www.incontinentsupport.org

I am not a trained psychologist. However, without the training I still must navigate life as an incontinent.

How do you disclose your condition to friends and family without coming across as a hypochondriac? How do you decide how much detail to include when discussing your incontinence with them? We all need to pack our go bags, which can excite the curiosity of others, especially children. How do you respond in an age appropriate way? Friends, colleagues, bosses, co-workers, and neighbors all may be curious, or may need to know for some other reason. How do you decide what to tell them, given the stigma of incontinence?

Thanks. I look forward to your responses.

I told a close friend of mine (we went to school together). That was fairly easy because we both have different health issues as we co-miserate about getting old. I usually describe it along the lines as "became incontinent because of diabetes nerve damage". With him, I shared more details because he had questions. Others have never asked questions. I shared with my grown up children along the same lines. They may have forgotten by now -- with the exception of one daughter, it's never talked about.

I have not shared it with my in-laws. My wife seems to be of the opinion that they don't need to know, though she hasn't actually said that. Anyway, she has kept the secret. But I find the secret to be a burden.

With grandchildren, I see no reason for them to know. I think it best that they don't. But if they were to find out, depending upon age, I would simply explain that "things got broken and ...".

I have told only a few close friends, and of course my wife, that I have an enlarged prostate which causes me to have urgency incontinence. I never tell anyone more than they need to know.

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RetiredRN

Besides my wife and doctors/therapists, only a handful of people know. I told my mother and sisters about my incontinence. My nieces and nephews probably don't know, but I told my sisters not to hide anything from them if they ask. I haven't told any of my friends about it. The people I work with might think something is up, as I take my backpack with me into the bathroom at the same time every day. I've known most of my workmates for more than 10 years and we share a lot, but I decided to keep this one to myself (sometimes I wish I hadn't). Everyone who knows me knows about my back injury and it wouldn't be hard to connect the dots, but I manage to keep things out of public view.

Hi All

Wish I could have had the choice who I told but unfortunately as a teenager this was taken out of my hands. I was lucky though that most people understood the situation behind my incontinence this helped a bit.

Yes they were understanding but this only went so far as non of them were walking in my shoes though and negotiating the new life and world I found myself in!

People forget that the internet is only a recent invention back then the stigma around incontinence was worse than today with places like this opening the door for people to grasp a bit of knowledge and shine a light into the world we are all in.

Greenbank

I tell only those who must know (wife or medical practitioners), those who probably will find out anyway (mostly close family), or to prevent awkward situations (very few close friends and other family).

It is better to inform those who may speculate and discuss indications that you may be incontinent/wearing diapers, etc. We can do a great job of being discreet, but there always will be something we forgot or cannot control.

I try to provide only a minimal explanation, such as I have trauma from an accident that left me incontinent. I have no control over it and I have to wear diapers. It is not a big deal.

--John
(double incontinent)

Other than my wife, I've told a couple relatives and a couple close friends about my UIC issues. Only my wife knows of my FIC problems. I'm sure my older daughter knows as she has done laundry at our house and has seen/folded my cloth diapers. She hasn't brought it up to me, but I'd guess she asked my wife (her mom) about it. And if she knows, then our other daughter knows. All who I have told have been supportive. Both my sister and my cousin have ostomies, so with them it was (sorta) common ground, I guess.

Other than that, I only tell people who need to know - medical practitioners, etc. I have to confess, there is a part of me who wants to be "out" so to speak so I don't have to worry about trying to hide it or wondering who else knows. I can certainly empathize with the OP in wanting to tell select people to head off any awkward situations that may occur.

I remember way back when this first started and I was buying a pack of Depends at the local drug store. A guy I know got in line behind me and saw what i was buying. He didn't say anything, but I was mortified and had to come up with some stupid excuse about a sick relative or something on the fly! I'm way beyond being able to handle my issues with anything that I could buy at a drug store, but if I did, I'd like to think I could handle the situation better now.

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"When you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."

So I think this topic is only my business for now - and it's not something I'm peddling. Of course there are areas of life where this can become an issue - and if it does, then I have no problems talking about it when someone asks me about it. I don't bring up the subject on my own.

I also don't get the idea to explain more than someone wants to know. My experience is that normally no one wants to talk about it in detail - unless they have the problem themselves. When questions come then it is often more about the why - about the related health problems.