www.incontinentsupport.org

I have little to no control over my bladder function. I just don't get the urge due to a neurogenic bladder but I can sometimes finish the job in the toilet if one is close by. I also have a habit of trying to urinate in the toilet every hour or so. I have to stand there for several minutes to try and get a flow going. Sometimes I have success but most times I am able to get a few spurts out if any. My fiance' asked me why I just don't let it go and give up on using the bathroom. I think she is tired of my frequent, lengthy visits to the bathroom. This past week we were watching a movie that should have taken less than 2 hours to watch but with my long "pee breaks" it took us over 2-1/2 hours to watch. She got tired of pausing the movie I guess. She thinks that I should give up trying to hang onto any control that I may still have and let it all go in my diaper. I told her that I'm just trying to hang onto a little dignity by at least trying to use the toilet. She told me that we would work on me just letting go but I'm really struggling with the idea.

I am diapered 24/7. I have learned to stay in bed, roll over and go back to sleep should I wake up during the night. I used to get up and do a diaper change but this would pretty much totally wake me up and make it difficult if not impossible for me to get back to sleep. This made for a tired, less-productive next day. Now I wear heavy enough diapers at night where I don't need to worry about over-flowing or leaking and can stay in bed until my alarm goes off the next morning. There have been instances during the day when I may have been able to use a toilet but opted to let it go. Usually this happens when I am with clients or at a social function but if I am home I will try to use the toilet if I catch myself. At work I try peeing in the toilet whenever I have the opportunity. I may only squeeze a few ounces out during the course of the workday but it is usually enough that I can make it through the day without having to change my diaper. I'm sure that if I stopped using a toilet I'd require at least a couple more diaper changes every day than I do now.

What are your thoughts one just letting it go? Am I wrong to try and hang onto a little dignity?

Hey DDS,
I understand of the dignity you're trying to hold on to. I use to be the same way. I got tired of doing the "trip" all the time too. So I did just what you're thinking of doing. I gave up and just accepted if I have a diaper on, just use it. My wife agreed too. There are plenty of times I could have made it to the bathroom to finish up, but my diaper was still wet. I go through 3 changes a day and can go through the night in my cloth diaper. I'm incontinent any way you look at it so I'm going to keep using the diaper for what's it intended for. It's your decession though. ......Paul Martin

Hello DDS,
I can kind of realte to you on the night time side of things, you are/were where I was at not too long ago, fighting to get to the bathroom if I woke up in time, and middle of the night changes and cleanups, without much success of getting any sleep after I was done and going back to bed. I surrendered to all those games, and just wear enough protection to cover anything that may occur, and be done with it. A much better nights rest has been the result, I wake up wet most mornings anyhow, so really, what is the point of disturbing a restful sleep I really need? Daytime I am not close to that yet, I have much better control if near a bathroom, so work is not too much of a problem. Going out is another story, I do rely on the protection more, and do use it so I don't have to be always on the lookout for a bathroom, I got tired of the bathroom hunting game really fast. It is your decision to make for sure, and I understand the dignity thing as well. I don't have the flow problems you mentioned, that makes it much worse having to wait it out. Don't get stressed over trying to figure out what you should do, it sounds like you have great support beside you no matter what... Puffy

Paul,

I really hadn't given any thought to how much time I spend standing over the toilet just to dribble out an ounce or two until my fiance' pointed it out to me. In my mind this has become a normal part of my world for over 13 years now. I never gave it a thought. Yes I can sometimes make it to the toilet to finish the job but as you say my diaper is already wet. I've learned to live with a wet bottom but there is a big difference between a damp diaper and a soaked diaper which requires changing. I may spend a good deal of time standing over the toilet but I believe I'd spend an equal amount of time for the extra diaper changes. Maybe not. A normal day is a diaper in the morning for work, a change when I get home from work and then again before bed. That is 3 diapers a day on a good day. Of course there are always not so good days where I require and additional diaper or two with one being a change at work. I switched to cloth this past year for when I am at work as I was having some issues with the disposable tapes staying put. I still use disposables for travel and for when I need a change when at work but for the most part I use cloth. I know that I can go considerably longer between changes using cloth diapers compared to disposable diapers because of the wicking you get with cloth. Disposables don't wick well and once the crotch is saturated urine tends to pool and cause embarrassing leaks.

