www.incontinentsupport.org

Hello everyone,

Over the past few weeks discussions have been going on and it has become more and more obvious we need to have a more structured guideline for what is appropriate for the direction our forum wants to go. Above all else, I want people to feel safe and comfortable. Comfortable enough to be able to openly talk about their incontinence in a way that they feel like they are not alone with this. Also to feel safe from any fears that someone will take advantage of them or be made to feel like they are broken or flawed somehow.
Where our problem lies is we have a very diverse group of members and what one person thinks or feels is offensive may not be offensive with another. What I am hoping to do here is set some very basic guidelines that everyone can agree with and get behind in order to keep the focus and direction of our forum in line with it's ultimate vision, to be a safe place, free from those in the fetish world and a place where those that truly suffer (and those who have loved ones) from all levels of incontinence. A place to ask questions, give answers and advice and a community where you no longer feel alone.

A few of the ideas I have is to outline user names that are not questionable and may suggestive. For example a name like diapered mommy, baby Johnny or I like to poop. Now it has been suggested that there is little need for user name and we should just use our given names but what I see as the issue there and I'm sure everyone can agree is when we first began having to deal with incontinence, we were all very embarrassed and scared. The use of a random screen name would allow people time to interact on the forums and feel comfortable in their own time to let their guard down. Now this is not to say f you want to sign all you post with your given name, by all means, do. I'm sure it will help our newer members get to a place quicker where they feel safe and part of he group.
Another is how to deal with the subject of abdl. What my thoughts are to limit it as much as possible. Now don't get me wrong, the fact it is out there can be a huge reason people come here. It may be a major stress source and people will need to be able to talk about how it effect them but there should not be any promotions of that lifestyle here. If someone wants to engage in that sort of stuff, there are hundreds of other places on the web to go for that. That being said, this will not exclude a person from going but they need to keep that to themselves. This is a medical incontinence forum.
Another thought is to reiterate this is not a dating site. If you are looking for someone to date or have a relationship with outside the forums, again, there are other sites for that.

What are some other suggestions you guys and gals can think of to help keep this one of the best "incontinence support" forums on the web?

Rope

Rope,

Well said. I remember when I first found this site after having to admit I had to wear stuff. Back than I was too embarrassed to even say the word diaper. Thanks to this forum I quickly learned I was not alone. I do remember when I first joined, there was someone posting pictures of items and I almost ran until I saw the individual was banned. Heck, I didn't even know what the term ADBL meant until I had to start researching about my condition. As my wife would say I am very shelter. Anyways to get back to point, anything promoting of that behavior should not be mentioned here it should be used for people to discuss their medical condition and how to deal with it an anonymous manner. There are other places to do the other if that is what a person is into.

If a person chooses to go public with it like Rob has done than great, but it is just to personal for some of us to do that. That is why I support having screen names. I believe it was you saying by using my real name it would narrow down the prospects of who I am. That is how I felt back than and now that I have had to deal with this for so long, I'm at the stage I just don't care anymore. It is not my fault I had a stroke and I have incontinence, headaches and other issues. I have realized that I should count my lucky stars I still have use of my extremities and can talk.

As I go back and reread this I feel I am all over the place. I guess I am trying to say I agree about keeping the other stuff out of here. If that is something a person likes to do than don't bring it here so people don't run like I almost did back than.

Bruce

Thanks Bruce,

Good to know that we have helped people and they value a forum and what it hopes to do. This is and always has been my goal.
Also a shout out the Schoppy for makin thins forum. Without​ him, none of us would be here.

I can't tell you how many abdl websites I came across before I found this one. Which was a life saver. If you are into that stuff, whatever floats your boat. But this is not the place for that.

- elijah

Okay, so I thought that I would chime in on this. The first time that i wet the bed was in the summer of 1999. After a bad bicycle accident. That following fall I got my own room due to the issue. That Christmas I got my first personal computer. The internet was still diel up. The only website I could find that explained and help at the time was WetBuster. Five years after I joined that site, the owners shut it down due to so many AB/DL's joining and effecting the site. Wetbuster was a site for kids and their parents. My mom is who got me on it in the first place. The thing is that there are not a lot of sites like this that truly allow those of use that deal with this issue because we have to to get help from others. I wish that in 2004 when Wetbuster shut down that I had a place like this were honest decisions can happen. Like other I ended up on other sites. For me It was the need for better diapers that lead me to them because there was no were else to turn. I wish only great thing for this site and hope that people will continue to have a discussion about real incontinence issues.

_________________
Life is like a camera
Focus of what is important
Capture the good times
Develop from the negatives
Take another shot!

This is so true. While I was in high school I discovered that my problem was something people fantasized about and to be honest I thought it was so sick....... Maybe because I had been struck down with depression because of it and it made my school life hell .....I hated the internet and the only person I could talk to was my doctor and my therapist. I was constantly moving from one brand to another because we couldn't really find one which was good enough for the wettings and the server bowel accidents and I was in a really bad place at the time emotionally. It wasn't until last year that I started to open up online with my issues and honestly people have been so helpful and I've been able to finally get good product performances from people and what shortcomings there are, also do many tips and information which aren't diaper related.

