www.incontinentsupport.org

Has anyone say to themselves "screw it", and give in to the fact that they need to wear diapers. I have days and nights when I stay dry, sometimes several in a row. Then, out of the blue I will have a bunch of wet days and nights. It's getting more and more troubling trying to guess when I might have dry days and nights. The unpredictability of incontinence can raise my anxiety.

In the beginning of my IC I tried to predict when I needed more/less day "protection". Since the summer, I have given up that idea and upped my pull-up protection to guard against worst case accidents. There has been a number of times where this has saved face. But most days, I do throw away dry pull-ups.

I then tried cloth for night time. That worked ok and except for the bulk it was comfortable. I could live with this because only I ever saw it (wife knows its under the PJs). Most nights I could use the facilities when needed and make it to morning dry. Under ideal conditions this meant I only had to wash when I had an accident, or weekly. That worked for a little while. But partly because I perspire a lot overnight due to my lack of heat regulation caused by nerve damage (diabetes), I started to find black specs of mould on the front of the diaper. Then later on more mould (mildew?) on the inside front of the diaper. That was the last straw. Yes, I can use vinegar and bleach etc. but the frequent washing requirement killed it for me.

So now I have given up and just wear disposable briefs at night. I find this embarrassing. Since I am discarding the brief (TENA Classic) in the morning anyway, I now use it around 3 am to help me make it to morning without getting out of bed. I'm paying for this privilege after all. After my samples and Classics run out, I'll probably step up to the TENA Ultra for more absorbency. Like you, I am giving up and using a diaper.

I'm still trying to figure out if this is the way forward for me or not. By using the diaper at night, I am probably going to become more dependent on it. I'm trying to avoid using premium diapers overnight to save $$$. I fear that it may also influence my daytime continence because I've also had weeks where I could easily have had more day accidents if I didn't run to the bathroom. This indeed is very frustrating.

While I don't want to give in to the diaper during the day yet, I fear that day is coming. I wouldn't blame anyone who did. The unpredictability of it is vexing.

I would use the word acceptance instead of giving in or giving up. It just became abundantly clear that taking a chance was not worth the risk of embarrassment or accident . I gave in; I mean excepted the need of whatever level of protection was necessary. That means double cloth and boosters at night and cloth during the day with booster if I go out, and emergency change bag ( disposables ) in the jeep. I feel a lot less fearful, and a lot more comfortable with my decision. The washing and changing are just part of the routine now. Make peace with yourself and carry on with life. If things improve great. Hope that helps a little.

Paul Henry

I had no choice however the protection allows me to have as close to normal life so that is it yes the changes are a pain but I accepted this as part of the package!

All the best you are not alone.

Greenbank

Paul Henry is so correct about "acceptance." Along with acceptance we learn to cope by planning effectively to manage our incontinence. This helps us to deal with the unpredictability of accidents and will markedly reduce stress.

--John
(double incontinent)

We all need less stress. Acceptance is a little harder I think when the need isn't 100%. But it is true that the need is 100% when it comes to prevention because of the unpredictable nature. Despite that, we prefer beating ourselves up over it.

If this need for IC protection were like wearing glasses, this wouldn't even get mention. Whenever I get to thinking I have accepted it, something will bring about feelings of guilt/shame and remind me that there is more acceptance needed. It may take years. Perhaps IC acceptance is exponential in nature in that we get mostly there but there is always a sliver more to go.

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement. I just get really frustrated with the state of my health since I retired over 15 years ago. Since that time I have had 3 shoulder surgeries, prostatectomy for prostate cancer, heart failure, and back surgery. I used to run up to 10 miles a day for over 30 years, lifted weights, and generally kind of a health nut. To see that all change can overwhelm me at times. I should not be complaining others have more serious issues. The challenges of being a "geezer". Again, thanks for listening/reading.
Dennis

I actually "gave in" relatively early. I knew things were getting worse and it was just an ever-shorter matter of time before I risked seriously embarrassing myself in public, not to mention the truly ridiculous number of times I was having to go to the bathroom each day. The anxiety it was causing me was ridiculous and much worse than the anxiety of wearing proper protection.

Interestingly, earlier this year, after over a year-and-a-half of wearing diapers full-time, I found myself regaining increased levels of control. By mid-year I was able to transition to using male guards during the day most of the time. I suspect that it has to do with the progression of my arthritis in my sacroiliac (SI) joint and subtle changes in nerve compression there. It seems likely that I'll be experiencing an ebb and flow (hah!) of urinary control at least until my SI joint fuses.

At the same time my incontinence improved, I started having to use a cane more and more when I'm out of the house. It was the same process of doubt and anxiety and then just "giving in" and doing it. I still feel self-conscious much of the time about it but it has allowed me to do things I couldn't do without it.

All of this is to repeat what others are saying in that it's okay to "give in" to something that may improve your life. If you feel you need it, you probably do!

This is the frustrating question I ask myself all the time. For the past week, I just said nope not fighting it. I don't make it in time 90% of the time anyway so.

I suffer from both bladder and bowel issues. I had botox into my puborectalis muscle to stop the spasms I was having back in August. Now they are back worse than they were and it affects everything. I was spending all day focusing on holding it and trying to recognize when I had to go only to fail at it the majority of the time. I would catch myself, run to the bathroom to finish what was already an accident.

Now I am just living with it.

Last week was bad and made me accept it because I had a bad accident while out of the house with just a pul-up and pul pants on. Thank God for the Pul pants because that would have been very bad. Nothing like trying to dry them with paper towels in the restroom of Best Buy.

The other thing that I am accepting is the idea of carrying my main bag around with me that has a full change of clothing in it. Most times I just have my small bag with just a fresh diaper and bags in it. Now I know that I have to carry more and not just rely on having my big bag in my car.

_________________
Life is like a camera
Focus of what is important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
Take another shot!

Re ThatFLGuy's comment, I would like to remind everyone of an adage I think is very appropriate, "It's better to bulge than to leak."

By that, I mean that it is better to wear what you really need to, perhaps a more absorbent diaper, possibly with a booster, and plastic pants, than to leak. Nothing is more conspicuous (or embarrassing) than a significant leak in a public place .

In contrast, no one really will notice that you are wearing a thicker diaper. Once I changed to trousers a size larger and with a relaxed fit, no one could tell that I was wearing a diaper. I asked not only my wife, but also a couple of very close friends who know that I am incontinent. They said that they could not tell.

Part of acceptance may be deciding to wear the diapers you really need rather than the thinner option you would prefer. Moving up from a pullup to a taped diaper was difficult for me emotionally.

--John
(double incontinent)