www.incontinentsupport.org

For the last two or three weeks for the most part I had been dry and hadn't had any issues with my bladder. Then the last two days I've been having bad urgency and had several leaks and one or two large accidents. Whenever I start to think this problem might have disappeared it always comes back. I hate that I'm 20 and sometimes need to wear diapers or other protection. I feel like no one else my age can understand whether this is true or not. I'm always worried friends will find out and not want to be around me because of this. Thanks for listening y'all I just felt like I needed to vent.

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-full time graduate student with urge urinary incontinence due to an overactive bladder

Believe me, even at your age, you are far from alone. And, if your friends reject you when they discover your incontinence, were they ever really, truly, your friends? Everybody has problems; dealing with them effectively is a mark of adulthood. I am glad you have been able to vent here, and hope that this has enabled you to manage better.

My incontinence issues derive from a surgical misadventure when I was 14 years old. I’m 75 now, but I certainly remember how incredibly depressing and embarrassing the problem was to deal with when I was your age. All I can advise is to hang in there and cope. I fervently hope that your medical team will be able to find a cure for your problem. However, even if you have to live with your current situation in the long term, you can manage; and it does tend to get easier to deal with as you get older. It’s also entirely possible to lead a normal and productive life even if you have to wear a diaper. I managed to do so, and so can you. The worst part of incontinence is the emotional turmoil that it causes. But in time you will be able to handle it better emotionally.

I can relate to this. I bet many of us can.

I've had a relative dry spell or two since my IC got to the point where I started wearing tape on diapers 24/7. Most recently, I had a spell for a few weeks where my nightly bedwetting dropped to a few nights a week and my near constant daytime urge accidents dropped to the point where I was able to switch back to Tena mens underwear for a bit. I had actually thought at the time that maybe somehow this problems of my was starting to resolve itself. But as quickly as this little dry spell came on, it went away and I returned to my normal state of what I would consider severe incontinence. Back in diapers or the foreseeable future.

Yeah admittedly I haven't talked to doctors too much about out of a mixture of pride and knowing the cause to be an OAB which I've been on meds for in the past and isn't a road I want to go down again nor is any type of surgery as long as my issues are infrequent like now I can deal with them when they surface it is just frustrating when I think they might be gone to have them flare up again.

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-full time graduate student with urge urinary incontinence due to an overactive bladder

Odds are at least some of your friends deal with some form of incontinence, or have at some point, in some form. I would go as far as to say that most people have at least one friend or family member who deals/dealt with incontinence! It is not something people advertise about themselves, but if you know all the conditions likely to cause incontinence, you start to see people everywhere who could have/had issues.
I know of at least six of my friends (outside of communities like this) who have dealt with incontinence issues. No one has ever said to me "hey I am incontinent", but when they tell you they have issues like crohn's or colitis, or born with something like spina bifida, or are in a wheel chair because of a spinal cord injury... well you can guess they have likely dealt with the issue.

I once had a coworker tell me that in the past, she had dealt with IBD bad enough she had to wear diapers. This was long before I developed health issues, but it never occurred to me that I should make fun of her, instead I felt sorry for her, not able to imagine what that must have been like. I felt empathy for the pain she expressed to me, as that is the typical response to finding out something like that.

That brings me to a point, while you can't control people, how you react to situations greatly influences how they feel, think and react. For instance, if a person sees your brief sticking out of your pants and asks "what is that", if you were to respond by saying "it is a diaper, I am incontinent", with a look of embarrassment on your face, they would likely feel immensely embarrassed for you, turn ten shades of red, and awkwardly walk away. But if you responded with something like "I struggle with ulcerative colitis" (or whatever condition you have) along with a appropriate facial expression, you are likely to get a totally different response. People will follow your que and respond accordingly.

Also, I think that understanding your diagnosis will make you more confident in dealing with those types of situations. The only real way to get that level of understanding is by talking to doctors about it. Talking to a doctor to gain a understanding of what is going on, does not mean you have to agree to any treatment they offer. You need a understanding of your underlying cause.

I know no one in my family deals with incontinence besides maybe my grandparents in their 90s who have issues with dementia. I do have one friend I know who has an overactive bladder but for him it seems to be the case of needing to use the toilet frequently which was what it consisted of for me for several years until recently I started having control issues.

Thank you for the words of support I really appreciate it

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-full time graduate student with urge urinary incontinence due to an overactive bladder