Having help changing

[Wetters]

Hi, msshendo, thanks for coming to my defense. I truly appreciate that - you are a great friend and IMHO a valuable asset to the ISC forum.

Nicbar had asked for views on the subject (he has edited his post). I get it that help with diaper-changing is necessary in a hospital or home care setting when a person is incapacitated or has mobility/motor skills deficits, but when a person is physically and mentally/emotionally able to manage his/her daily care, I feel that he/she should do exactly that. I'm with Patrick in that independence is of extreme importance, not only for preserving one's dignity, but for keeping a person focused on daily life.

I hope that you and your family have had a great summer.

Best Regards,
Wetters

[kdlstar]

As an adult male with enough medical issues that my doctors refer to me as an interesting patient, I frequently need assistance with incontinence management. Too often the trade-off has been either to accept assistance or endure a flaming diaper rash. I guess, for some, the assistance of parents would be reassuring. However, the highest priority for me is my independence. Avoiding embarrassment comes in a close second.

I think a lot of people here are the same way- There is really no point in blind pride when your life & health is on the line.
Having or developing injuries, disabilities and life changing events can be a very humbling experience. Essentially you learn to either request and accept help.... or you can face a litany of worsening problems.

I am reminded of an old adage-
"A smart, humble man readily accepts help from others and outlives the proud man who always refuses it!"

This meme is also very good- "It takes strength to ask for help"


These are 2 phrases I soon learned the meaning of last year. If I had been blindly prideful and refused treatment for my intimate pelvic pain, urinary issues, weakness, anxiety, panic attacks, depression & PTSD etc., I would have been dead instead of now training for a half marathon!
It shows a deep sense of self worth, mindfulness, self knowledge, and internal strength to be able to ask for help when you need it- even a diaper change!

[kdlstar]

Hi, msshendo, thanks for coming to my defense. I truly appreciate that - you are a great friend and IMHO a valuable asset to the ISC forum.

Nicbar had asked for views on the subject (he has edited his post). I get it that help with diaper-changing is necessary in a hospital or home care setting when a person is incapacitated or has mobility/motor skills deficits, but when a person is physically and mentally/emotionally able to manage his/her daily care, I feel that he/she should do exactly that. I'm with Patrick in that independence is of extreme importance, not only for preserving one's dignity, but for keeping a person focused on daily life.

I hope that you and your family have had a great summer.

Best Regards,
Wetters

Wetters- While 'independence' is important- no doubt about that- I believe that we ought to be understanding of what others are going through and have gone through
There really is no sense of dignity when you are dead. Blind pride and shame is something you learn to put aside when you are facing health issues or even when you gotta complete a project, or are faced with life altering events. As they say- "There is no shame in asking for help. The only shame is failing to ask when you need it"
And you kinda learn to accept help & support from wherever it comes- so long as it is good & honest

It is not really clear as to the reason nicbar's parents changed him for so many years. Nor is it really clear as to his capabilities and what made changing himself so difficult. I can think of a ton of coordination problems for example that might make it difficult for someone to change themselves. Moreover, even if he had the full capability emotionally, mentally & physically, etc to change himself- I don't find the initial childish remark of utter disgust to be helpful in any way, shape or form. As I noted in my reply to msshendo, I believe that as a support forum, people should be quite understanding, empathetic and considerate as everyone likely has a litany of issues they have and/or are dealing with

[msshendo]

kdlstar, I'm not trying to start a fight and I'm not going to continue with one. All I'm saying is please be a bit more respectfull and try not to start attacking people on your 5th day as a member here, especially with one who has been here longer than you have and is respected and admired here.

[Wetters]

msshendo, Thanks again. I really appreciate your solidarity. I'm so happy that you're a member of this forum and that I have the opportunity for and gratification of interacting with you.

