www.incontinentsupport.org

Puddleguy, were you ab/dl before you were incontinent or after you had to start wearing diapers? Is it a way of dealing with this? As I read the messages from everyone I can see that there is a tendency to find a way to cope. It is a difficult trasigition from having to wear diapers to accepting that it is now the reality of life. It also requires us to readjust our own basic feelings and beliefs which we had BEFORE we were wearing and using diapers. I never knew people who had to deal with this. I am not sure what I would have thought or felt if one of my friends or family came to me and said "I have to wear diapers all the time now!" I honestly think I would have felt sorry for them - and also may have snickered under my breath. I hope I would have behaved well but human nature sometimes dosen't do that. Life is a never ending learning experience. Papa

I'm certainly not trying to judge anyone but I don't understand a person who would like to be treated as an infant or toddler because they need to use diapers for incontinence. I couldn't make that leap myself.

To each his own I suppose....

Hmmm ... DL as a way to cope. That's an interesting angle that I had not really considered till recently. The AB thing I just can wrap my mind around. And I would have said the same thing about the DL until I recently met a person that has a *real* incont issue, but happens to be a DL. Their DL-ing is their way of coping with their life-long challenge.

Papa, you are right ... "Life is a never ending learning experience".

Hello everyone. I am brand new to this site and found it quite by accident. I actually found a link while looking for diapers on line.

jakeoliver is my username. I am 58 years old, and have been incontinent now for 5 years due to nerve damge from Diabetes. I have both urinary and fecal incon, and it can become a major problem at times. My fecal incon seems to be under control now by doing excercises, and it has helped me in many ways, saving me from embarrassing moments. I have always had an overactive bladder, probably for the better part of 25 years. I had a few partime jobs where finding a bathroom was not an option, and there were times when I had a few accidents. I began to wear diapers most of the time because of the safety net and prevention of accidents. I found that wearing diapers was rather comfortable, and eventually I began to wear them in place of my underwear. I didn't really use them, but enjoyed the feeling i got, and also when I did need to go, they were there and available.

On to the topic mentioned here. I have to say like puddleguy, I have been a Dl for many years, and I also have experience with being an AB. Now please, do not be quick to judge me. I am not trying to invade this site with any AB/DL ramblings. This is not my goal. My goal is to find out how others deal with their incontinence in everyday life. My AB life is a very private and personal thing for me. I have to agree with many comments here about AB's being different, and even extreme. Many of them are extreme, and very few have anything positive to say in most of the websites they go to. i have seen it all the time. There are many AB's who are sincere and caring people. I myself am a single parent of a 16 year old boy. i have a full time job and function as an adult all of the time. My AB is a form of stress relief and works very well.

However, there is much to be learned from them. Being an AB does mean this is a perversion as was mention in one post. This is not a perversion, or even what is called a fetish. For most AB's, this is a life style. One in which they had very little choice becoming one. Most AB's have had some kind of trauma in their childhood. The events are all different for each AB. But what happens is that the child somehow gets what is called an imprint. An imprint is able to leave lasting memories for those people. I myself had a few situations as a child where I was imprinted. My imprint came from playing house as a small child of 5 and a few other instances. Someone here also mentioned they playeed house as a child, and they were always the baby as well. Once a child or person is imprinted at some point in their life, it becomes a life long life style, and one that is almost impossible to get rid. You have it for life, no matter how hard you try to rid yourself of it. There are also cases where other people find out later in life that they enjoy wearing diapers and regressing back to an age of innocence. This form of regression can be very theraputic to most. This being said, I cannot state to what extent some of this play becomes fantasy or not. Most of the AB's I now are not fantsy oriented at all. situations from an earlier stage in life has left them with this stimga.

Now, on to the DL's. In many cases these poeple wear diapers as a form of sexual stimulation, and some are very forthright about these escapades. Others wear them because of the nice feeling and comfort it brings to them. I noticed one post where there was a discussion as to wether anyone is a Dl or just an incontinent person who has to wear them. i also noticed a few comments made that people here who are incontinent do enjoy wearing diapers. I think it is up to the individual to choose if they are a Dl because of incontinence and wear for need.

The third discussion I noticed were comments about diapers as opposed to breifs or pads, or any other name that is used. For me they are called diapers, and used for that purpose. i can however understand how a person who had either an injury, or other form of incontinence all of a sudden, and then be told they willhave to wear diapers for the rest of their life. diapers certainly bring us back to the time when we were children. and as we all know, only babies wear "Diapers". Yes, this can cause lots of consternation with those who get these unexpected surprises. I also can understand how hard it can be to deal with this fact. wearing diapers is what society has termed different and childlike. But it isn't. They are deisgned to be a useful and helpful tool for us to cope with the daily of life of incontinence.

