www.incontinentsupport.org

my incontinence started january 2015
to this day i go through periods of thinking im "normal" and dont need diapers.
these times could go from a day or two to a few weeks (with many embassing moments.)
im coming to an end of one of these runs. i have a case of abena L4 that im going back to as soon as i get home. why cant i get through my thick skull?
i feel like im giving in. like ive been defeated.

my health in general has been pretty bad. i have another procedure coming up.

am i the only one who is a complete moron at times regarding to their incontinence?

Hi Justej

I think its safe to say we all go through some form of denial at one time or another, dealing with incontinence and the need for diapers has its ups and downs on the good days we feel like we can cut back on the diapers but then our bladders remind us of why we have to wear them.

Accepting the need for diapers is not giving in as we really can not win against what we can not control, for the most part diapers are the best way to manage a bladder or bowel issue. I look at the dry days as a good thing when I have to change out of a dry unused diaper. I had the security of being protected just incase and the great feeling of not having to use the diaper and making it to the bathroom every time.

We all want to be out of diapers again but unfortunately that may never be the case but we keep hoping.

Many people feel that they are not normal if, as an adult, they wear a diaper. The only advice I can give is that wearing a diaper is normal if you need them. I have urgency incontinence and wear a diaper all the time. If I am at home I can sometimes make it to the bathroom, but not every time. That is my normal. So wearing a diaper is normal for me. I think of a diaper as just my regular underwear.

When you can make it to the bathroom, then do. However if you have a diaper on then you can feel relaxed even if you can not make it to a bathroom. Try to think of a diaper as normal. It will get easier over time to feel normal.

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RetiredRN

Hi EJ,

I've been having my frequency and urgency issues since a little before you, and yes, I can totally relate to the denial and thinking things will get better. My urologists told me so!

I've had periods where the symptoms decline and I can go for a few hours before the urge strikes. And if a bathroom isn't more than a few minutes away, why wear? I did learn my lesson about being in public for more than a short while and not near a known restroom, and have almost always protected myself in those situations since that horribly embarrassing incident. It's been this way while taking various OAB medications and especially since I stopped the meds last December, and things have seemed pretty stable. At least I had a routine that worked for me.

In the past few weeks, symptoms have increased with a vengeance. At times the urges/spasms come seemingly non-stop. I finally broke down and started wearing 24/7 about 2 weeks ago, after several nights of little sleep getting up to pee 4-5 times each night. And nighttime used to be a period I could count on things settling down a little bit.

For the first time since I had my first accident about 3 years ago, thoughts of "Oh god, this is permanent isn't it?" have been rattling through my head. I feel like it should be just a matter of mind over body. But it isn't. I can't control a very personal part of my body I used to. It is very unsettling. And I hate it.

I've hit 4 of the 5 stages of grief several times over in the past couple of years. Hell, even in the past couple of months. Is the feeling of defeat what we all have to go through to get to acceptance? I wish I knew. But I do know that in the morning I'll dispose of my wet diaper, take a shower, put on another diaper, and head off to my flight home. Because the alternatives are even worse.

The feelings of being weird, alone, and incompetent that incontinence forces on us should be acknowledged; however, they need to be put in perspective. I have read that there may be as many as 60,000,000 of us in the USA alone. We are a huge market, and not all of us are helpless Altzheimer's patients in nursing homes. We are active, productive members of society. Acknowledging our embarrassment, nevertheless the need for diapers is no worse than the need for eye glasses, hearing aids, canes, crutches, and Ace bandages. But attitudes are changing; we need to be in the vanguard of that change. I look forward to the day when there is no more need for incontinence support groups than the need for support groups for eye glasses wearers.

I applaud your positive attitude/approach for the need to wear diapers. I don't go out of my way to advertise my needs, but becoming more at ease if people find out. I share and hope for your optimism that incontinence is just another medical condition that requires some kind of management. Thanks for your reply to this thread, Patrick. It makes me feel a little better...for now anyway.

Dennis

justj,

I do not think that you are in denial. Rather, I think that you are an optimist. There are worse things in this world than being an optimist.

--John