I feel a heaviness over me when I think about this.
Warning: It is descriptive. But I really feel the need to talk about this I am married and my wife is supportive but I still feel alone because I don't like telling her everything and she thinks the doctors will magically fix this.
I've had urinary incontinence in varying degrees over the last several years but this recent development really weighs heavy on me.
I started noticing small amounts of soft fecal matter around my anus starting about two years ago. It was easy to miss at first. Then it was easy to pass off as perhaps me forgetting to clean up. Or that maybe it was a bit of liquid from a diverticulitis attack seeping out. And it probably was liquid sometimes. But it wasn't always liquid. And it was in increasing amounts. And I could sometimes smell before I felt it. It would happen unexpectedly. Sometimes I would feel a little trickle. Sometimes I didn't feel a trickle but felt very wet and thought I must of sweated back there, but it wasn't sweat. Then I noticed when I was sitting in a chair that someone sitting on the floor next to me kept making faces and looking back. I didn't understand why until I made it to the washroom.
Why is this happening? I know nobody here can tell me why but that is the biggest question I have.
I thought it might be liquid bypassing a blocked stool, but it's not always liquid and I'm not always constipated when it happens.
Maybe my sphincter was damaged from too much constipation and straining. It did bleed quite a bit a few years back after passing a very difficult stool, I never told my doctor.
Maybe it's nerve damage. I already have nerve damage in part of my leg from my low back. I have partial numbness in my left leg. I had symptoms similar to cauda equina a couple years ago. It seemed to resolve itself after a couple of weeks but it started with very sore hips and thighs, I thought it was the flu. Then my legs started going into spasms. I could not sit or lay down, I had to fall asleep standing up (it is as bad as it sounds). And I had urine retention. But when I went to the ER the doctor did a rectal exam and I still had some sensation there, even though it was a bit weak.
I notice when I clean up after a bowel movement it doesn't take much pressure to open the sphincter, in fact sometimes it is already open. I tried manually squeezing and the pressure is very weak, almost non existent. It is very hard to stay clean back there, I almost constantly have a little bit leaking out. My low back has been extra sore lately and I have been getting sciatica frequently.
I notice if I try to wait when I feel I need a BM that a little will push out before I can make it there.
Again I apologize for the lengthy description and details. This bothers me much more than the urinary incontinence. I think I'm worried most about what is causing this. But still humiliated by the presence of a foul odor from time to time.