The last two days have been a bit a roller coaster with my incontinence. I met a colleague at a coffee shop today to map out a research article we are writing together. I’ve had a bumpy week in terms of accidents, so I brought my standard backpack with extra diapers, wipes, and disposable bags. I was actually going to tell my colleague (who is also a close friend) about my accidents so as to head off any concern when I took my backpack to the bathroom with me. However, although my diaper was wet, it never felt like I was in danger of a leak so I didn’t need to change and therefore didn’t tell her about my incontinence, at least for now.
The meeting went great, super productive, but things went down hill as I started to head home. When I got to my car, I started to feel a rumble in my stomach that signaled that I needed a bathroom (and fast). I’ve got dumping syndrome so I am usually very in tune with my bowel habits, however coffee on an empty stomach was apparently not a good idea for me. I made it all the way to a place where I could use the restroom, but as I walking to the toilet, I couldn’t hold it any longer and I felt that dreaded feeling of an involuntary bowel movement
Not wanting to ruin my clothes (they were my only set), I waited until I was sure the bowel movement was done (which felt like forever) and then started the arduous task of changing and cleaning up. Bowel accidents are relatively rare for me (maybe one or two every couple of months, more when my IBS flares up), but when they do happen, I remember how terrible they are. I’ve mostly gotten used to wearing a diaper for my urinary problems, but poop is different. Those that have regular bowel incontinence issues and maintain relatively active lives are seriously impressive. After I finally finished cleaning myself up, got into a new diaper, and was about to get back on the road, I flooded the new diaper
After confirming that the diaper did it’s job, I continued home. It served as a reminder to me that life with incontinence is unpredictable. Some days incontinence is manageable and some days it’s pretty overwhelming. An analogy for life in general I guess. Despite the rough day, I was thankful that I was wearing adequate protection. Not always a cake walk to have to wear diapers, but when you need them, it’s better to be wearing one than not. This community is a great place to come and remember that I’m not alone in this. It’s a shared struggle and I’m sure many of you have had similar (or perhaps worse) days. Hoping tomorrow is better. Fingers crossed. I hope you’re all having a good week. - Dallas