www.incontinentsupport.org

Hello, this is my first post. I'm a male in my mid-30's and I have been struggling with some bladder and bowel issues the past few years. I'm wondering if anything in my experience resonates with other members or if they might be able to offer some advice my situation. Mainly I am wondering if I need incontinence protection and if so, what type.

#1: I think I have some degree of bladder urge and excessive frequency. I can only for sure hold my bladder for about 45 - 60 mins before I get an urge to go which is sometimes very strong and hard to ignore. That said, there are times when I get make it as much as 5 hours. I rarely have an accident but that's likely because I make so many "just in case" visits before a long stretch without a bathroom. I definitely also do some bathroom mapping before leaving the house. I like to go for long walks but sometimes I spend the second part of the walk trying to find a bathroom (I live in Europe where most stores don't have bathrooms). Also, in the last year or so I have noticed the suddenness of the urge getting worse, for example, when coming home and unlocking the door etc. I have also started to have some small dribble leaks when sitting/sneezing etc. I've tried bladder retraining and been able to work my way to 2.5-3 hours between visits, but I tend to slip back to my regular habits of going more like every 60-90 mins often "just in case" before an appointment or event. I've not talked to a doctor about my #1 problems.

#2: I also struggle with some degree of bowel urgency. Sometimes, with just a few minutes notice (after eating breakfast, for example), I really need to get to a bathroom fast. I struggle with IBS symptoms (from battling SIBO and intestinal parasites). I've worked with a doctor and things are getting better, but my bowels can be pretty temperamental especially if I've had some unusual food the day before. I usually need to go to the bathroom for #2 at least three times per day, but sometimes as many as 7-8 times. These bathroom visits are often "just in case" and discover that what I thought was going to be a bowel movement was just gas. It is sometimes very difficult to tell the difference and I often hold in gas for fearing of passing some small amount of solid material into my underwear. Aside from a few cases due to food poisoning, I have very rarely had an accident properly speaking where stool leaked out.

Surprisingly, both my #1 and #2 issues calm down when I am wearing a diaper even though I don't typically end up needing to resort to it to absorb anything. I need to make less frequent bathroom trips for both. I feel like I can stretch a pretty normal amount of time between visits. I don't know, but maybe there is something about knowing that I have a back-up plan that takes away the stress and pressure of the urgency.

A third problem is that sometimes I have trouble falling asleep without a disposable brief on. About once per week, I'll feel quite restless until I put a disposable brief on and then, I'll calm down and relax and sleep well. Even though I almost never have incontinence issues while sleeping, I think there is sometimes some kind of sub-conscious sense that I should wearing something just in case.

Over the last several years I have occasionally worn a diaper (both pull-up style and tab style) on certain days when my bowel was acting up or when attending an event lasting several hours or travelling etc. However, I have started to consider switching to 24/7 at least with at least lighter pull-up style briefs. The main appeal for me is not needing to decide all the time between underwear or the diaper. Every time I have some kind of flare up or circumstances that necessitates wearing a diaper, I go through a little internal drama. I think, "Do I really need this?" or "Here we go again." It somehow feels like a failure even if I recognize there is reason for it. I wonder if getting used to 24/7 (or at least most days) might be away to get through all this and avoid the constant back and forth. Maybe getting used to constant wearing will help me accept how things are.

In the past, I have never gone 24/7 for more than a few days typically because I started to find it uncomfortable. This is especially true when sitting down. I've never been able to completely avoid the bunching up of padding in the back that then puts uncomfortable pressure on "everything down there" and making it sore. I have gotten better at taking care of my skin too, but I can't say I have a perfect system there so sometimes I need to stop because my skins is so irritated.

I am wondering if this resonates with anyone? Does it sound like 24/7 wearing might be the way to go for me or overkill? Any tips on how to avoid discomfort associated with continued wearing?

Aside from minor differences, my situation is similar. I wear washables 24/7 both because I genuinely need them, and because of the reassurance they provide. After all the embarrassment and humiliation of needing to wear diapers, at bottom they are necessary medical aids, akin to glasses, hearing aids, braces and crutches. I need them to get through life, to enjoy an uninterrupted night's sleep, and to stay out of the hospital. With you I also have war stories of bowel and bladder accidents, near misses, and the humiliation of having family members stare at me, asking if I need assistance. If bowel control becomes difficult, you might consider an internal deodorant, such as Nullo or Devrom, if available. Perhaps a physician might recommend pelvic floor physical therapy, which is useful but embarrassing. Good luck and keep us informed.

You didn't mention your diet. Over time, I discovered that what you drink has a large bearing on what you can "hold". For example, I was horrified at the prospect of going for an ultrasound at one point, where I was expected to drink lots of water and "hold it". I was very surprised that I was actually able to get through the appointment. But drink other things like juices/coffee/tea, and I could not hold it.
I don't know if this applies to you, but I learned from experience, that my IBS-d (diarrhea) was directly related to coffee (black). It is like my body has said that I've had my lifetime quota of coffee consumption. It has been difficult and disheartening, but quitting coffee has made my IBS-d considerably more manageable, though I still have issues.