www.incontinentsupport.org

In all of this journey of life that we walk along together, IF there is one magical key to happiness it is this : Helping Others.

When we reach out to, and assist others, it helps us no end. I live with these five words : TO FEEL GOOD DO GOOD.

Now to incontinence.

Over the decades ( yes decades ) a fair number of friends and close associates have confided in me that they were having issues with incontinence. They were beginning to stay at home because of this issue. They were no longer flying, thus they were no longer seeing family and loved ones because of this issue. I could go on and on about how incontinence and having to deal with it can alter one's life.

To date, I have been absolutely and totally 100% unable to assist even one of the many (men and women) who have engaged me in their issues with incontinence.

I openly and I freely discuss MY own issues and MY own solutions. I stress the word MY because I do not discuss, nor do I judge their issues with it. I have shown more-than-a-few this website (along with others such as that of the National Association For Continence) stressing THEY ARE NOT ALONE.

I have even (on the spot) shown them that I myself have this issue by revealing my waterproof overpants and absorbent products.

Not one single solitary friend or associate has embraced or accepted this issue and taken one step to (in my opinion) to deal-with-it . Not a one. They have all been polite and listened but done nothing (well, for all I know, they may have embraced some of my suggestions and never told me) to more comfortably live-with-this-issue.

One (with serious fecal incontinence issues) said words to the effect "Arghh .. you have to clean yourself up." I replied to her (it was a lady friend of my wife and myself) .. "YOU also have to clean yourself (and all of your clothing) up and the mess gets on your car seat. By utilizing waterproof overpants and absorbent products you contain the mess." She would not listen. Get this, to get to a store she has to drive (each way) one hundred and sixty (160) miles in constant dread of a fecal mess happening.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make said horse drink the water can you?

Am I alone in striking out 100% of the time?

Hi Tewi,

I have had several people contact me by email who had read my online white papers on wearing diapers or on using preventive enemas to manage fecal incontinence. Two were from outside the U.S. I also have had several members on this, and other, boards contact me privately by PM.

I am pleased to report that I seem to have been able to provide useful advice to those people One person even called my help a "lifesaver" because of their difficulties in coping with fecal incontinence.

The difference here is that I made myself available to individuals who already acknowledged that they had a problem with incontinence. They then made the decision to contact me directly. I have not offered my advice to a general group of friends or co-workers.

Tewi, you are doing the important thing by offering your knowledge of a topic that is so stigmatized by society. Thank you for doing what you are doing. You are doing good just by making the effort to help. Please do not change. Please FEEL GOOD!

--John
(double incontinent)

Although I try to limit the direct advice I give to others, I hope that folks who read my correspondence here will see at least something useful for their own situations. Because there are tens of millions of us in the USA alone, I feel that the stigma's days are numbered, and I would like to contribute to that victory. Isolation can be debilitating; here we can break that isolation and support each other without endangering our local and family relationships.

Tewi:
No you are not at all alone, here's a short true story that I feel illustrates the point...
One of my best friends got prostate cancer but caught it early enough that radiation treatment was recommended. He had the radiation and irradiated gold pellet inserted and from what he and his doctors can tell eliminated the cancer. All well and good, but I noticed that he seemed to have to urgently run to the bathroom every hour or so, which much to my surprise did not seem to bother him much. When I noticed this I mentioned that he might want to try a "Depends" which, by the way, he knows I have to use. Well, you just can't imagine the horrified look on his face when I mentioned it. And that was as he was yet again running to get to the bathroom in time.

I've slowly started letting some more people know. They just don't know the extent of my issues. I'm starting to get to the point of who cares, this is my life now and I have to do some extra things to be productive in life.
I have had a coworker when we were talking about medical issues just blurted out about not making it to the bathroom or thinking he was done, but still wet himself. I could tell he was very stressed about it. So I shut the door and we had a long talk about the issue. He later thanked me for everything I told him about trying to manage it and that he was not alone at his age.

My UI has been slowly getting worse over the last 2 years and about 6 months ago I finally let some family members know about it, in addition to my wife, who of course, has known from the beginning. A couple of months ago I answered a phone call from an old friend who I hadn't heard from in a long time. Somehow the subject of UI came up and I was able to be completely open with him. It turns out he knew almost nothing about products that have way more capacity than "drug store" ones and he was too embarrassed to go into a drug store to buy even what they carry. His wife had to do his shopping. In fact he rarely left home as he was afraid of leaking. I was able to fill him in on on-line purchasing options and introduce him to some starting places for his needed level of protection.

The discussion helped him to get on with his life better rather than staying at home and my confidence about dealing with my UI went up as well. Helping others is always a good thing.