www.incontinentsupport.org

Thank you all for responding. I'm sorry I haven't replied in awhile but with work and the Holiday's, I've had little free time. As of now, my doctor thinks it may be something called short gut syndrome combined with gastrointestinal Malabsorbtion Syndrome related to my gastric bypass. The symtoms may have only manifested themselves so long after the surgery because I'm getting older and, as he said, our bodies just don't work as well. The intestines I have left aren't absorbing nutrients and fats as well as they once did. I will have to get B 12 shots for the rest of my life every other month. He is checking other nutrient levels and I may need other shots. I have been taking psyllium fiber supplements and stopped taking the metformin. My blood sugars have actually been running low probably due to the 50 pounds I've lost in the past 6 to 8 months. The diarrhea is better, and for a while, I was severely constipated When I stopped the metformin. I was very happy with this as I didn't need to wear any type protection ie: diapers. However, I had another accident in public and fortunately I had my diaper bag with extra clothes. My gastrointestinal doctor has ruled out anything that might kill me so long as I monitor my vitamin levels and diabetes. I'm going to stop seeing him and just go with my regular doctor. My specialist is a 4 hour round trip drive away.II'd make the drive every day if I thought it would help, but it's just one test after another with no end insight. I think it's time to accept the situation and get on with my life. I'm feeling mixed emotions right now as I've decided to use diapers to deal with this. Part of me feels guilty and I should continue to fight it, but most of me just wants to accept things and get on with life. I've been wearing them to bed every night to protect my bedding for about a year and except for work, every day I'm away from home or even out in the yard for about 6 months or so. I've recently started wearing them to work after a few incidents that reminded me the only worse thing than having to wear a diaper is needing one and not having one on. It's funny, when I first started wearing them in public, I was so nervous and self conscious. I was afraid everyone could tell. After awhile, I realized that with the proper clothing it was possible to be completely discreet. Except for changing in a public restroom that is. The loudest sound in the world has got to be the ripping sound a diaper tape makes especially when your the one wearing it. I now carry scissors in my diaper bag to cut the diaper off, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what you are doing. I hate changing in a multistall public restroom, but I've gotten some what used to doing it when it's absolutely necessary. I could write another post on some of the things people have said. It's a wonder I'm not in jail after hearing some of the rude remarks. Now I find I'm not comfortable going out of the house undiapered. I'm more afraid of an unprotected bowel accident than wearing a diaper. I don't feel secure or comfortable without a diaper on. I've had enough accidents where that piece of absorbent plastic was the only thing that saved my dignity. I've begun to feel a grudging gratitude towards my diaper and I have been more than thankfull I was wearing one on many occasions. I guess you could call them my functional security blanket. I know that when I have an accident, I'll never have my stool run down my legs as I flee whatever public place I happen to be at the time as long as I've got one on. Yes, I've had that humiliating experiance and I don't recommend it. I'm havinging issues now, not so much with the diapers or incontinence, but my acceptance of the situation. I realize that I'll probably always be wearing one these infernal things, but it is better than not having one on and needing it. I try to put things in perspective. I have a friend with a child who was born with spina bifida (sp). He has never had any bladder or bowel control (among his many other health issues) and probably never will. I can only imagine what school is like for him. It was bad enough for me as a bedwetter. I was so afraid everyone would find out I wet the bed and wore diapers everynight. Thank god my secret never got out. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to experiance total incontinence in school. He is about 10 now and I've lost count of how many surgeries he's had. I know he had three before his first birthday. Even worse, for some unexplained reason he cannot tolerate pain killers. They shut his breathing down. Every surgery for this poor kid is agony. I've spent hours on the phone listening to his father cry when his son is in incredible pain from yet another surgery. The Spina bifida also causes gastrointestinal Malabsorbtion syndrom far worse than mine. He needs daily vitamin injections and liquid supplements. Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, I just remember all I have to do is wear a diaper because I have occasion bowel accidents and get monthly injections. I've been wearing one diaper brand or another for so long I can sometimes forget about what I'm wearing. Except for the Confidry, I always know I've got that one on. I'll trade that inconvenience for the security it offers anyday. I've had some very bad accidents with stool that was little more than brown water. The Confidry literally saved my butt. Yes, pun intended and this is plug for the Confidry brand. Sociological Geek, I never used to use my diaper for urination as I had no problems with the plumbing up front and I didn't what risk something else leaking. It took some "maneuvering" but I could use the toilet for that. You are right, a diaper designed fecal issues is, by it's very nature, definitely full coverage, which is what you want unless you don't mind your feces leaking out of ypur diaper. I don't. Some of my lesser diapers are fairly easy to move around, but Abena' and Confidry's are pretty difficult. The only way I found was to undue the bottom tape. However, I could never get the tape to restick, so I had to reinforce it with duct tape. Since I've decided to handle my issue with diapers at least for now, I pee in them when I need to. After you've changed your own messy diaper (especially in a public restroom) a little urine ain't nothing. I'm not trying to marginalized what people go through who suffer urinary incontinence, I know that is a tough cross to bear as well. But I think I'd rather be 100% urinary incontinent that the 15 to 20 percent bowel incontinence I'm experiencing now. At the very least clean up isn't nearly as disgusting. Thank you to all who respond. I'm just wondering if you think I'm making the right choice. I'm still going to try and find an alternative as I'd rather not spend the rest of my life in diapers, but I've accepted that possibility and just want move on and enjoy life. Lift is short enough, I don't want to spend it focusing on what is in reality a minor health issues or my underwear. So my underwear is plastic with an absorbant liner, big deal. I'll always have to plan ahead for contingencies and always carry a damn diaper bag with spare clothes and extra diapers. Most galling of all I'll know what's in the bag is for me. My family knows about my issues and I'm still embarrassed to be around them. I haven't told them how I'm dealing with it (except my youngest brother and father ), but they are not stupid. I'm sure either by accident or guess work they'll figure out what I'm wearing, no matter how discreet the style. I've already had to change after an accident at my brothers house. That is why he knows. I put the used one in two ziplock bags and took it home for disposal as I didn't want it found in the trash by his wife or kids, who thankfully were not home at the time. I couldn't hide the odor from my brother so I explained as best I could. I'm lucky as he was very understanding and most important, he showed me no pity. I hate the thought of being around them when they figure it out. No matter how supportive and understanding they are, the thought "they know I'm wearing a diaper" will always be in the back of my head. Plus I have nine nieces and nephews, most under 10 years old. I dread one of them finding out and asking out loud "Why is uncle so and so wearing a diaper." It would be bad enough if that happened at a residence. I don't even want to think about that happening in a public setting. I'm still feeling conflicted and guilty about choosing this type of treatment, but I have no desire for surgery such as a colostomy bag and the prescribed drugs I've tried have been no more effective than regular Imodium. But until another treatment comes along that guarantees no more public accidents, this my choice since I've not been able to find a viable alternative. It's time to get on with my life, even if it means I'm in diapers. I'm wondering what you guys think. I know it's my decision, but I'm filled with self doubt and guilt about throwing in the towel. Plus, I'm open to other ideas if anyone can think of another way to deal with this without diapers. I've not been able to find much in the way of alternatives. I'm open to suggestions, but for now I doubt if I'll be wearing my tidy whiteys for a while. How long did it you take you guys to accept your condition. I'm part way there, but I've got along way to go. I'm uncomfortable being around my brother and father, because they know what I'm wearing. I start to get a little paranoid and I know there thinking "he's wearing a diaper." I don't know how I'm going handle being around the rest of the family when they eventually find out. I don't want to think about what it will be like when I have an accident around them. It was bad enough when it was just my brother. I dread the thought of having to excuse myself during a family get together and change. I don't care how understanding and supportive they are, I don't think I could handle it if my family knew I just crapped myself and had to go change my diaper. Again, I'll know what they would be thinking. I know I'm being paranoid, but I'm still dealing with this and have a lot of guilt and shame. I guess I still feel deep down that adults don't wear diapers and certainly don't use them. I know that's illogical, but emotions rarely are. Not to mention if my coworkers find out. They know I'm having bowel issues. You don't leave your work area and come back wearing different pants 30 minutes later without raising a few eyebrows. I'd just like to know what you all think. Sorry for such a long rambling post, I'm still trying to come to terms with this decision and all the ramifications. I find the thought of wearing diapers possibly for the rest of my life the easy part. It's everything else I mentioned and how I feel about accepting them and the my situation that is keeping me awake at night. Thanks for listening to me ramble and for any input.

