www.incontinentsupport.org

It's been years since I was dependent on diapers for incontinence. I suffered with severe bowel urgency after intestinal surgery. Combined with sporadic bedwetting issues diapers became a common sense approach to managment. Despite all the related issues with needing to wear diapers I eventually accepted the my managment choice. It wasn't easy but with time it became a part of my routine. Daytime use was minimal but evening wear necessary. Wearing was essential in so many ways. Spoadic bedwetting wasn't as much the issue as severe bowel urgency. As most would probably agree, wetting in the diaper became a convenience more than a necessity. I'm trying to understand how this eventually became acceptable to me despite my dislike of having to wear. How many times had I simply wet the diaper because it was easier than using the bathroom. And as I slowly regained control of my bowels, I realized I was also beginning to defacate for the convenience factor. Don't get me wrong, I despised having to wear diapers. It was profoundly embaressing, caused deep shame and often prevented me from establishing an intimate relationship. I suppose the ease with which using a diaper compared with an unprotected bm made the decision one of practicality. Never the less, I found myself defacating in my diaper even though I knew I could probably make it to the toilet. It was obvious the bowel release was due to my being partially lazy. If my bm's had been runny I most probably would have made more of an effort. But well formed stools made clean-up easier so the lazyness continued. I justified it for the simple reason that I had convinced myself the intense urgency still needed to be managed. I suppose the purpose of this post is to see if diaper dependency is actually a form of convenience. Do others live in denial of their diminishing control issues and continue what most would consider a radical managment tool?

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don't drink te koolaid

Jack,

I think most people who are incontinent and use diapers to manager their incontinence do the same. I'm NOT an AB, DL, or consider myself to be lazy,.... but when your aready incontinent what difference does it make if you use the diaper? I know many will disagree, but I believe this is one of those topics that it just depends on the type of incontinence you have and your acceptance to the use of diapers.

I have urge incontinence because of spinal nerve damage and degenerative disc disease that is some how affecting the same spinal nerves that were damaged in a back injury several years ago. I have been bladder incontinent and diaper dependent since my back injury, but over time little by little I've become almost 100% bowel incontinent. One of the most important things I learned a long time ago was NOT to let my incontinence manage me,... but for me to manage it. I do so with schudeled diaper changes and I've pretty much come to accept whatever happens in between those changes happens. I don't live in the bathroom, and I'm not concerned if I don't use bathroom. My doc's have never asked if I make every attempt possible to use the bathroom and I don't get a gold star for using the bathroom. For those few times I may have made it in time it really didn't make much of a difference. I'm wet most time time anyway its just a question of how wet I am at any given time. I can only speak for myself, but once I made the adjustment to manage the problem ad not let the problem manage me,.... life was a lot easier to live. Now, this may not be true for everyone, but for those that stay active and do things how you manage your incontinece can be very important in how you life your life.

Jack, im in the same boat, i have moderarte to heavy incontience, and often debate whether i should just use the diaper all the time. But, i still hold out hope for a cure for incotnience, thus my hesitancy to use 24/7. But, it does seem like my control is slipping more and more.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

For me, real dependency followed convenience usually by a few months. It is typical and makes sense. Just ask anybody who had to be in a wheelchair for a few months due to broken bones; the muscles atrophy and it takes weeks of retraining to use them again. The bladder however is more complicated in that it takes mental, psychological, and physical coordination to be continent, so even if the physical side gets fixed you still need the mental (no brain damage) and psychological (not be frightful of accidents or like the convenience of absorbent products) to give up using protection. It is a very common reason doctors resist the use of absorbent products. Almost all the literature on incontinence mentions absorbent products causing patients to accept their incontinence, refrain from further treatment, and become dependent on the products instead. Happens to a lot to perfectly continent people who end up in cheap assisted living and nursing homes. They are put in briefs since it is more convenient for the nursing staff than helping them walk to the bathroom or help take their pants off every couple of hours. Within a year they end up really incontinent with little chance of regaining control due to their age.
The unique thing about bladder incontinence as opposed to other disabilities is it is easily managed to the point of being able to maintain 100% social continence even if you have total loss of bladder control so there is less motivation to try to fix the problem once you get over the mental hurdle that it is okay to depend on diapers.

yes, the above is true.. i know myself that relying on absorbent products made me hesitant to stop using them even when the incontinence stopped being so heavy and was light during the detrol trial. Or, it could be the fact that i had put up with wet underpants for so long i never wanted to take the chance id have them again by putting my faith in a drug. It could be said the reason i still wet myself on the detrol was because i was still wearing diapers, but by the same token, i was TRYING hard to stop the leakage.

Detrol and Vesicare did not work for me. In fact, i have the exact same incontinence episodes and patterns on the stuff as i did off of it. the only real difference is i wet a little bit less on the vesicare and detrol. But i would still be left with little drips and drops on my underwear without padding. To me, that was unacceptable. I had lived with that for years and am tired of it. So, either they find a medictaiton that makes me TOTALLY dry just like everybody else, and i get all my urine in the toilet, or i will continue to wear and, yes, use diapers. I really wanted the vesicare to work. But id rather be comfortable and still diapered, then insecure and wet on the off chance that it may not work. If that makes me "accepting" incontinence, then so be it. Yes, i want to be continent. Yes, i want the treatments to work. But as ive stated elswhere, after wearing diapers so long, it would be an adjustment to wear regular underwear again.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

I agree with most that was said here. I have had times where I thought my incontinence was all but gone, (many dry days/nights) and then the flood gates would open. I had an episode where I was dry most of the time and I went to a birthday party without a diaper. It turned out to be a huge mistake.

I had been there for a couple of hours and used the restroom every half hour or so just to make sure. I went to use it again later and there was a long line winding from the bathroom, down the hall. To make matters worse, it was the only bathroom in the house. I got the urge to pee and the flood gates opened and I completely soaked myself down to my shoes. I bolted from the house amid howls of laughter, ran to my car and sped home.

Ever since that day whether I have drier days than most I don't go any where or do anything without wearing a diaper. People who are not incontinent can say what they will but I am going to be safe than soaked ever again.

I went through a short period myself when my wettings were lighter and less frequent... so I thought I would be okay without protection for short periods of time. That didn't work very well.

I still have my good days and bad, as we all do... and there are times I know that if I dropped everything that second and ran to the toilet I'd probably make it. But honestly once you've got a diaper on you are pretty much expected to use it. I've tried a lot of products... and I still haven't found any kind of pull-up that works nearly as well as a full diaper.

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~~PuddleGuy

Yes, i still drop everything and run to the toilet even when im diapered. I still havent gotten used to the idea of using them. Because if i do, its as if im giving up. But, i remember that whether or not i use the bathroom, eventualy i end up with a wet diaper. It may be a little drop, it may be a spurt. But, i'm STILL wet.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Hi everyone reading the post's onthe ups and down of incontinence.There would be times of dry then accidents came again more at night but it seems to me no two people's incontinence are the same.I just deal with it and don't let it control me but you do have to make adjustments.

QFT... Quoted For Truth. You can't let it ruin your life... just take care of it and move on. There's a lot of living to do out there... lack of control shouldn't stop anyone.

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~~PuddleGuy