Gee, I can tell you there is NOTHING I can't do while wearing a diaper that I couldn't do before I became incontinent (well, not because of the incontinence any ways). While I am only UI, I do work in an office and nobody has ever even noticed. Use the Enemas, Nullo and a good diaper cover like the others have said and you should be just fine too.
Yes, a well fitted diaper should fit like a diaper and not like underwear. Yes they will extend up over your normal waistband line (hips), and up to your actual waist line (belly button). This is how they are supposed to fit, which will also help the diaper to contain everything much better.
You just need to experiment and find the right combination that will work for your body. Once you get that, and a few months of using diapers in an office, you will get that confidence you are looking for. Unfortunately it takes time, so try to stay calm over it all for now.
As for the 30% chance of a surgery being successful. I personally would not do it unless there is also a 90% plus chance that nothing could go wrong or get worse because of the surgery. But this is the exact same as saying there is a 70% chance it WILL go wrong- no way! I probably wouldn't even consider a surgery unless I had at least a 60% chance of success. That's just me though.
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