www.incontinentsupport.org

I am 22 years old and my fiancé is 37, we have a baby together and have been together for two years. Anyhow, he wants me to get corrective surgery to fix the damage done to my body from childbirth but I would honestly rather wear diapers and pads for the next sixty years than go under the knife. Am I crazy or should he accept my decision I am seeing a urologist but it wont change my mind.

If your fiancée truly has your best interest in mind, a good meeting with a urologist might assist you with your decision.

I can't speak to the quality of these, being a guy who has never worn them. As afar as treatment options, I think it may be a good idea to go go see a urologist. It is definitely worth it to evaluate your options. There are other things besides surgery. Most of us have accepted diapers as the lesser of all evils but we've also explored multiple options without success.

The decision to have surgery should be yours and yours alone after fully discussing it with a urologist and a women's health professional. It's my understanding that one's own tissue can be used in place of mesh, which has had some horrific results. Given that you're quite young, surgery just might restore a quality of life that's more consistent with your age. However, if your fiance's thoughts and concerns are more about him than they are about you, and he's controlling and/or abusive, I would talk to the women's health professional about a strategy for safely exiting the relationship.

As to Depend brand products, I've worn Silhouette, but I now use the Always brand women's pull-up. It's a better product, IMHO.

W.

I have to agree with Wetter on this, its your body. There will not be anymore cutting on my body unless that's the only option left to live. Using mesh isn't the answer and will lead to more issues later. Tissue relocation has a better chance of being successful. Make sure you have a great doctor and get good sound advice. I would never tell my wife that, I would help her on what ever discussion she would make.

It can't hurt to see what options are available to you, surgery, exercises, meds, whatever. Plus, this will help show your husband you are at least listening to and respect him.

If none of those options are something you're comfortable with, then your husband needs to respect your wishes too- especially given it's your body, not his.

Have you had a complete medical workup with labs? Are you positive that your incontinence is the result of childbirth and that you don't have an underlying medical condition?

W.

First, this should be your decision to get surgery and yours alone. That said, you should consider your new family in your decisions going forward and he should do the same as well. Secondly, you should definitely consult a medical professional and make an informed decision. Without more information, that is the best advice anyone can give you.

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