Wetters

[johnstone]

Kdlstar,

Thank you for your concern. I receive the best possible healthcare from the VA. As a patient of the local VA Spinal Cord Injury (SCI) clinic, they are provide the best care possible. Most of what the SCI clinic does is follow the health care plan provided by the "Regional" SCI Center that I visit for a week so they can do a full work-up, and evaluation since my last visit and then make changes as necessary. I have experienced health care under private insurance, and what the VA provides and there is NO comparison between the two. Hands down the best possible care comes from the VA. I honestly don't think there is a limit to how much the VA will spend on health care of a person. This maybe no be good for the tax payers of the United Sates, but it is good for the veterans that served. I was NOT injured on active duty, but I was honorably discharged as an Army E-7, with 9 years of service so I am NOT retired military service either. It makes no difference that I was, or was not injured on active duty, I am medically treated the same as those currently on active duty with a spinal cord injury. They take priority,.... and why shouldn't they? I receive the same "earned" medical benefits for my service. The VA may have problems in some areas, but when it comes to any VET with any kind of "severe" SCI, I have never experience any problems, or issues and can only say positive things about the health care provided by the VA.

[kdlstar]

Here i will quote Wetters and someone can tell me what the value of that comment is
on a support forum for incontinence. IF AND THAT IS A BIG IF- there is actual value to that comment
aside from being a very disparaging and quite unnecessary remark, then I will gladly apologize

Nicbar - Eeww.

Wetters

Msshendo- as I said in my reply to you, i have deep respect for everyone in the community- and really hope that we
may act with consideration and empathy.
If you really read my initial comment- you see i merely am pointing out the inappropriateness of the comment
and I asked if wetters has been having bad mornings- out of honest concern for her so everyone may be more understanding if she has some plight or troubles, etc. In my initial post on this thread, if you actually read
the whole comment, you see I am trying to ensure everyone tries to be understanding and empathetic towards everyone else's plights, circumstances, disabilities, etc
It is kinda bizarre you should be chastising me here.....

Like i have said, I believe many people here- especially on an incontinence support group- have had more than enough shame, or humiliation and disgust to deal with. We really should hold off on making CHILDISH remarks of total disgust to one another - that is uncalled for.

[kdlstar]

Kdlstar,

Thank you for your concern. I receive the best possible healthcare from the VA. As a patient of the local VA Spinal Cord Injury (SCI) clinic, they are provide the best care possible. Most of what the SCI clinic does is follow the health care plan provided by the "Regional" SCI Center that I visit for a week so they can do a full work-up, and evaluation since my last visit and then make changes as necessary. I have experienced health care under private insurance, and what the VA provides and there is NO comparison between the two. Hands down the best possible care comes from the VA. I honestly don't think there is a limit to how much the VA will spend on health care of a person. This maybe no be good for the tax payers of the United Sates, but it is good for the veterans that served. I was NOT injured on active duty, but I was honorably discharged as an Army E-7, with 9 years of service so I am NOT retired military service either. It makes no difference that I was, or was not injured on active duty, I am medically treated the same as those currently on active duty with a spinal cord injury. They take priority,.... and why shouldn't they? I receive the same "earned" medical benefits for my service. The VA may have problems in some areas, but when it comes to any VET with any kind of "severe" SCI, I have never experience any problems, or issues and can only say positive things about the health care provided by the VA.

Johnstone,
It is good to know that you have good treatment there. I have heard many... not so rave reviews of the VA system- especially delays, etc.
I guess part of it is the mental health aspect- like when I was trying to find help for my panic attacks, and PTSD, I came across a good many stories of
either vets with anxiety & mental troubles facing a big hassle of getting the proper therapy & treatment- or the VA just dismissing them with a bottle of drugs.
I am not sure if you have tried this, but I found nerve blocks to give quite a good amount of relief to a lot of pelvic pain and back pain I was having.

[nicbar1981]

Hi yes my Incontence due to some issues with my late development and I suffer form Seizures that's why I have help at times when I've been unwell mum that I still live at home due to my condition (seizures) I still to this day have issues with waking up if I am solid unfortunately I hope you all understand
Regards

Nic

[msshendo]

kdlstar, As I already stated, I'm not starting a fight nor will I continue a fight. I have said my peace. I disagree with you. As adults, we can agree to disagree. That is all. I'm done with this conversation. We can move on now.