www.incontinentsupport.org

This is bothering me less than it used to, but it's not really something I feel there's been any real resolution for, it's just over time gotten less acute. Most of the things I do over the course of a day don't really cause thoughts about masculinity to come up. I go to work, I do chores, errands, see friends, whatever, all that is fine. But sometimes when I'm changing my diaper and it turns out that it's extra wet/heavy that time for whatever reason... it's impossible to see the diaper as just "a different kind of underpants". A man's underwear shouldn't be heavy with his own pee.

And it's at those times that I'm reminded that for most men a full bladder is something that doesn't require immediate action, and doesn't involve leaking. I keep thinking about the fact that probably half the men I see walking around every day, probably have a full bladder at the time I see them, and they're completely dry in front and they're not panicking about finding a bathroom. Probably a lot of them won't even decide it's time to go to the bathroom at all, for another hour. And all of that time they're holding in their full bladders and going about their lives.

To me, that level of masculinity is amazing. I've never been that kind of masculine. I was always dribbling in my underpants and running for the bathroom. I wanted to be that kind of masculine, when I first called up the urologist and made that first appointment. It just turned out that it wasn't in the cards.

I don't really have a resolution for this. I still feel this way every time I think about it. Over time I guess I've just been thinking about it less. It still pops up for me when I'm at Walmart and I pass by the men's underwear aisle and see the packages of men's underwear with the photos of the men wearing it. And they look so casual and masculine and everything I wanted to be. Heck, maybe the underwear models were holding a full bladder at the time the photo shoot happened. And then here I am with an empty bladder and a full diaper. I can't do all the "guy stuff" like standing next to the other guys at the urinal, either.

I'm curious if other men have had this stuff come up for them, and if anyone has thoughts.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and solve your concerns. With you I leak continually; standing at a urinal is a distant memory. The frustration is real, but limited. Folks with other disabilities are worse off than I am. I am not arthritic; I am not dealing with a medical condition that leaves me wheelchair bound, and I am independent. In the grand scheme of life, incontinence is embarrassing, but not life threating. It is frustrating, but not catastrophic. That makes this site so valuable. This is the place for us to vent our frustrations, among friends who endure the same conditions, who understand. Good luck and keep the correspondence and support going.

Early in my IC journey, I had many of these types of feelings. But now going on five years, I think I've made peace with it. My wife and kids don't ridicule me and life simply goes on. My wife doesn't like using the word diaper but I can live with that. I know the limits of what I can get away with IC wise and for the most part don't suffer consequences.

Patrick expressed it well. There's a lot worse that we could have to face. Count your blessings.

I am 41. When I was just bedwetting, I was stupid. I did not try to date when I was young because of it. Now I am so jacked up that it is what it is.

I have gotten very good at hiding my issue, but one thing that came up this past weekend was a family member flat-out asking if I had given up even trying to find someone. Really, YEAH! I have.

I posted here years ago about just not caring anymore, and I wish I could do that with this. I see people online who don't wear a leak-proof cover (Garywear active), don't wear brief pants like underwear, and don't wear a tucked-in shirt or bodysuit.

It got to me yesterday that I did not care about how I look than I would be so much more comfortable.

I live alone and still keep shorts and stuff on (Partly because I have no butt to hold things up) I am never just in a diaper. So in a way tying to stay masculine has its drawbacks too.

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