Ellyn wrote:
I too have been incontinent for as long as I can remember to varying degrees, mostly progressive. As a kid and teen, nearly everyone knew of my incontinence. I’ve heard it all. I’ve felt it all. I get it. After graduating high school, I went away to college and had the opportunity to start over with new friends and peers. Only a handful of people know about my personal issues here and now. When I return to my mom’s house, I don’t associate with many there except my “true friends”, which are few but still very close. These are the friends that didn’t tease or ridicule me. The ones that stuck by me when I needed a friend.
I used to feel a LOT of shame as a child, up until I was diagnosed with the birth defects. I was put through hell by my friends and much worse yet, my family! Try as I might, I couldn’t stop the leakage and only went a few nights without wetting myself. I was put in diapers as a punishment, not to help me manage my leakage issues. I was spanked often and otherwise punished for something I could not manage. I never ran away because I had nowhere to escape to! CPS wasn’t around (I guess) or active in our small rural central Texas town. I considered hurting myself often but didn’t have the courage. Thank God I was diagnosed when I was! Who knows what would have happened!!
Today, I live a pretty normal life. I’m a wife, a mom, a partner in our business, an active part of our boys school, activities, etc. I do have anxiety and depression from time to time.but I work through it, usually without meds. Shame is one emotion that I have not felt since childhood. I am who I am. And I’m proud of who I am.
I was diagnosed with MS years ago but am managing it well. I have pretty much lost urinary control but maintain very good bowel control, which I’m fortunate. I manage my loss of control well and as a nearly mindless routine as I’ve done it most of my life. Except for a few, no one is the wiser about my “protection” that I wear always.
Never allow yourself to feel shame for something out of your control! Do your best and be proud of who you are. You may feel conspicuous wearing a diaper or other “protection” but regardless, 99.99% of others don’t know or care. But it’s goes well beyond that…. **You** have to accept the person you are and be confident, as everyone else also needs to be. You are the only one that can make You happy and confident. You are the only one that is critically important in accepting You. You have to be proud of You before anyone else can accept the wonderful and magnificent creation that God intended in You!
Thanking you Ellyn. :What a beautiful sentiment. I'm feeling so much better for what you have said. I do have a lot of shame and embarrassment. i think most would expect this. But there are many, like you, who have a high amount of confident and that "critically important in accepting" strength that I don't quite have the power I need. I will say that I'm getting better.
In the beginning I had a lot of bitter thinking. I didn't have a "perfect" life but I did have a great job, good friends and a nice house. And of course, strong family. I keep telling myself that I still have all of them. Perhaps not as many friends now, probably because I've some what isolated myself. I work in my family business and they have adjusted my work. I can work mostly alone. It keeps me busy and in a degree, happy.
I know it's for the acceptance that I need to work on. And I will. Thank you.
georgianchants131