www.incontinentsupport.org

Hey all-

I use cloth diapers and usually diaper myself. After reading the Primer, I adopted the diapering method discussed there; works quite well. But, on occasion my wife will diaper me, and that technique doesn't work too well. Any other ideas on what to do in this situation?

thanks-

dave

Hi Dave,
Thank you for visiting our site, checking out the Primer and trying our diapering technique! I hope you can get some good ideas in response from our readers who have experience with someone else diapering them.

I am assuming the problem with your wife diapering you is a lack of snugness resulting in a tendency of your diapers to slide down as you walk.

I have no such experience, having diapered myself from the time I was a youngster. I can recall tightness or snugness being important when my mother diapered me. She used four pins so that's where the four pins came from. She did not interweave the wings as I suggest in the Primer, and I think there were never more than two diapers to pin. She relied on folded soakers in the center for extra absorbancy, something I don't care for and don't need with the variety of prefolds available from ADC and Anglefluff with various thicknesses for the middle third of the diaper.

So, while my mom did not interweave, she'd pin one side first, upper and lower pins and then have me roll onto my side-the side with the diaper pinned. Then she'd pull the diapers snug and pin the remaining side. I would guess this would help the snugness since if I am laying on my back, my weight is on all the diapering over my butt and there's no way my mom could pull the slack out the rear diapering, probably the situation your wife finds herself in. She can't pull the diapering tight or snug with you laying on it.

When you are self diapering, you can roll a bit from side to side and you can feel when you have pulled all the slack out of the diapering in back. As for interweaving, I find that very helpful with three or four layers and, yeah, most of the time I am wearing three to four light weight diapers to get the cotton weight I need for absorbancy. I find I can get a tighter initial (dry) pinning which starts the diaper off snug and as it gets wet, the wet cloth "marries" itself in the wings and that helps the wet, heavier diaper stay up, enhancing long term comfort. Before I interwove the wings, the dry diaper was fine, but the slide down as it got wet was a pain to deal with. And, this was before I "invented" diaper support briefs. But I will caution you that I don't think the support briefs will totally eliminate the need for snug diaper application

I hope you/we will hear from some folks now who do have direct (current) experience with a caregiver pinning on their cloth diapers. You know, however, that cloth diapers run a distant second to disposable so the majority of our readers are wearing and changing disposable diapers. Even that has gotten easier with the arrival of pull on diapers.

When we get some input, we will certainly incorporate it in the Primer! The Primer should not be considered "done". We want to continuously update it as we get input from our readers.

Hi Joe and everyone. I've been reading this site quite a bit lately and have been really grateful for all the fantastic content. I've never found another incontinence site with all this supporting material. Thank you very much.

My preferred cloth diaper happens to be a pull-up. The ones from llmedico.com and lovingcomfort.com seem to be my favorites, as you can get them with a terry soaker. I have found them to be absorbent, convenient, and very comfortable.

But on boards like this, people keep talking about the pin-on diapers as being the best, and I can't for the life of me imagine why anyone would prefer the hastle. I have one pin-on diaper (from Gabby's, the Night Timer) and think it's just too much trouble.

I'm curious to get anyone's thoughts as to why they think pin-on diapers might be better than a good pull-on.

-RMS

Hi RMS,

Here's my two cents worth: I go with wet wear so must deal with diapers getting heavier as they get wetter. A pull on that gets changed before it gets too heavy could be a good alternative to the hassle of pinning.

I have another consideration, urticaria...(hives) which is a painful skin eruption that can happen in my case from elastic tension at my waist, usually caused by the waist band of my plastic pants. I can get around that by pinning my diapers snugly to keep them up, but the cloth does not have the constant pressure of elastic. Then I "park" the elastic of the plastic pants on the cloth diaper to keep the elastic pressure off my skin. (and yes, that would allow a wicking leak but I take care to change while the top edge of the diaper around the waist is still dry!)

I do wear pull on diapers for short outings where I appeciate the trim fit and underwear feel while going for a chiro or doctor visit. But even after only a couple of hours, the elastic waist leaves the painful impression on my skin.

But in general, the ability to wear a pull on diaper relies on your tolerance for the elastic waist tension necessary to hold the diaper up, especially as it gets wet. I also choose not to change at work so I wear cloth diapering to last me 10 hours, which rules out pull ons even if I could tolerate the elastic waist tension.

