www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi all

First of all, please exuse my bad english, it is far from my nativ language. I am an 40 year old woman from Skandinavia becoming more and more incontinent.
In my quest for answers I have probably read hundreds of articles about incontinense, been looking trought several forums and blogs. I have seen to many DL/AB sites with ppl who want to be incontinent and read to may sucess-stories of housewifes exercicing away a small dribble. It all just made me sad and feeling even more strange.
Then I found you at ISC.
I have a lot of thougts, questions and issues I need to talk about, and this seems to be the right place. For now this small introduktion will have to do, and then I can come back to my story.

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You don`t appreciate the light if you have not been in total darkness.
Please excuse my bad english, I'm doing my best.

Welcome, Ani. I'm sure you'll find there are a lot of kind, supportive people here who'd be happy to share their stories with you, and listen to yours.

I'm a sixty-one year old male living in the New York area. About a year ago I developed a dripping problem. I wear diapers at night, and if I'm dripping heavily I'll wear them during the day as well. I tried drugs, but they were ineffective and had strong side effects I couldn't live with.

Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?

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Fred

Yes, welcome, Ani! Don't worry about your English - you should see my Nowegian!

Like Fred, I am a 61 year old (until the end of the month, sadly!) male though my problems go a bit deeper - 27 odd years with MS and been incontinent in some way for all that time.

I'm sure we can help you find some answers here!

Ani,

Welcome here and we look forward to your contributions.

This 'sanctuary' is indeed a good place because of the approach
to the subject of incontinence. By far and away, this is not a
forum for those with an incontinence fantasy, desire, age-play acting
or as a form of sexual expression via incontinence.

Incontinence found us; we did not/do not go out looking for incontinence.

Our reasons for this condition are varied. Our methods for management
of incontinence are also varied, as you can see.

That's how I see the make-up of membership here. We deal with varied
degrees of incontinence not as a lifestyle, but as a medical, social and
managed condition NOT OF OUR CHOICE.

Again, we welcome you.

John.

For years I have had weak muscels in the pelvick bottom. First of all due to sexual abuse as a child and then made worse by a wery difficult childbirth. I have always been one of those that have to go to the bathroom often, and roadtrips have always been a long strech of stops. I have worked a lot keeping up the musceltone/strengt, but about a year ago it just didnt help any more. It started as a dribble when lifting, sneesing etc, and worsend rapidly to smal flods. In the beginning I tried really hard to hold back, crossing my legs even, if unseen, using my hand to hold on and keep from wetting myself. After a while I just gave it up, I dont emty my blader completly, but It's enough to make a wet mess.
I started with the smal incontinenspads, but it did leak into my pants every now and then. For a while I keep away from all the public activities were there was a chance of leakage. After some months of this, I had a good talk with my husband, and I started wearing the largest pads or disposable pull-up-dipers. I normaly don't wet myself at night, but I do wake up and have to hurry to the bathroom. Most of the time I can get all the way there, but sometimes it just starts before I get there, and there is a clean up job to do. So I feel more safe using a diper nighttime. I still get up and make a run for it, but for those times I dont make it, changing a diper is much easier than cleaning floor and changing underware.
So far there no mysteri, straight forward, I guess a classic incontinens-development story. Of cause leaking urin and using dipers are no fun, I'm embarrased by wearing dipers, afraid of it smelling, afraid of anyone but my husband finding out, afraid that my husband will get tiered of having a wife in dipers etc.
The worst part is the fact that nothing in the world can make me go see a doctor to get help. I suffer from PSTS from years of sexual and mental abuse as a child and have in resent years developed bipolar disorder whith rapid fluctuations and hypomania. (not the worst kind, thankfully) And altough I normaly function well and not many of my friends have the any ideea of my problems, I have my days whem I stay behind closed doors and try to keep the demons outside.
So, all the questions, examinations, different people, tests and tryouts are terrifing to just think about. I know that beeing pushed into having surgry would drive me over the edge.
I'm also worrid about the fact that angciety atacks cause me to wet myself much more (less controll and not nessecerely feeling that i have to go before I'm doing it)
There are times when I know I could have kept dry, if I really put my mind and body in to it, but that would keep me from doing a lot of normal things, like working in the garden, cleaning house, unloding the car etc, not to mention horsebackriding and snowboarding.
A confusing fact is also that mine and my husband's sexlife have been a lot better after I started to wear dipers. I do not get aroused by the dipers itself, neither does my husband. My husband thinks it can be that I feel more secure in all aspects while wearing a diper.

Sorry for this long and probably confusing post. It's just strange beeing 40 and discusing theese issues. I always thougt this severe incontinens only happend to reallymold and demented people or people with spinal injuries.

_________________
You don`t appreciate the light if you have not been in total darkness.
Please excuse my bad english, I'm doing my best.

Welcome Ani! I don't have urinary incontinence but I suffer from fecal incontinence and it only happens at night. When you suffer from incontinence, many of us face similar problems. I have been putting off going to a gastroenterologist because I am recovering from pneumonia, but I plan on seeing one. I want to know if there is any way to make the incontinence go away. My incontinence is unusual, at least I think so, but I don't have a bowel movement every night but I wear protective underwear every night, just in case. I also use a cloth and a disposable underpad, I don't want to get up and have to do laundry every time I have a night time bowel movement.

