www.incontinentsupport.org

Please help me.

I have been incon for nearly a decade. Both men and women have expressed a desire to have sex with me. I have said no. I no longer want to say no. How do you tell a potential sexual partner that when you drop your pants that you will expose a diaper?

I have had a very active sex life. That ended when I became ill. No one talks about it. Please help. Thank you.

Tricky subject, Jason.

Many of us were in committed relationships when incontinence became a "thing".
I think the safest answer is that there needs to be some sort of dialogue up front before hopping in the sack with somebody. I like to be up front and honest about things and don't have any trouble being direct with people, though this may not always be the best approach. I think it's best to put the brakes on hasty sexual encounters and focus on getting to know your intended partner for a bit first, before the relationship gets physical. That's just my opinion, there may be many different perspectives out there on the subject.

Thank you for the feedback. From reading these posts I gathered that many folks weren't just in committed relationships. They were also long term. A few years is all I can manage. That's what works for me. And it also comes with a "test drive" before that happens. I might be willing to do a test drive soon but have concerns that incon will put the brakes on before I can put the pedal to the metal.

I can't really offer first hand knowledge as my incontinence started after I was married. But I'd say, and I hate to be so cliche, you need to just put yourself out there. You need to just decide you're going to be vulnerable and just let the experience happen. You may be pleasantly surprised or you may find that someone is a jerk. I don't think there's really any other way to go about it.

As for actually telling them, I'd verbally tell them before they're trying to pull your pants down. When things start to get physical I'd just stop and do the "hey there's something I need to tell you...." thing and just be honest. Something along the lines of "I have a medical condition that affects my ability control my bladder. I have such little control that the only way I can manage is to wear a diaper (or use a medical euphemism like absorbent brief)." and see how they react.

PB&J, Thanks for your great reply. I truly appreciate the highly-functional person that you are.

W.

This has been almost, not quite, a non-issue for me. My family watched me endure bladder Botox shots and several urological surgeries, so they and my wife know pretty much what to expect. However, if I have an incontinence related fetish, it is cleanliness. Soap and water, liberally and frequently applied, make intimacy possible.

Well, my guess is that you have to stop living the ballers lifestyle to achieve that or you will man up enough to put your pants down, put your diaper that you have urinated at aside while this beautiful women/guy is standing right before you and is ready to have sex with you. It is tricky indeed, basically you either have to find someone that you love and commit for a relationship or stop being afraid of rejection, because some random chick you just pulled from a club to your square laughed at you wearing a diaper. Getting into an relationship is easier, but it's your choice of what you want to do with your life and if do you want to do things that you like or are you just a coward that will let other's people opinion make him feel insecure and scared.

Cheers

We have come to the conclusion that our "protection" has left us smelling rather nasty and undesirable by the end of the day. And that is repulsive. We used to fawn over each other when we were first married long ago. So I'm thinking that once our house is free of visitors, we can spend a while in the evening soaking in our hot tub prior to feeling frisky. It gives us a chance to wind down our days, and reconnect on a more spiritual level. THEN we can indulge each other physically.

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- Tom