www.incontinentsupport.org

Hi! I have been lurking here for a while and finally started to join! I think this a great outlet for people living with incontinence.

I have been having incontinence issues for a few years, and finally went to the urologist. I have urge incontinence and suffer from bed wetting, and I didn't find the medication helpful. My incontinence has progressed quite a bit in the last year or so. I suppose when I was younger, I just "always had to go," eventually started bed wetting again, then minor accidents during the day, and now the time between urges and voiding is non-existent. It's basically like as soon as I get an urge, I am already voiding. I'm mildly concerned about the progression and returning, but I have felt the emotional toll of incontinence to be more straining then it's physical limitations. I'll give medication one more shot, but otherwise I would prefer to just manage it better. It would be nice to know what the cause is, and I personally think it's a combination of physical and psychological factors, which might finding an exact "answer" difficult. I'm OK with not having one, but I would like to feel more confident in how I manage it (practically, emotionally). I've been using briefs for bed wetting for a while, and once I started leaking through pads/pull-ups, I switched to briefs as well during the day.

I'm pretty young (mid 20s), and this has been really hard to deal with. I live with family, and they have no idea (to my knowledge) and I don't have an interest in telling them, as we don't get along well. This does increase stress, but moving out isn't an option right now. I hate feeling like a stranger in my own home, having to hide my laundry, my garbage, my mail, etc. and it doesn't help, but I also am not willing to deal with their negativity either. My friends do not know, and I have also refrained from providing this information to other doctors beyond the urologist. I am struggling with getting out of my house for fear of the briefs showing through clothing (I really need to up my pants size and invest in some fixing pants or more compression pants, but that's something I cannot afford). I also struggle with changing in public. I have been wearing during the day for a while but find it incredibly difficult to change standing up, and feel awkward about the amount of time that takes, and feel embarrassed throwing away used diapers in grocery bags. Honestly, couldn't care less about changing in a place like Wal-Mart, but smaller-scale situations drive my anxiety through the roof. Lately, I just haven't been doing much because I just feel too self conscious to leave the house, and I feel frustrated bailing on plans with friends. I still struggle with trying to not feel embarrassed when accidents happen despite being protected, because I've had my fair share of embarrassing leaks from lower quality briefs. I always just feel "caught off guard" while simultaneously hyper-aware of my surroundings.

I would like to manage multiple aspects of my life better, and this is a major one. I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago, and I would like to discuss it there, but I have a very hard time speaking about it. I don't know how to bring it up, as it's something I don't talk about with those around me. I know that I want to manage it better with changing my clothing and having a way to feel better about dealing with this in public, but I would also like help with my self esteem and coping better. I was wondering how I should bring this up with the counselor, because I would really like emotional support and better coping mechanisms (in addition to catharsis I suppose), but I have no idea how to start this conversation.

Thanks again for the forum, it has really been a useful site for me, and I am really glad I joined. I hope anyone reading has a good day.

pedro,

With this post, consider your coming out about your incontinence well underway. I regretted reading that your family situation is under stress. That must greatly hinder your management. Learning how to quickly wash and change while standing up gives you more freedom to work and move outside your usual haunts. Being able to confide in your friends, with assistance from your counselor, may give you valuable support; I hope we can help.

vote4pedro:
Welcome to ISC, I think you have just taken a critical "first step" in coming to terms with your incontinence issues. I'm pretty sure that many of us here have had to deal with some (or even all) of the issues you are facing, and due to that you will find an understanding, nonjudgemental atmosphere here at ISC.

IMO I think discussing this with your counselor would be a great idea as they are trained to be understanding. I doubt that you bringing up your incontinence concerns would even raise an eyebrow with him/her. A bit embarrassing in the beginning for you for sure, but the benefit of talking in person to to someone outside your family/friends will definitely be helpful, I know this from personal experience where I once purchased some diapers from a Craigslist ad. This women had recently lost an older handicapped child that needed to use diapers. But now she had several cases that were just in her way, hence the ad. I was a bit embarrassed to answer the ad but went ahead anyway. To make a long story short we began talking and I found myself talking about my incontinence issues as I hadn't with anyone before, even my wonderful understanding Wife. It was such a load off of me and at one point it brought me to tears, what a catharsis! Hey, I'm not exactly open about my incontinence and my need for diapers 24/7, but I have now told a few of my closest friends and found them to be very supportive. Hopefully you will have similar experience(s).

BTW...It is generally best if you have specific questions which will help us to give better answers but if you just need to get something off your chest and rant, we are here for that too. I'm sure I speak for many of us here in that we are looking forward to trying to advise you as best we can.

.

Everyone needs someone to confide in. That person or people should be supportive and non-judgmental. If that person or those people have first hand experience with your issues and can relate in a positive way, even better!
I agree that you need to trust someone enough to confide in and not hold back. A degreed and board certified counselor sounds like a great option, but he or she may not have the experience to relate to incontinence, but can offer emotional support to make you feel better with yourself, which everyone needs.
I believe that everyone here can help with the details and answers to any questions that you may have. Just ask!
We may not be able to help with the broader issues of making you feel better about yourself and navigating the personal issues though. Maybe a professional is the best option there.
We -are- and will be here for you!

I completely agree with Ellyn that everyone needs someone to confide in. All of my close friends know about my bladder issues, which is a huge relief knowing I don't have to hid or be ashamed around them. I have one really good friend that started losing control at the same time I did. She's one of the best people I can lean on. We're like broken bladder sisters! Don't be afraid to talk to people your close to. Chances are they won't care and will just want to support you. It's a hard talk to start, but I've never had one go bad.

Good for you on seeking a counselor. I'd be lost in life without my therapist.

I do wish I could find a local in person support group. That's the one thing missing from my life I feel like I could need. I live in a decent sized metro area, but there's nothing here.

Thanks everyone for the advice! Yeah, I'm actually wanting to have someone to confide in and utilize the support that is available, I just don't know how to start that conversation without feeling awkward or abrupt, if that makes sense?

Welcome Pedro. we´re glad you joined, to listen and help you in anything we can.

By the way, are you spanish speaking? I supposed by your nickname. If u do, I am also, so here you have someone to speak with in your native language. See you around, and regards.

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No, haha, vote4pedro is derived from a movie. I wish I did speak Spanish though, it's a beautiful language!

That´s why I thought so. In fact Pedro is our president´s name, sounds to us lika a "vote4donald" could seem to you, or kinda ha ha ha. Ok, doesn´t matter, we can speak english as well, don´t we? Welcome and regards!!

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