www.incontinentsupport.org

Does diaper dependency get easier over the years? I've been functionally bowel incontinent since having a minimal bowel resection of my descending colon from diverticulitis 20 plus years ago. I remember my first few BM's upon returning home to heal. Everything was "normal" for my condition for several days. Then I started to run a fever and was passing pure blood. I called the surgical group and the old guy, not wanting to meet me at the ER the night before Thanksgiving, told me it sounded like a bladder infection and called in a prescription. I suffered through an uncomfortable few days until I could get in to see one of the partners. Another day in the hospital for a day of testing. He had a worried look on his face but I was too ill to make a connection. The next week I went in to meet with my primary. He was livid. I forgot what he called it but said it was a very serious condition that I should have been hospitalised. By then I was feeling much better, the bleeding stopped, the fever went away but I had been having severe urgency and multiple uncontrolled BM's. My primary said this was a rare symptom that presented post-op in few cases and would clear up on it's own. I was married to an RN at the time and she promptly had me in diapers. My stool was very loose which was quite distressing (and uncomfortable). After much complaining to my primary I was told to use a bulk producing fiber supplement to "firm things up". This did work quite well but I started experiencing increased frequency and volume. This has been going on for a few decades. Regardless of the continued difficulties, I've adjusted to my situation and excepted diapers as my preferred management tool. I had good bladder control in the beginning but over the years it's become very poor.So back to my original question - does diaper dependency get easier over the years? At first it was mostly for convenience. But over time it has become authentic dependency. And I will admit that has become easier. What started out as a convenience has now become a dependency I've come to except. Am I wrong or just being pragmatic?

Jack,

Wearing diapers does become easier with time as we come to accept our medical situation, become more adept at managing our incontinence, and become more accustomed (you might say "hardened") to coping with the realities of incontinence.

You mention being "pragmatic." There is nothing wrong with that. Being "pragmatic" is essential to coping effectively with incontinence. It is "doing what must be done."

Regarding "diaper dependency," it is unlikely that you are truly physically "diaper dependent." Rather, over the years you probably have accepted your need for diapers, adapted to that situation, and now feel more comfortable when you need to use them for their intended purpose.

To keep what control you have left, and possibly regain some control, you might consider performing Kegel exercises and practicing timed voiding every day (if possible) for a limited period of time. This is my current practice. It does not turn back the clock on aging, but it helps.

You are not alone in this as I am double incontinent and wear diapers 24/7, cloth at night.

--John

Although I second everything JD wrote, above, let me add some thoughts. You might consider a cycle of pelvic floor physical therapy. It is embarrassing, but it can be useful. If you have physical difficulties which hinder washing and changing, you might consider the services of an occupational therapist. I guess I too am diaper dependent; however, for me, it is simply coming to terms with my medical situation and dealing with it effectively.

I developed bladder-control problems as the result of a surgical misadventure when I was 14 years. I'm 75 now. So I've been dealing with the problem for a while. My first three years in high school, I was in cloth diapers and plastic pants 24/7. However, my urologist recommended what are now called Kegel exercises, and I was a fanatic about doing them at least eight times a day. As a result, by my last year in high school, I got to the point where I could go without a daytime diaper provided I could get to a bathroom when necessary within 5 to 10 minutes. That situation (a diaper at night and a daytime diaper only if I was somewhere where a bathroom was not close by) persisted into my early 40's. At that time, my daytime incontinence worsened to the point that I had to go back to wearing 24/7.

I am telling you this background because my experience enables me to assure you that diaper dependence does indeed get easier to deal with as time goes by. A major part of the improvement is truly accepting the idea that diapers fall into the same category of assistive devices as eyeglasses, hearing aids, canes, and wheelchairs. In addition, modern diaper technology has improved to the point that high-end disposable diapers work so reliably that a person can to lead a relatively hassle-free life without worrying about visibly wet pants or damp bed sheets.

I think INCONINMISS has offered a very good summary in his post above. I'm 25+ years into this with bladder incontinence and using daily / nightly protection.

Yes, I'm well accustomed and adjusted to the 'protection racket', you might say.

Some well expressed thoughts here and I'd have little to add.

"Protection racket" -- I love it!

--John

I'm afraid I might be coming more diaper dependant. My control before my prostatectomy was unpredictable, and now 3 months after the surgery, my incontinence is about the same. In addition, I am now also taking a couple of high blood pressure medications that I understand could also cause bladder issues. There are days when I feel I don't need to wear a diaper, but afraid not to. Is that a form of dependency? I almost wish my problems would be worse than they are. Then, at least, I wouldn't have to think about it. Does any of this make any sense?

dp66,

I would call that emotional reliance, not "dependency." I am much the same way, but as I am double incontinent, I am forced by my fecal incontinence to wear a diaper, regardless of my bladder incontinence.

Most of us are in the same situation, but apply different labels to it.

I have fully accepted my incontinence and need to wear diapers. Due to nerve damage, I have some periods when I have voluntary control but other periods when I lose it. I can be doing fine when I suddenly realize that I am peeing my diaper. Certain "triggers" can set me off unless I am consciously thinking to try to control it. I can control my incontinence for limited periods, such as when I practice timed voiding. However, I am grateful for my diapers.

I like to say "be thankful for your diaper." Without disposable diapers it would be much worse. As recently as the early 1970's (I'm not certain about the exact date) an incontinent adult would have been limited to cloth diapers. Think of having to manage cloth diapers in the workplace.

--John

In the era of the 1970s, and before, adult incontinence was regarded as a sufficient reason for incarcerating otherwise healthy, intellectually functioning adults in nursing homes. Times have changed, indeed.

Interesting topic, but I'm a bit surprised that there are such differing opinions as to what "diaper dependency" means.
In my case I have significant after urination leakage, some urge incontinence, and even (fortunately) very infrequent nocturnal enuresis. Sure I could go without diapers and take my chances of soaking something if I'm not right near a bathroom but I depend on my diapers to keep me, and my surroundings, dry 24/7. In my opinion I'm diaper dependent even though I'm not (technically) totally bladder incontinent.