Hi Rope, good to hear from you again, but sorry to read about your problems.
Rope, there are small differences in the surgeries and we all recover at different rates, but plan on that shoulder possibly being out of action for months. If you overdo it before it has had time to completely heal, you will have a major setback or possibly permanent damage. I had to sleep in a recliner for 3 months due to the pain.
Your primary options are to pre-tape 3 of the diaper tapes and build up a stock of those diapers or plan on wearing pull-ups. Pullups are much better than nothing.
You will find it almost impossible to manage a catheter with only one hand, maintaining the hygiene necessary to avoid UTIs.
Absolutely accept your wife's offer to help you. You will need it. Even though she will not be around all of the time she will be able to help and you will appreciate it at the time. Some advice, let her see how you put on your diaper and tape it. Then ask her to change you and put diapers on you a couple of times prior to the shoulder surgery. When you come home and are in pain and fuzzy from the narcotics is not a good time to instruct your wife in how to put a diaper on you.
Practice ahead of time the 3-tape diaper trick and putting one on using only one hand, to be sure that it works for you. Also be sure that you can remove and put on your clothing with only one hand.
Remember, with only one hand, you will not be able to easily twist and reach some areas of your body. Twisting also will cause you pain.
As everything will take much longer, using just one hand, plan how you will handle a poopy diaper and clean up. It will happen when you just can't get your clothes and diaper off fast enough to use the toilet. A hand-held shower is a good option for the one-handed cleanup.
Also, the pain pills will cause you to have digestive problems. Initially severe constipation and very possibly overflow constipation in the form of diarrhea. Yuck!

My doctors had me take high doses of Miralax to counter the constipation.
Plan how you will dress yourself, put on shirt, socks, shoes, etc. It will not be easy. Your wife's assistance will be very helpful here. You may find some disability dressing tools to be very helpful. I have been there multiple times and know.
After all is said and done and you have fully recovered, it will have been worth it.
I'm sure many others will offer sound advice.
Good luck!
--John