To the OP, do you have chronic or recurring abdominal pain or discomfort? That, in addition to changes in bowel frequency or the appearance/consistency of bowel movements is characteristic of IBS according to the current international diagnostic standard which is known as the Rome III criteria. Functional GI experts (IBS is the most common functional GI disorder) are literally meeting in Rome, Italy right now and working on Rome IV, which is the next iteration expected to be released in a couple of years. It's very common for the pain or discomfort to accompany the changes in bowel habits and to improve after the bowel movement, though not always. It's relatively uncommon among people with IBS to have bowel incontinence at night, especially as a first symptom, but it is very characteristic for things to be very unpredictable, and for people to have urgency, including mid-meal. It has to do with the triggering of the gastrocolic reflex when one eats.
If it is IBS (and you should get a physician diagnosis, as it could be other things also, but if your physician does not know what the Rome criteria are, you need a new physician Some iteration of the Rome criteria has been in existence for 20+ years. The Rome criteria are considered by international IBS experts to be 98% accurate. IBS is no longer a diagnosis of exclusion!) you should understand that all tests will be normal. This does not mean that nothing is wrong. It just means that IBS is very complex and there are no usable tests yet. As of now, IBS is considered a functional disorder, which means there is no visible structural damage (unlike colitis for example, which is an inflammatory bowel disease), metabolic problem shown in blood tests, etc. It is a disorder of how the brain and the gut communicate. Research over the years has shown abnormalities in how the brain processes pain, in gut motility, transport and signaling of neurotransmitters, including serotonin and many other factors being studied including genetic influences, gut microflora, etc. IBS can be mild, moderate, severe or very severe, intermittent or constant. Everybody is different and the relatively limited treatment/management interventions that work for one person will not necessarily work for another. There are a lot of different types of things to try, but it takes patience and time. Watch out for quacks and outdated information, as there is a lot out there.
I have had IBS for 7 years. With another person with IBS who has had IBS for 40+ years, I run scientific-evidence based website, blog and social media accounts for advocacy and awareness (We are not a business or charity.) We are known to many professionals in the field in several English speaking countries and communicate with several of them on an ongoing basis, so I can direct you or anyone else with IBS to good, up to date resources if needed. My sites, which Schoppy and the late JoeK gave me permission to post here in the past, are
http://www.ibsimpact.com and
http://ibsimpact.wordpress.com I can also suggest the International Foundation for Functional GI Disorders in the U.S.
http://www.iffgd.org which is a not for profit organization, and the University of North Carolina Center for Functional GI and Motility Disorders in Chapel Hill, NC, USA, which is one of the world's foremost research centers for IBS, and one very committed to public, patient and professional education. Many others as well, but please get a physician diagnosis first.
Good luck.