I guess ihave rambled on long enough. I would like to mention that I am very interested in reading how others deal with this dilema on a daily basis. I have found a great combination of pull-ups and full size diapers to help me daily. althogh, I am now inthe process of buying cloth diapers for cost savings.

Thank you for reading this. If anyone wants to discuss anything with me, please feel free to do so.

jakeoliver86

Jake,
Thanks for the post and welcome to the forum. I read your post and appreciate your insight on that subject. Shoppy, who manages this forum, will not allow any AB/DL to rant on this site who's only purpose is to push their belief or feelings. There are many members on this board who are AB/DL's, but do not parade around with it.
It's strange that many AB/DL are in fact incontinent to some degree and need to wear a diaper. And many incontinent people who end up in diapers have grown into wanting to wear them as a security blanket. I've been incontinent for so many years, I would feel almost naked not wearing s diaper now if I were to become continent. Sorta strange.
Anyways, thanks for your comments! ........Paul Martin

Hi Jake
Welcome to the group I read your post you make some good points. But like it or not the AB/DL thing is still more or less a fetish or a perversion

Here's the definition of perversion. 1 the act of perverting or the state of being perverted. 2 A perverted verting form, act, use, etc. 3 Deviation from the normal in sexual desires or activities 4 A deviation from the normal in structure and form

Perverted says. 1 deviating widely from what is right or acceptable. 2 Characterized by viciousness, sexual perversion

The two that stand out in the definition of pervert is: 1 To turn to an improper use or purpose; misapply 2 to deprave, debase or corrupt. or by practicing sexual perversion.

The word fetish has two that stand out. 1 something which one cultivates or to which one is devoted excessively or irrationally to. Some object that in itself is not erotic but that is sexually stimulating to certain individuals.

All definitions came from the Reader's Digest Great Encyclopedic Dictionary.


You decide..........................Sandy

I consider myself a DL but not an AB since I began to enjoy the convenience of diapers and gave up trying to maintain or restore continence. Even if my continence could be restored without much effort, I would still use diapers for convenience at least when going to movies and places where restrooms are crowded.
I have always wondered about AB's. I would consider my wife more AB than me. She does frequently want to play nurse during sexual activity. I think it is a coping mechanism. By doing the AB stuff she can feel sexual about my problem. My disability becomes part of the roleplaying so needing an incontinence pad and fresh diapers on the bed goes from being a turnoff to a turnon. I know she had a hard time and freaked out the first time I involuntarily peed on her and the bed. It was hard for her to accept that I couldn't even control myself for half an hour. It was also the only time I regretted becoming so dependent on diapers. So I think the AB stuff if just a great coping mechanism for her. Losing control and needing a bunch of incontinence stuff on the bed is normal if you are playing nurse to a disabled man.

You make a good point, jgrover. We all have to find a way of dealing with this problem and not allowing ourselves to be made depressed by it.

I wouldn't say I was a DL, but I do quite like the comfort of my nappy (diaper in the USA) at night - especially the terry toweling as it gives e confidence to sleep and not wet anything. I sometimes use a sheath (external catheter in the USA) but it has its own problems and can block or come off.

i want to thank everyone for the comments they made. it is nice to see others who do read posts here.

funny thing is, if could have my continence back, it would be a blessing. Once that control is gone and diapers become part of your daily life, i always think back to when I was able to have full control. i do accept this now as part of my life and am able to deal with very well.

I am looking forward to read other posts on many different topics here. Knowing others have the same prblems as me makes it a bit easier. listeniong hoe others deal with this everyday and what ehy do to help thier situation is very positive for me to read. I guess you never know when someone comes up[ with a great idea.

I think after 13 years I can honestly say that my fear of having another accident makes me LOVE my protection. I have worn so long that I feel completely naked when I am not wearing a diaper (even for short periods of time).
I dribble non-stop 24/7 so I get all nervous when I am not diapered...so does that make me a "diaper lover", I guess.
Having an accident in public is the worse thing possible in my opinion, and I have had my too many to count.
I guess I have a love/hate relationship with diapers. I love that they have given my freedom back, but on hot days or when I am at the gym and sweating I hate them!