www.incontinentsupport.org

Thanks for the welcome.

I can assure you telling a friend was awkward at first. I was having a bad day with kidneys (a very cold day and maybe one or two extra glasses of water or one cup too many of coffee [after all it's a thing here. Everyone drinks it, even those who shouldn't] ), and I had some pains in the kidneys and lower urinary tract. Irritation, you know. My friend asked if I was okay and I told him that it's the kidneys, a real pain in the back (pun intended). "Oh", he said, "sounds nasty." So I told him a bit more and sort of led the discussion into frequent urination and urgency (I had wanted to tell someone for quite some time, and this looked like a good opportunity to get over with it). He went: "Yeah, but you are continent, right? So you don't have to wear incontinence products [a very professional term I might add]." And I went "Well, actually..." But as I stated above, he took it okay. The only questions he actually had "Do you buy them near the closing hours" and "So do you compare the different properties as you would with a phone or a car, like absorbency, fit, colour and stuff?". It was pretty hilarious actually. As I said before, it's good to have a sense of humour about it all, and find the absurd and comical sides of the problem (although I understand perfectly well that not all people can do this and it's OK, too).

Once I went to the local supermarket with a friend, who knows I have OAB but does not know about wearing. We were complaining about something (as Finns do) and passed the childcare-section. And he goes "Ah, man, you should buy diapers so you could just wet yourself as a protest to all this." And I thought "well if you just knew what I am wearing right now."

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Linja-autojen ja rakkauden perässä voi juosta tai odottaa seuraavaa.

my immediate family knows (parents and sister) and like 3 of my friends know. some of my friends know I have "issues" after my surgery but not that I have to wear. one knows because he lived with me for awhile and there was no avoiding it. the others are really close friends.

My wife knows, it was incredibly hard and embarrassing as I managed to keep it a secret for as long as i could. I would not sleep for days (felt like it anyway) so i would get up every hour so I wouldn't wet the bed. I would also try and wear the thinnest protection I could get away with while we were out while trying to do forced voiding in every possible rest stop/toilet which with my particular condition is very hard. I was petrified that she would think less of me or less of a man because of my problem and I was living with massive anxiety over the situation. In the end it was clearly noticeable I had continence issues and of course her being the wonderful person she is really doesn't care, I mean she works in a school for servely special needs children and has to change pads day in day out and sees them all the time. My parents know as well as its been a problem for years for me. When I did tell my wife she said she knew anyway and it really doesn't bother her and we generally laugh (usually me with a very red face) about it. But having the relief of not having to make a excuse to go to the bathroom constantly is a god send and i finally feel I can lead a relatively normal life. As far as telling my friends who I am very close with not yet. They will understand but I count myself as a mans man with my job and sport and it still feels a bit degrading too me. I'm working on it, if you spoke to me in real life you would know I don't have confidence issues. Until it comes to my waterworks!

Cycling_guy

Hi Ted,

I am 23 and I am currently double incontinent, which has been the case since I was 17. For the record, I have had fluctuating continence throughout my life and it has never been perfect, so that may alter my view slightly.

I do what I need to do. I do care who notices, but if it's a choice between leaking in front of them and changing near them, I know what I will pick. Just dealing with it, being professional, precise and clean, is the best possible impression a person can give.

My girlfriend knows, of course. I had to tell her, and being a health-care professional she was completely OK with it. Just adding her to the list I made earlier.

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Linja-autojen ja rakkauden perässä voi juosta tai odottaa seuraavaa.

For me, my immediate family knows. Along with my in laws. My wife and my sister-in-law are nurses. They work on cardiac floors. My father in law is a radiology tech. He knows. My mother in law knew but sadly, she recently passed away. My wife’s grandparents know. We are a close family. They all know I’m in poor health. Nobody says anything. I carry my back pack everywhere. Nobody questions as to what is in it. My wife’s aunt is a doctor of nursing practice. She also knows. I had a friend at my old job that I was close to. He knew that way he could cover for me at work. Nobody has ever asked. Although I would think if people are smart enough, and I’m under no illusion they aren’t, some people are bound to figure it out. I don’t worry about things I can’t help. For the people I’ve told, everybody has been very kind.

My fiance knows, she actually helped me make the transition into wearing full time. My two sisters know. I have a couple friends who know and they help me with creating windows of opportunity and cover for me when I need to have a change. I'm lucky to have such great people around me.

I wonder if how you feel about telling others/how they handle your incontinence is somewhat correlated with your age and how you became incontinent? For example, I’m only 28 and my incontinence took a relatively slow, progressive path. Wet the bed until 4th grade, have dealt with post-void and urgency pretty much all my life, bedwetting returned in high-school, had my gallbladder removed which led to dumping syndrome (on top of the IBS I’ve always had) which has led to reoccurring fecal issues, and now my incontinence and urge has gotten to the point that I leak at random. All that to say that I can’t point to a particular injury or surgery that would logically explain my incontinence. I’m certainly not saying that I wish I had suffered an injury because I know many of you have and my heart goes out to you all. I just wonder if it makes people more understanding, and in turn whether it may be easier to tell them? I mean either way, it’s something out of our control, but I’m a social scientist by trade so I like to wonder about how people think

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"It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
- Rose Kennedy

My Wife, my Doctor, and three of my best friends and their wives know I have to wear "protection" for my incontinence issues. I try to keep the fact that I need to wear private but if I was ever asked I would just be matter-of-fact about it and say that it's due to prostate problems. When telling friends I've found it useful to not go into too much detail and just say that I need to wear "protective underwear" to avoid any leaks. I'm pretty sure that my explanation conjures up visions of pads or maybe Depends pull-ups which is at least not so unfamiliar/stigmatized as a tape-up diaper. Note that I do avoid using the word "diaper" as I feel it's really too much info, and can lead to unnecessary worry or be off putting. I have even made a little joke about it saying that at least I get to have brand new underwear every day. In my experience their reaction to my news has been very matter-of-fact and positive.