www.incontinentsupport.org

My fiancee has a female co-worker who was assaulted in the restroom at a nightclub about two weeks back. Thankfully she managed to escape from her attacker with only minor bumps and bruises, but the resulting psychological trauma and PTSD has made it all but impossible for her to use any restroom save hers at home. Things have been... difficult... for her, to say the least. She is seeing a therapist twice a week and her employer has been very accomodating so far but honestly this can't go on forever.

We drug her out for dinner and a movie over the weekend to try and cheer her up. Dinner went fine, but she wet her panties under her skirt while we were waitng for the show to start at the theatre because she couldn't work up the nerve to go into the toilets and was too embarassed to ask us to drive her home. She didn't know about my incontinence so she was quite surprised when I offered her a diaper out of my changing bag to replace her soiled undies. My fiancee finally convinced her to try it out so we could stay and watch the movie.

I haven't spoken to her since then... but we are going to her place for a bite to eat after work tomorrow night. I'm going to bring a spare pack of Attends with us and offer them to her. I know that's not exactly what these things are designed for, but if this is what it takes to get her to venture back out into public for more than an hour or two then so be it.

Do any of you have suggestions? Anything we can say or do to help her out more?

Thanks!

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~~PuddleGuy

This is an interesting situation here PG. This is what one would call "functional incontinnence." I'm minoring in social work, so we have come across PTSD my classes. It is very real. How did she react to wearing a diaper? Was she embarassed? Not to split hairs here, but you used the term Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That diagnosis is typically given when the symptoms go on for more than a month. Perhaps the therapist meant acute stress disorder. But that's beside the point.

Since i'm only a social work student with limited classes and no hands on training as of yet, i don't know anything concrete that would help. But i do know this: Her unwillingness to use a bathroom is not something she can get over easily. It would trigger flashbacks of her attack. I'm not sure if she could even use it if someone were with her, because its not the fact that someone is with her that makes her feel unsafe or safe; it's the enviorment she's in.

Offering her protection was kind; and it probably would be prudent for her to use it; however, special care must be taken to ensure that she would not become dependent on them.

I don't know what else to say, other than she needs support.. and undestanding.

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Puddle Guy,
What I don't understand is if your fiancee knew of her trauma, did she not offer to go to the restroom with her? I guess her co-worker didn't let you guys know she needed to visit the ladies room?
In the future, maybe have her go with her to the restroom to help build up her courage/confidence. .........Paul Martin

A valid question Paul. My fiancee would have gladly gone to the restroom with her... most women tend to go to the potty in packs anyways, but I digress... however she didn't let us know that she was in need of a toilet until she was already doing it in her clothes, too late for us to do anything about.

Geek: I believe she was more embarassed about wetting herself in line than she was about wearing the diaper after. We didn't really talk about it after the movie was over... I think overall she was just glad to be out of the house and with friends for a little while. My fiancee and I do plan to carefully broach the subject with her at dinner later this week. We figure her first step to recovery is going to be actually getting out in public situations on a regular basis again... and we'll do what we can to help. If that means getting her diapers so she can go out without risking an embarassing accident then so be it.

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~~PuddleGuy

This one sounds different? Well first off I agree with Paul it does seem like a good idea if she had someone with her in the restroom. If Diapers are the answer at least give her the cloth like so they don't make noise. Whipping out a diaper like that would be a surprising way to be introduced to it I'd say tread lightly and be very Gentle with her let your wife do the talking. She sounds very fragile be careful so you don't cause her to become more isolated/scared .................................Sandy

If you have never experienced trauma related anxiety it can be a very difficult thing to deal with. I suffered panic attacks after my accident everytime I'd get too-close to a semi on the highway. The first few weeks were the worst and things eventually got better. I can only imagine how scared this woman feels and the anxiety she must have. My heart goes out to her.

Question - where did she change into a diaper? The restroom? Papa

That's a good point papa..ain't very many places to do it that are socially acceptable other than a bathroom...

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"We cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love" Mother Teresa

"THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS!" - Captain Picard from Chain of Command, Part II

Papa... she managed to change in the back seat of the car. Luckily the windows are dark tinted. Changing in some place besides the restroom may prove to be an issue all of its own... but at least it will keep her pants dry.

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~~PuddleGuy

Well... not that I like to double post, but I figured I'd update things.

We went over to my fiancee's coworker's (we'll call her Alice for simplicity's sake) house for dinner last night. Things went alright... she was able to open up to us some about her feelings and problems since the attack. From what she said, even the thought of going into a public restroom absolutely terrifies her right now... even if a friend goes in with her. Alice knows that the odds of being attacked again are one in a million, but she just gets so scared that she physically can't step through the door... and as the need grows she panics more and more because she doesn't want to have an accident either. She admitted to running out to the parking lot and peeing behind her car when she is at work because it is the only place she feels safe at.

When I brought up the subject of diapers Alice said that she was interested, and that wearing one the other night at the movies wasn't nearly as bad as she tought... certainly less embarassing than having an accident again. We ended up talking about my incontinence and how I had dealt with the associated issues for about an hour... and she said that having some around might not be such a bad idea. So I left her a pack of Attends and told her that she should discuss the option with her therapist at their next meeting. We'll see how things progress when I talk to her next.

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~~PuddleGuy