For years I have had weak muscels in the pelvick bottom. First of all due to sexual abuse as a child and then made worse by a wery difficult childbirth. I have always been one of those that have to go to the bathroom often, and roadtrips have always been a long strech of stops. I have worked a lot keeping up the musceltone/strengt, but about a year ago it just didnt help any more. It started as a dribble when lifting, sneesing etc, and worsend rapidly to smal flods. In the beginning I tried really hard to hold back, crossing my legs even, if unseen, using my hand to hold on and keep from wetting myself. After a while I just gave it up, I dont emty my blader completly, but It's enough to make a wet mess.
I started with the smal incontinenspads, but it did leak into my pants every now and then. For a while I keep away from all the public activities were there was a chance of leakage. After some months of this, I had a good talk with my husband, and I started wearing the largest pads or disposable pull-up-dipers. I normaly don't wet myself at night, but I do wake up and have to hurry to the bathroom. Most of the time I can get all the way there, but sometimes it just starts before I get there, and there is a clean up job to do. So I feel more safe using a diper nighttime. I still get up and make a run for it, but for those times I dont make it, changing a diper is much easier than cleaning floor and changing underware.
So far there no mysteri, straight forward, I guess a classic incontinens-development story. Of cause leaking urin and using dipers are no fun, I'm embarrased by wearing dipers, afraid of it smelling, afraid of anyone but my husband finding out, afraid that my husband will get tiered of having a wife in dipers etc.
The worst part is the fact that nothing in the world can make me go see a doctor to get help. I suffer from PSTS from years of sexual and mental abuse as a child and have in resent years developed bipolar disorder whith rapid fluctuations and hypomania. (not the worst kind, thankfully) And altough I normaly function well and not many of my friends have the any ideea of my problems, I have my days whem I stay behind closed doors and try to keep the demons outside.
So, all the questions, examinations, different people, tests and tryouts are terrifing to just think about. I know that beeing pushed into having surgry would drive me over the edge.
I'm also worrid about the fact that angciety atacks cause me to wet myself much more (less controll and not nessecerely feeling that i have to go before I'm doing it)
There are times when I know I could have kept dry, if I really put my mind and body in to it, but that would keep me from doing a lot of normal things, like working in the garden, cleaning house, unloding the car etc, not to mention horsebackriding and snowboarding.
A confusing fact is also that mine and my husband's sexlife have been a lot better after I started to wear dipers. I do not get aroused by the dipers itself, neither does my husband. My husband thinks it can be that I feel more secure in all aspects while wearing a diper.
Sorry for this long and probably confusing post. It's just strange beeing 40 and discusing theese issues. I always thougt this severe incontinens only happend to reallymold and demented people or people with spinal injuries. 
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and read to may sucess-stories of housewifes exercicing away a small dribble. 
It all just made me sad and feeling even more strange.
Puffy