In any case I'm going to try to just let it go at least when I'm with my fiance'. It might be better than staring at the toilet bowl for 10 minutes. Besides my fiance' says I miss the bowl too much

Interesting topic. I've wondered about this a great deal. I'm in a little bit different situation in that my control comes and goes, sometimes I can go for weeks without a diaper, but eventually I'm back in a diaper. As long as I can still have control and not lose too much dignity, I'm going to keep trying. But the one issue that I am struggling with is #2s. I seem to have #2 urgency and when I'm wearing "traditional" underwear, I can make the trot to the bathroom when I'm home. But when I'm wearing a diaper, especially a wet one, getting the diaper off in time is very hard. Twice this week, I didn't make it and it is depressing. If I'm not home, I'm in real trouble. Luckily, I don't need to go to work (not my choice), so I don't deal too often where I'm caught short without a diaper on. On those occasions, that gets real embarrassing. I don't have much feeling down there for either #1 or #2. When I do manage to get out of diapers, it is where I can feel some slight pressure on a sphincter muscle. I have no clue about bladder fullness and I'm totally depending on this small hold on dignity, but dignity is mostly in your own mind. How do others deal with this? I'm unsure how to deal with #2s. Tearing off diapers in emergencies is messier than just letting go, even though the mess is very different. I don't want to get more graphic, but I'm sure you can get the picture. I guess at some point, I'll give up on trying to maintain any control too, but does that mean I become totally incontinent? At my age, they put people in homes for less. At least I can still change my own diapers. I worry about a day when I lose that dignity.

is dignity over rated or is comfort over rated or do they both go hand in hand? I really don't have any issue with the dignity factor? Maybe because I'm only bladder incontinent Nobody has to know I'm diapered no body has to know I'm flooding my diaper. Yes that me standing there talking to you and my bladder is letting go so what. unless it was to run down my leg which almost never happens. if it does I have black jeans/pants on most of the time anyway :wink

Really not having to stress out finding a restroom and then not making it anyway makes life much easier. Be comfortable with yourself Be comfortable with your protection and your dress. When you learn like I did to just let go and let nature take it's course. Life is so much easier

Hey how much dignity is there when your a young lady in your 20's your in a mall standing behind a trash can wearing a belted undergarment and a skirt legs spread apart flooding an already wet pad and leaving a puddle on the floor and the restroom you were trying to get to was only about 100 feet away

Hey call me lazy. I went for years trying to make due with to little protection always concerned about my dignity. Stressing my husband out due to his concerns for my well being. He was the one that taught me to just "let go"

The poor guy use to get so stressed out helping me get to a restroom when out shopping. That it was him one day while in a store said to me "Honey" just use your diaper that's why your wearing it

So just be comfortable Hey no one has to know your diapered if you dress proper. And most wouldn't care anyway. Really other then the fetish crowd who's really is going to look for a sign your butt is diapered

My two cents and some change......................Sandy

Amen, Sandy. Aaaaamen!!!


Paul Martin

Thanks to everyone for your replies. Maybe I'm overdoing the dignity thing? I'm a proud man and sometimes pride can get in the way of making sound decisions. I've heard say that women base their decisions on emotion and men on logic. Aren't pride & dignity emotions of a sort? Most men I know let pride influence their decisions, sometimes foolish pride. This kind of lets the air out of men basing their decisions on logic. Yes I am most definately incontinent and yes I wear diapers to manage my lack of bladder control. I'm just finding it difficult to give in. I often have no choice but to let it go and I'm fine with that. I really can't control starting, stopping or timing. If I go stand over the toilet for 10 minutes I might be able to release a small amount of urine. If I do this hourly I can make it through the work day (most days) without needing a diaper change. I normally will feel that I am unvoluntarily releasing urine when it passes with the exception of when I'm sleeping. I never seem to release much at a time but over the course of an 8 hour period my diaper is fairly saturated.

GO PACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I took a serious blow to my dignity when I had to tell my spine doctor, a very attractive lady, that I was losing bladder and bowel control. I thought I took another blow when my PT tech was another attractive lady. I tossed all hope of dignity out the window when I going out my urologist and the urology nurse were both ladies.

It turns out they don't think anything less of me just because I where a diaper. I carry myself respectfully and I dress to conceal the medical issues that I can. I can't do much about my cane or glasses and I don't think much about those. Sure I was self-conscious about those at first, just like I was with having to wear a diaper at first.

Now that I have gotten over the myth that other people think about others more than themselves I have been much happier. A diaper is just an alternative type of underwhere that has a medical purpose.


Dignity is what you perceive how others think of you. Image is how you want them to view you. Neither one will define what you are. Your actions do that.

If you're already wet then what do you have to mentally lose? Just wear a diaper that will better handle the situation and get on with life.

Doug

_________________
When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

wearing a diaper and plastic pants is just like wearing glasses. I have a medical problem and do what I need to do in order to keep on keeping on. I also used to wear contacts for the same reason!
If someone I meet doesn't like it that's THEIR problem, not mine!!

Deen