www.incontinentsupport.org

The other day my husband and I talked about my medication and the fact that I have to start back on the antidepressants. I had hoped it would work without them after I found the right dosage of lamictal, (for bipolar) My husband said that I just had to accept that this was another medication that i would have to continue with for the rest of my life.

That sentence really got me down. Not just because I hate having go back to taking antidepressants, (they do have some really unwelcommed sideeffects), but because there are so many things that I just have to accept coping with for the rest of my life.

I know there are a lot of people with a lot worse problems than I have, but somehow that does not comfort me to much when flachbacks and anxiety atacks hit, the stess of it causes an astma atack and really bad blader controll. Or when migrains have me isolate myself in a dark and quiet room for most of the day, or my back desides this is just the day it does not want to cooperate. Nor does it help when I count out the weeks many medications and know that most of them causes a lot of side effects.

On top of it all, I have been seeing my Dr. about the incontinents, and after some tests he told me that I might have to prepare to accept that this problem might not be something that could be fixed. In other words, I would have to live with using protection (diapers) for, yeah you got it, for the rest of my life...
This inco problem is still to much! After more than a year since the leaks that started as drops every now and then and has increased to small floods way to often, I still havent found any way to accept it. However, I have found a pattern that makes it easier to get the right protection and feel safe without having to go around feeling like the Michelin man.

However, I do try to look on the bright side. I can continue doing most of the sports I like. I have a few realy nice hobbies, one that also my husband realy enjoyes. I have two wonderfull teenage boys and a husband that loves me for who I am.

It's just that some days, I meet the wall, and it's just as painfull every time.

_________________
You don`t appreciate the light if you have not been in total darkness.
Please excuse my bad english, I'm doing my best.

Ani, your English is great. No reason to apologize. I understand very well your feeling depressed about having so many things that you have to accept will be with you forever. I'm currently taking a long list of drugs for the various conditions I've acquired over the years, like high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, heart arrhythmia, ... Seems like every year I add a new permanent drug to my list. For so many here, incontinence is another of those things that are permanent conditions. If there was a pill that I could take that prevented accidents and didn't make me feel like I was licking a metal pole in the dead of winter, I'd take it. But none of the various drugs work on me. My incon isn't 24/7/365. It comes and goes. Sounds like you have similar experiences. Seems no matter how bad things are, there are people that have it worse. So keeping a positive attitude is important. When the Dr says you have to live with something, you can get depressed and what will it get you? Nothing good. So you might as well accept the cards that you have been dealt and move on with life as best as you can. Having good friends and family really helps, whether they know any of the details or not.

Dan

I think we can all identity with you on this one, Ani. As we go along in life we see so many people fit and healthy into their eighties whilst we are struggling along with so many different problems. All in all, it hardly seems fair.

Many years ago I was dealing with the same thing as you - just diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and stuck in an unpleasant, uncomfortable wheelchair, incontinent and various other exciting neurological thins too and a 6 month old son! (my daughter was 3 at the time!) It takes time to work through things but for me, what sorted things out really, was seeing the solutions I had to the problems. My wheelchair and adapted car let me go where I wanted - taking the children with me if my wife wanted peace. Continence was sorted so I could actually manage better than ordinary people as I had twice the capacity!

Really, if you have solutions to the problems that work, like diapers for example, then you could really say that you can look past the problems and get on with life. I bet with the diapers you have double the capacity of normal people too so you can smile when they have to dash off to the toilet! This doesn't come overnight but, really, things get better when you start to look at them as merely new ways of doing things rather than things to complain about.

It is very easy to get depressed. But don't fret. It gets easier with time.

Ani, "the rest of your life" is something many of us on this forum have had to face. It isn't easy and I personally struggle with it even after 13 years of having little to no bladder control. It does get better but I still have those days from time to time where the realization of "the rest of my life" gets to me. I was injured in an accident which could have easily been a fatal accident so I try to look at the rest of my life as something I could very well have missed out on. I accept it but that doesn't mean I have to like it. It sounds as if you have tremendous support from your family which is a good thing. I have wonderful support from my future wife. I also get advice and support from the members of this forum. It is a great place to ask questions and sometimes to just let it go. The community here understands because they've been there. I wish for you the very best. Never give up hope because miracles happen every day.

Ani,
I understand what you're saying. I have Bipolar Disorder as well. I have never had Lamictal, but I have had Depakote and Lithium. I have tried over 20 different psychiatric medications. Currently, I take Lithium and Saphris. And yes, I realize this is something I must take for the rest of my life. However, some peoples bipolar stabilizes as they age and when they are around 50-60, if they have been stable for many years, can come off their medication. I hope this is the case with me, if not, I'm ok. Because the Lithium makes me feel good. I have done better on this med than I have with any other. And like I said, I've been on alot of meds.

Eventually I'm going to have to quit taking the Lithium. After many years of Lithium therapy, it effects your kidneys and they begin to shut down. I am monitored with blood work labs every 4 months to check kidney function. The Lithium has already effected my Thyroid. It slowed it down causing me to have fatigue and weight gain. This was found in my TSH labs when I went to the hospital. I take a medication that keeps my thyroid working properly.

I also have some other side effects of my medications. My meds cause a rare side effect that make me leak. I leak urine from OAB and urge incontinence. I also have chronic diarrhea from the Lithium. Because of the diarrhea, I have occasional fecal incontinence. I wear Abena diapers 24/7. I also have asthma, bad anxiety, and nocturnal hypoxemia.

When it comes to thinking about the rest of my life, I like to think of the things that make me happy. I think about my kids, and my wife, and how good my life is despite my disabilities. I have been in deep dark depressions before. I know what thats like. So now, I try to appreciate how good I have it. If I ever need someone to talk to, I commonly talk to my psychiatrist and psychologist regarding my health conditions. They help me move past my health problems and live a full, happy and overall, healthy life.