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tried to prove to myself i was fine.
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Author:  justej [ Tue May 10, 2016 4:45 pm ]
Post subject:  tried to prove to myself i was fine.

i told myself this morning that i was fine. i dont need diapers. ive been dealing with this for a year. and the last two weeks i have had absolutely no control. for awhile i pushed myself. and had many accidents. this morning i didnt even make it out the door. i guess i was going through another bout of denial. i quickly changed clothes and headed out the door. diapered. there is nothing doctors can do. medication doesnt work and surgery could permanantly damage me. plus. another surgery. nope.

i just needed to say this "out loud" to people who understand. sorry for all the posts lately. still trying to figure things out after a year.

Author:  kdlstar [ Tue May 10, 2016 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: tried to prove to myself i was fine.

Sorry to hear that. Yeah I understand your pains and frustrations a bit.
Sometimes I really don't want to be in diapers and plastic pants. And I may get away with it a while... And may have a few dribbles. But then it's like standing in line at Starbucks or panera I get that urge really quick and need to vacate immediately and sirens start going off.
At least if I am padded I don't have to be as concerned and can enjoy a frikin cup of coffee in the morning or such....

The urological tests, exams and procedures are just meaningless for me... Got nothing out of it other than this fear of tubes and urologists.... And a ton more pain in my peehole. And felt quite humiliated >.<
I have been having lot of anxiety and flashbacks to it which is weird and disturbing.

Author:  B Brian [ Tue May 10, 2016 5:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: tried to prove to myself i was fine.

Just know you are not alone.

Truth be told, I denied my needing diapers for over 10+ years. Of course I didn't have the kind of support we now have here either.

Author:  justej [ Tue May 10, 2016 9:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: tried to prove to myself i was fine.

thanks guys.
and kdlstar - i totally know what you mean.
i go to meditation classes and tonight in the middle boom. the floodgates opened.
so happy i was protected.

and that morning cup of coffee. man am i glad i can enjoy that without any worries. i used to work at starbucks so im a little (ok huge) coffee addict and my bladder hates me for it. i usually cut it off after i leave the house but sometimes i enjoy an afternoon cup.

Author:  WetDad [ Wed May 11, 2016 9:41 am ]
Post subject:  Re: tried to prove to myself i was fine.

I spent years in denial- how could my body betray me so? Now I just diaper up and get on with life.

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