Dermatology appointment

[RetiredRN]

Several years ago I had my first TURP. In the surgery holding room I was ask to remove all clothing and put in a surgical gown. I told the nurse that I had urgency incontinence and was wearing a diaper. She said it was OK to leave the diaper on. I was taken to have the surgery done, still wearing my diaper, when I woke up the diaper was removed and I had a catheter in place.

My advice is just tell the doctor or nurse you are wearing a diaper and why. They should not make any disparaging remarks. If they do then your have a right to complain.

When I was working as an RN, I just went ahead with my duties if someone was wearing a diaper. That is the attitude a medical person should have. Any other attitude is unacceptable.

[Don]

In 2014, I had a surgery to repair an inguinal hernia. This happened at a separate VA hospital. On the morning of the surgery, the nurse came in for the pre-op. She asked if I could pull up my gown to the the surgical site. At this point I told her I have neurogenic incontinence and that I was wearing a diaper. She just said ok, no problem, and carried on. When the surgeon came to meet me before I went back she informed him of my condition and of my undergarments and his reaction was the same. They said they would just take it off before the procedure. When I woke up, I had on a new one, although it wasn't put on tight enough, but oh well, they tried. The anesthesiologist came to check on me. He asked how I was doing. At this point he politely informed me that I had wet the operating table. I guess they neglected a catheter during surgery. Eek! Anyway, I was then hospitalized for 4 days due to an infection and fever. I was in so much pain that I needed help changing. The only person that disrespected me there out of my whole stay came from an ignorant nursing assistant. I had rung my nurse call bell to help me and from out in the hall she (loudly I might add) walked by my room and asked, "do you need your diaper changed?". I just asked, "can you please get my nurse?". She walked away. My nurse came and I never saw the assistant again. I told my VA internal medicine doc after I was discharged. He said he would let the charge nurse know. Sometimes people just have no sense when it comes to the feelings of others. They forget we are people too.

[B Brian]

Yeah, most docs and nurses are good about it, but I've had a few that were complete a-holes too.

Once I had an exam once where I had to disrobe and when the doctor saw my diaper he actually said "what's that for". Of course I was a bit shocked by his comment. All I could think of answering was, "you must have gone to a really bad medical school. To think they didn't teach you what a diaper is, and what they are used for". At least he apologized and we moved on to my exam.

[Inconinmiss]

I am up front about all my medical conditions with every physician that I see. I don't think that you can expect physicians to make the best medical recommendations unless they know the whole story. Every urologist that I've ever seen has recommended that I wear an external catheter instead of a diaper. One urologist even told me that wearing a diaper is "unmanly." However all the other doctors that I've seen (and I've seen quite a few) have been OK with my wearing a diaper once they understood that I have urge incontinence. Nurses working in doctors' offices and hospital nurses have also uniformly been OK with it.

[Don]

Brian,
That doc may have meant no offense. It may just have been his way of asking why you wear them. I've been asked something similar. About 10 years ago, I saw another dermatologist. Once again she was doing a skin exam. I had my shorts on over my diaper and she saw the edges sticking out. She just gave it a tug and asked "what's this?". I didn't think she was being rude she just wanted to know why I was wearing such a thing. I explained it very simple and she just said "you poor thing". This was southern Texas. So none taken to be rude. I think she felt bad for me.

[B Brian]

Brian,
That doc may have meant no offense. It may just have been his way of asking why you wear them. I've been asked something similar. About 10 years ago, I saw another dermatologist. Once again she was doing a skin exam. I had my shorts on over my diaper and she saw the edges sticking out. She just gave it a tug and asked "what's this?". I didn't think she was being rude she just wanted to know why I was wearing such a thing. I explained it very simple and she just said "you poor thing". This was southern Texas. So none taken to be rude. I think she felt bad for me.

I don't believe so. I caught it in his tone of voice, like he was disgusted to see any adult wearing a diaper. That's why I kind of laid it on him in my response.

And yeah, some urologists and doctors really are disgusted by diapers. The urologists especially seem to take it like we should be doing anything to be "cured" of needing them, including radical surgeries.

[Don]

I'd imagine they feel like if we are using a diaper then that means we have given up. It's their job to find a cure and make our lives better. In their mind, they may see that sitting in your urine and soils, how could that be better than what they have to offer. So they offer what they have been taught in med school such as medication treatments and therapies. Many of them just want to help. Yes, I have experienced some real jerks too such as the one in the subject of this thread, but overall, my experience has been fairly positive. I'm not discounting what you say, I'm just offering an alternative point of view. You may have just come across one of those other types who may have been having a bad day. Who knows? He probably could have been less condescending. I guess for me, I'm double incontinent. My old internal medicine doc said that with bowel incontinence, there is only so much they can do. I do the best I can but I'll probably be in diapers for the rest of my life unless they can cure neurogenic bladder and bowel.

[ThatFLguy]

Well like I said earlier, been there and done that. Anyway sometimes we have to remind these people just who pays their pay checks. I agree with Don on this one that a lot of medical people see using diapers as giving up. Years ago I had to fight with my Urologist over using diapers vs trying out some new drug. I ended up taking a lot of things because I was to young to say no. at the age of 18 I was fed up and like I stated before I put my fist though a window and decided to stop taking drugs to handle a problem that was not going to kill me. Another thing is that at the time the drugs that they were trying to get me to take cost more than the diapers I was using. Fact of the matter is that there is nothing wrong with a diaper. If medical staff would learn not to see it as taboo our demographic could be at ease. One thing we call all agree on is that some of the drugs have worse side effects that what they are trying to cure or manage.

[Don]

I don't think the taboo comes necessarily from medical staff, if anything, I find them more understanding. If there is anyone who finds incontinence taboo it is the general public. I think they believe that only babies and the elderly wear diapers, such as with Alzheimer's patients. Regular, healthy looking adults just don't wear diapers. I am 5'10", 200lbs. and in good shape with tattoos of the U.S. Marines. I probably don't look like I wear diapers because I wet and soil myself, because I don't fit the public's stereotypical mold of what a disabled person looks like. My disabilities are invisible to the general public. I have several. I don't tell anyone about my disabilities because there is a great deal of stigma associated with them. I don't see any of us trying to erase that stigma but educating people on the tribulations of dealing with incontinence. Many people make fun of ads and commercials and just do not understand our condition. Most of the time, incontinence is not a sole lying condition. It is a symptom of some other greater issue at work within our bodies. And like I was mentioning earlier, unless we can change that stigma, nothing will change. I'm not saying go around telling people you wear diapers, far from it, don't be so ashamed. You didn't do anything to cause this. It just a health issue you can't control. If people can't understand that, then you don't need them in your life. This goes with medical professionals too. They work for you. If you don't like them because they make you feel at odds, find someone new! Cheers.

[justej]

I have had one nurse tell me I was too young to be in diapers. Then when I told her it started after my fall she said "oh I'm sorry". I don't have my home health aids anymore but when I had them they all told me that I was not alone. That many of their patients were in diapers. My primary care doc was understanding and even offered to help me get my supplies. My first urologist was amazing but my second (the first left her practice) was worthless and clueless. I've yet to pursue another urologist