It felt good to not feel alone with this issue especially since I personally haven't met or know anyone with bowel problems like mine so this community is something that I really do appreciate.

So I also feel that I prefer not feeling like this is also another abdl site or turning into one. Where else is there to discuss genuine medical issues regarding incontinence?

Thank you Rope for your efforts to keep this group as we intend it- to be supportive of our needs living in a continent world.

When I first began to have IC issues years ago, I reached out as Alta Vista knew the internet. It showed me interesting sites where people could go because they wanted to wear diapers. All I wanted was to stop peeing at random moments. They gave me lots of great advice about the joy of wearing diapers, but I just wasn;t ready for that yet. I tried everything else- pullups, pads, guards, on and on. So I left these people alone and kept talking to my doctor, urologist, second uro, second doctor... Their reply's were all the same- new drugs. They all had awful side effects. Then I had surgery to blast out some polyps in my bladder. Truly painful month in my life. Then more drugs, still the same side effects- nervous, shakes, dry mouth, and no cure. I still wet, just not as often but I was more miserable.

I finally found this site and the primer. What an eye opener. Through the intervening years, I have come to terms with my issues. I don't suffer, it "just is" has become my attitude. Now I just lurk here and support others for the most part. IC is not my identity, in fact most people have no idea. Even my kids don't know and they are almost grown now.

About names- I chose one based on my identity- as a parent of young kids. It was pretty unique (to me) that I was putting my kids through diapers as I was in need of them myself. If I said much of anything about my profession people could quickly connect the dots and guess my identity. I never thought about it from the ABDL point of view. If anyone is offended by it, I will change it. Like I said, being IC is not my identity.

_________________
- Tom

When I first became incontinent, I was in a huge amount of pain; I was just being introduced to the complex medical situation with which I must deal daily now, and I faced significant employment discrimination. It was the most stressful time in my life so far. In my frustration, I flailed about, using whatever resources I found, including the deplorable disposable diapers then available for adults. By sheer chance I happened upon an AB/DL couple who patiently led me through the steps I would need to take in order to live as an incontinent. When they discovered that I was medically incontinent and not likely to enjoy their lifestyle, they broke off our postal relationship. Although I never met them in person, I do owe them much. They taught me much of what I would need to know in order to function in public.

This is a tough one. I understand that the topic can be very emotional for some of us here.

First off, to clarify, I am neither AB nor DL. Although I am not AB/DL and do not want ISC to appear to be promoting AB/DL, we should welcome those medical incontinents who have an AB/DL orientation. All incontinents should be welcome.

Anyone who is incontinent should be, and feel, welcome here. Through research for my book I have learned that AB/DL can be an emotional coping mechanism for some who are medically incontinent. We do not have to agree with it, just understand and tolerate it. I would treat those who are both medically incontinent and AB/DL gently.

When I first conducted Google searches about incontinence and diapers I encountered AB/DL sites. At that time I did not know that ISC even existed. As some of those AB/DL sites had sections for medical incontinence, I learned quite a bit there about the basics of diapers and wearing diapers (and just ignored the rest) before I later found ISC.

I am not offended by those who are both incontinent and AB/DL, although I feel that AB/DL content should be strictly “off topic” for ISC (unless directly and justifiably related to a discussion of medical incontinence).

That being said, I want to keep ISC as a purely medical incontinence support forum. At registration I would firmly note the above and post a clear statement that those with AB/DL “handles” will be required to select a more neutral and general screen name for use on ISC.

Re the question of screen names versus real names, I would not require real names. Full and free discussion of our incontinence and our means of coping with it would be inhibited if we had no privacy. A requirement for real names would suppress discussion and could discourage future members. Remember my use of enemas to control my bowel incontinence? I certainly would not want my co-workers or neighbors to read about that. As a community, we have many very specific and TMI discussions that would just sound “weird” to those who are not also incontinent.

I would think that most prospective members for ISC would not want to automatically be “outed” as incontinent to any neighbor who performed a Google search for their name. For the younger members who are still in the job market I would note that most prospective employers check Internet activity before extending a hiring offer and participation in an incontinence forum might cost someone a job.

Off my soap box and sorry if I said too much.

--John

Thank you to all that have chimed in with thoughts and suggestions. It seems to be a general consensus that the screen names topic leans to neutral names(thanks JD, great way to discrib it). When someone signs up, we see the name they picked so what will be the best thing is to shoot than an email asking them to change it and maybe make a suggestion or two. As for the abdl topics, again it seems to be the consensus that we want to keep that stuff out of this forum. That being said, I also understand that some out there turn to the abdl world as a way to cope with being incontinent and I have no problem with that. Where it becomes a problem is where it keeps coming up in that users postings. Best example of this were some of the post B Brian had made. He was quite open to that fact and it kept being an issue. It started with his original name(Baby Brian), which he changed when it was becoming a problem, and then to his signature where again he referenced the fetish and it finally came to a head when he tried to defend and justify it. We were very tolerant and patient but he chose to continue to push the envelope.
If someone is abdl, it would be best if they just keep that part to themselves but most importantly, actually be incontinent to some degree. Above all else, this is a forum for medically incontinent people. We want to and will strive to keep it that way.