Keep posting on the forum, we will help you in anyway that we can.

Ani, Your story covers many areas. I also have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and it adds to everything else. My incontinence is due to prostate cancer surgery. You said you feared an opperation - I understand that. There is also no gaurantee it will work and a small chance it would make maters worst. You are learning what we al learned in the beginning. You made the first big decision when you went to diapers - it is a very hard choice to make. Some feel it is "giving in" some that it is infantile others it was just no choice. You said your sex life improved aftter wearing diapers - I think I can speak for many here in that once you really start to handle your greatest fear of incontinence - leaking - you get a boost in self asteem. You can now do things with more confidence and one more thing is (mostly) off your mind. It is a big thing too. Your husband is a true man. Not many (men or women) today remember the vows "for better or worst and in sickness and in health" he seems to remember them and I would also guess loves you a great deal. If you include him in your elotions and thoughts he will be more ready to accept you, Bury your feelings and he will think many things and most will be unfounded. Stay it touch with him and he will stay in touch with you. I hope we can help. Papa

Thank you all for your nice welcome and kind words.

I have been reading post on this forum for probably 3 weeks before dearing to become a member, and been a member for another week or two before having the guts to post anything.

Yes Papa, my husband is a wondrerful man! When we first met each other we were bouth young and in exelent health. But we bouth had familys with severe healthproblems and bouth had demanding jobs that sometimes took more time and energi than we really had. So we took the time to think and talk abouth the years that lay a ahead, the possible chalanges we might have to face. In my family there is autoimune syndrom (at least that is the Norwegian term) with the arthrites, tyrodea inflamation, astma and allergies, psoriasis, food intolleranse, ++. In his family severe hearthproblems and a weak back/discs that tend to prolaps. Of cause he also found out about my childhood traumas and severe migrains, it would be hard not to notice as soon as we really got to know each other.
My husband has done his tours of duty. He never got injured, but seeing the horrors of war, he has his own memories that haunts him sometimes. Beeing a military wife, I knew those days could come when the desitions (?spelling) and choises he has had to make, would come back to haunt him.
But we have been able to cope with most everything life has dealt us, including almost loosing our oldest kid in an accident and the youngest to severe astma. Life has not always been easy and the "for better and for worse, in sickness and health", really has been a put to a test.
But we did never talk about incontinens. I figured that I would always be able to keep the problem away by training, and I guess it never occured to my husband to even think about it.
What you say about starting to use dipers is so much the truth, it feels like I have given up. I feel like such a big coward not dearing to see a doctor about the incontinens-problem. I am dead afraid of using anything that can be the slightes "babyish". I realise that babywipes probably would be a good thing to carry with my spare inco-pads, but I totaly refuse the idea of using babywipes. The diperthing is more than bad enough, so I bring a wet washcloth with soape, in a zipp-lock-bag, for washing if/when I need to change when out and about.
Althoug I have gotten used to the feel of the pads and dipers and to accept the freedom I have gotten back when I don't have to worry about wet pants etc, it will still take a long time getting used to the idea of having to wear them, and feeling guilty about it.

_________________
You don`t appreciate the light if you have not been in total darkness.
Please excuse my bad english, I'm doing my best.

Ani, We have a member here named Sandy who I think can be of more help to you than anyone else. She has dealt with all this since childhood. She also seems to have gone on vacation but when she does get back to the group you will find her a valuable resource and a good resource for info in a woman to woman way. Most of us here never really get over the fact we are in diapers. Over time you adjust and find ways of coping or accepting diapers as part of your life. Baby wipes are much easier - they also are great stain removers for normal stains like food, etc. they are also easier to hide. Try not to equate diapers with being a baby. You are an adult and are dealing with a condition. If you used a cane to help you walk you can not equate that with being elderly or infirmed. Diapers are diapers reguardless of type (cloth or disposable) or color, design,print,etc. It is not easy at first or really ever but you usually adjust (in your own way) after the initial shock of going back to wearing them. Keep in touch and good luck. Papa

Hello Ani, welcome to the forum, I am sure you will find great advice and support here for your incontinence issues. There are many people on here who have had to deal with bladder/bowel issues all their life, and are a wealth of information on many issues. Like you, I am only in my 40's (42) and have had problems for 15 years, day and night, although the night issues have become very regular compared to last year, I just deal with it the best I can. I am sorry to hear of your past and all you have been through, this kind of thing just makes it even more difficult. It does take some time to come to terms with having to need a diaper for certain activities, but it does get easier when you look at it as the best way to deal with a disorder that helps you have a somewhat normal life. I was basically a shut in, rarely leaving the house until I figured out it was just a device to allow me to get out without having to know where every bathroom was going to be where ever I was going, as I have serious urgency issues. I no longer have to fret about that, and feel much better about venturing out to do activities and know I have it covered. The doctors are unsure as to what exactly is the cause for me, and I have done all the tests, and am through trying to find out the root cause, it does not matter anymore to me. I can do what I want to, it just takes some pre-planning ahead of time, and spare supplies, and off I go. No fuss, no muss, not an issue to me anymore, but that took years to accept. I hope you find some of your answers on this forum, and can get some peace in your life with all this going on. It does get easier, it just takes some time, so hang in there, take care, Puffy