www.incontinentsupport.org

I've been at my current job for nearly 3 years. I tried to make it without protection at the very beginning, resorting to dehydration (which only resulted in recurring UTIs) and frequent restroom trips. The frequent trips (on the order of every 20 minutes) garnered the attention of my boss, whose office is across from my cube, though he never said anything. It was the pain and discomfort from the recurrent UTIs (and the fact that I had to wear protection whenever an infection was active) that convinced me to just wear diapers at work and keep up with the fluid intake recommended by my urology surgeon.

I have a small half-size messenger bag, fairly discreet I thought, that serves as a diaper bag. The boss is apparently observant and has noticed that I take it to the restroom a couple times per day. Last week, we were both in the office late after everyone had left. He was on his way out the door, we were talking and he paused a bit, like he was thinking of what he was going to say, and asked about the bag. He asked if I was diabetic (no) and commented that it was a bit big of a bag for that. He asked if it was medical. I said it was a bit embarrassing and that I make a point of it to not allow it to impact my work. From what he replied, I gathered that there wasn't actually a performance issue that prompted him to ask. So I responded simply with 'it is medical, I am seeing a doctor for it, I am not getting much of a result unfortunately.' And I left it at that, no more details, even though he was asking. His words were along the lines of 'if there was something wrong, you would tell me, right?' Hell, what was I going to say--'yeah, that's my diaper bag'?!

I'm not really sure if I should leave this where it is with him or offer more details. If there's not a performance issue, I'm not sure why he would care, actually. It's more the fact that he doesn't know exactly what is wrong now; is blunt truth better than leaving him wondering and possibly suspicious?

If it is no more frequent in the number of trips to the loo when wearing, and it is not effecting your work performance, then I don't think he should be pushing the topic, it is none of his business. If you feel it may help him understand and can TOTALLY trust that he will keep it "Confidential" then it's up to you if you want to end his wondering. The ADA covers you in regards to Incontinence as a disability, so it is not likely he would try and make anything of it if he was at all wise to what boundaries he is stepping into. I would leave it until he asked further, then decide. Puffy

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Puffy
BC, Canada
Fighting the "Bladder Battle" since 1995

Well said Puffy. I wouldn't give more details unless asked for more details. The fact that you stated that it is medical should be enough. Curious or not, with ADA he really can't pry any further or you could contact HR or take it further and I'm sure he doesn't want that. As a manager I'm sure he is aware of this and the implications if he keeps pressing.

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"Why is the rum always gone?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise." -
Gore Vidal

The boss may not be trying to pry but instead may have a legitimate concern. He may be worried about anything illegal going on (employee using drugs, whatever) or be concerned if you are away from your desk too much. I don't think you need to be specific but going to his desk and just saying that you have an embarrassing medical issue and that you are working your full shift and not letting your problem impact your performance might aleviate his curiosity and/or concern.

I'm guessing he's trying to anticipate whether or not you're going to need accommodation, or potentially require leave in the future.

I would simply assure him that it's not an issue likely to impact your job, and that you have it well in hand without accommodation; and that you will tell him if the situation were to change.

He's probably trying to cover his bases to be sure that he isn't exposing the company to a lawsuit by not paying attention.

Thank you all, you've made some really good points. He probably is trying to anticipate if there might be a future problem. He hasn't brought it up again yet, though.