here. Dealing with incontinence and wearing diapers (after 11 years of doing so) is now easy. I have learned to handle it and have learned (with wife) to open up and let life not be dictated to by rules. But as much as that is true the opposite is also. Being impotent has not only smashed my self image but taken something from me that no man can imagine unless he is there. So all the "You can handle diapers okay" lines miss the point. It is NOT wetting a diaper that demeans us, it is the loss of our manhood that does. Two TOTALLY different things. Papa