My urge incontinence is the result of an unexpected complication following surgery when I was 14 years old. For the first three or four years, I had to wear diapers 24/7. But I was a fanatic about doing Kegel exercises and got to the point where I could generally go without daytime protection by the time I went away to university. However, my condition worsened as I got older; and I went back to wearing a diaper 24/7 when I was in my forties.
The thing that convinced me that going back to wearing protection fulltime was the answer was a couple of really embarrassing public accidents. My occupation required me to speak in front of audiences on a regular basis. One of the worst accidents I ever had occurred while I was speaking to over 100 people. Fortunately, there was a large glass of water on the lectern. So when I realized what was happening, i spilled the water on myself as a cover-up. That experience upset me enough that I resolved to wear a diapers anytime I was speaking before an audience. Then I realized how much less anxious I was when I was wearing a diaper, and that lead to the decision to wear 24/7.
Jimo, you're certainly right that there is no really good way of handling urge incontinence and that not being able to control your bladder can be depressing (although in my case the anxiety about having a public accident was worse than the depression). I've tried six different drugs that are supposed to help but didn't, and another medical issue rules out Botox injections or an implanted neurostimulator for me. So I'll be in diapers for the rest of my life. Fortunately, I am comfortable with that fact.
I certainly wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Puffy