You would think velcro (hook and loop) fastened diapers would be the best of both worlds and if anyone ever comes up with fool proof velcro that really holds securely, and stands up for the life of the diaper, now that would be a great alternative to pins.

Thank you very much for your kind comments about our site!

Thanks for the reply, Joe. You say that you wear pull-on diapers sometimes, but you don't say if they're disposable or cloth. Personally, I've never been able to find a disposable pull-on that works for me. There are two that comes close--the Tena Extra Absorbency and the Depend Refastenable Underwear--but they both have fatal flaws that keep me from trusting them.

I hadn't considered the fact that you could customize the fit of the pin-on better than the pull-on, but I have to say that the pull-on I got from lovingcomfort.com is a really snug fit. Again, I don't wear cloth very often, but I've never had a problem with sagging with those. Given that they're not custom, I guess it's just luck of the draw, but . . .

Anyone else care to weigh in?

-RMS

Hi RMS,
I was talking about cloth pull ons, but I've worn disposable pull ons for the same occasions. I tried disposable pull ons when they became all the rage which was just the last few years! Most are terrible, as you know.

The big names in "good" diapers (Molicare and Abena) both have decent pull ons. I wonder if you've tried them.

But there is one that stands above all of them IMO, and that would be the Medline Protection Plus Disposable Protective Underwear-Extended Wear / Overnight. Use our link to get to XP Medical to check them out. You will see two Medline pull on disposable underwear products; I am talking about the heavy protection version here! Not cheap but they are top of the line for fit, comfort and absorbancy. I'll bet you'd be totally satisfied and if you do try them, you must report back in this space, OK?

How funny you should mention the Medlines, Joe. Someone on another board recently recommended those to me and I did call XP just the other day. I asked Gary if these had padding that went further up in front than most, and if they could actually be used by a male. He said that that was one of the most common questions he got, and the answer depended mainly on where you position your penis.

Personally, I can't stand to have my penis pointing down, so he said that these would probably not work well for me. I'm still really curious to try the Medlines, given that you're the second authoritative person to tell me about them, but I think I'll get a sample pack first. If I do, I'll let everyone here know what I think of them.

Thanks again for the reply, Joe.

-RMS

Hi, RMS.
Well, thank you for that compliment about me being an authoritarian figure....very kind of you to regard me as such!

I did NOT consider penis position and those men who point UP do have a much more difficult time, especially with the pull ons where the padding stops way down low, compared with tape on diapers.

And I must repeat, I am not that sure the Medlines are waterproof above the padding. I "think" they are, which will help in your situation, but without padding going all the way up the front, you are being left out as a satisfied user of the pull on products.

It's not fair, I know! Still, I appreciate your willingness to try the Medlines and I'd sure like to know the results.

Hi Joe. Given that you're the moderator here and seem to have a good deal of experience with diapers, yes, I would consider you to be authoritative. But authoritarian? I don't think either of us wants that.

I'll keep you posted on the Medlines when I get some.

-RMS

Hello RMS and other friends,

Your posting about pull-ons (vs pin-on cloth diapers) leaves open at least one alternative for those considering use of cloth.

Diane Seguin as well as Kins, both Canadian suppliers, make excellent pull-ons with velcro closures that really work. The first supplier, Diane Seguin, custom-sews the diapers at a price that is only marginally higher than any other supplier (and may even be on a par given the Can $ value). She sews a terry pad into a heavyweight flannel, with a waistline and leg openings that hold but do not bind. They will last 4-5 hours average - longer if you use an additional liner.

The centre terry lining extends all the way to the waistline, so that regardless of whether the penis points up or down, or both ways if it is shorter, the absorption is guaranteed.

I find these excellent for daytime use, and the initial expense for three or four pair would quickly be equalled by a case of disposable pull-ups.

Admittedly, they need to be supplemented by another style for night wear. Like our correspondent Joe K, I choose a couple layers of pin-on cloth for longer overnight protection.

But the comfort and convenience of the velcro "conturs," as they are sometimes called is high and worth serious consideration.

The suppliers' addresses are available on this website at the end of the primer.