Diapersagain,

In a way you are absolutely right, one would MUCH rather be 100% urinary incontinnent than 15 to 20 percent bowel incon.. I have nothing but sympathy for you.. to me, dealing with bowel incon would be a LOT tougher that urine.. if I suddenly became bowel incon, i literally would be afraid to leave my house.. i remember thinking when i was dealing with incon in college.. if i lost bowel control too, id drop out. Thankfully, i am still in full control of my bowels.. knock on wood.. I have on occasion had bowel accidnets in the diaper.. and they are NOT fun. Cleanup takes forever, and the stench is horrrible..

I don't think you are being lazy.. you are in control of your own body.. you do what you think is best for you. By all means, continue to see doctors and try to get treated.. but dont despair over wearing diapers. Bowel incontiennce is a lot harder to hide than urinary incontinence.. but if you have friends and family that support you, it can make all the difference. JDinVirginia is a regular poster on this board who recently only dealt with bowel incontience, but recently became urine incontiennt again as well. I'm sure he could give you pointers on managing effectivley.

Peace out, and PLEASE remember we are always here to help you!

Rob

_________________
"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Thanks for the support Mr. Geek. I still have an appointment with my gastrointestinal doctor next week. I get too swallow a miniature pill cam so he can take pictures of my small intestines and check my gastric bypass for problems. It's an expensive test and I wonder if he just wants the insurance money. I figure it can't hurt and it is far less invasive than some of the tests I've had. I'm going to try an pin him down when we follow up a few weeks later and see if I can get a definitive diagnosis. I'm still trying things on my own that have at least reduced my accidents. I've quit all caffeine, red meat and anything remotely greasy. I've been taking fiber supplements and doing kegal exercises regularly. It makes me feel better knowing I'm doing something even it it doesn't help much. So I'm not completely giving up. But this issue has been consuming so much of my time and energy for so long I'm ready to be done with it one way or the other. I'd really really really rather not face wearing diapers for the rest of my life, but I've lived with them long enough I know I can deal with it. I work in correctional institution in direct contact with convicted felons. If I can get used be diapered there, I figure I can adapt and wear them anywhere if I have to. I wish I'd known this was a possible complication of gastric bypass. I knew and accepted that it was a high risk surgery. But I never figured I'd end with bowel incontinence and never dreamed I'd end having to wear fucking diapers. That's another facet of this situation I'm dealing with. I did this to myself because I was too lazy to get off my fat ass and loose the weight the right way. I feel like this might some type of karma for my laziness. I figured I'd have complications from the surgery, but not something like this. My therapist is going to be earning her money with me for awhile. Good talking to you. I hope you can find a permanent solution soon. I'll be jealous and happy for you at the same time.

diapersagain, I'm so very sorry about what's been happening in your life, and I wish I had something to offer besides my sympathy. Diapers appear to be a viable tool for helping you live as normal a life as possible. I think it's imperative that you and your therapist have the rapport necessary for a successful journey and arrival at a place where you are not panicked that someone will know that you wear diapers. I can't imagine having to function in an environment where people actually watch you through the cracks of a restroom stall, but that's where your therapist comes into the picture - she needs to be up to the task and on board for helping you develop strategies to deal with the immaturity, cruelty, and just plain weirdness that exists in your workplace or other venues in your life.

On another note, I'm wondering why you are taking fiber supplements - is that a standard maintenance practice for people who have had gastric bypass surgery? I would think that fiber
would worsen diarrhea and bowel incontinence. Who prescribed the supplements?

Wetters

My doctor recommend I try psyllium fiber supplements to reduce the diarrhea. I'm willing to try anything at this point and figured it couldn't hurt. I'm giving it time to work and I'll see what happens. I'm sorry if I gave the impression that people looking through the cracks in the stall door is common. It only happened a couple times, but it makes an impression. Truth be told, the worst time was in a bar and I'm pretty sure alcohol played a roll. It was still infuriating though. Before you ask I was the DD since I don't drink. I don't want you to think I was carrying while intoxicated. I'm sorry if I focus on all the negatives stuff, but I am adapting to this condition. I've been living with diapers pretty much 24/7 nearly seven months. I will learn to live with them for as long as necessary. It bothers me that I've adapted to my situation to the point I'm not comfortable unless I'm wearing a diaper when I leave the house. I'm much more relaxed knowing I'm protected incase of an accident. Like I said in another post I'm to point of just accepting this and moving on. I've got several other personal issues I need to deal with that are actually much more important right now. I've been dealing with my incontinence for four years, maybe it's time. I know this isn't what I'm supposed to say, but I can accept the situation even if it means diapers for the long haul. My wife doesn't care if I have to wear diapers and has been very supportive. Whenever I get down, she makes me say something positive. I couldn't do this without her support. I'm sorry about all the pessimism, it's the cop still in me.

diapersagain,
My heart goes out to you. As a fellow GI incontinent, I understand how life can be challenging at times. As for coming out as a fecal incontinent, I understand how that can be difficult as well. My family have visited me during several hospitalizations for urinary incontinence, so they understand my need for diapers. They also understand my bi-lateral (both inner ears) Meniere's disease, and the disabilities that being bi-lateral cause, including collapsing for no reason apparent to by-standers. I take Nullo, (a clorophyllin/copper compound, available OTC) and wear heavy protection when I must function away from home. I have found physical therapy, both for Meniere's and for incontinence useful, although it is not a cure. It does, however, greatly reduce the incidence, which is welcome. One insight that has improved my outlook on life has come from Kimberly-Clark's latest ad campaign, which claims that 65 million folks in the USA are incontinent. Although I'm sure that is a self-serving exaggeration, I welcome it. With incontinence so loudly out of the closet, I face the future with a much happier demeanor. I work hard to manage my incontinence, and I refuse to allow it to manage me.