www.incontinentsupport.org

I go in and out of denial about my incontinence. I dunno if that's normal or not....
I'll go for awhile without wearing protection and 98% of the time I regret it.
I gave in today.
I go to a Buddhist center and I'm just so ashamed about having to wear diapers.
But I'm tired of the constant running out during meditation or having wet pants/underwear and hoping no one notices.
Or being on the metro/bus and getting that "oh sh*it" feeling.
My constant fear is someone finding out.
I dunno where I'm going with this, I gues just to put it out there that I've been going through a major denial phase.
I go to the neurologist on the 3rd, another doctor....

I got up the nerve today to talk to someone at the center about it. I feel comfortable with her and she is a nurse.
When I explained everything (the recessed urethra, possible nerve damage from my fall, and the upcoming neurologist appointment) she had some helpful advice.
She asked what having a recessed urethra and possible nerve damage entailed and I just flat out said "I have no control of my urine"
She said "I'll tell you what I tell my patients. Its just liquid and ya just clean it up when ya need to"
She also said that there are way more people than I would think in my situation and even folks my age.
I'm a little less self conscious but still kinda embarrassed. As I'm sure you all know it's frightening not having control over your body.

So I feel a little better (and a little less in denial) but won't be skipping on the protection from now on.

justej,

I guess there's denial, and there's denial. When I'm confident of my protection, my stress is relieved, and nobody around me needs to know. Not even my family. I can get on with the business of living, so, in a way, denial hinders my ability to manage, and actually makes an accident more likely rather than less likely. I am what I am; I do what I need to do to manage, and I do it with minimum fuss and bother. Good luck.

justj,

You definitely are not in denial - you are just optimistic!

Although I normally wear diapers 24/7, each day I try timed voiding for a few hours to try to keep using the muscles and sensing I have left. Sometimes I become too "optimistic" and push the limits too far, with damp consequences.

It is good that you found someone understanding to talk to. That is very helpful.

All of us here have felt anxious, self-conscious, and concerned that others would find out. What you are feeling is very normal and you are in good company here.

Good luck with your upcoming appointment.

--John

I needed to talk to someone in real life. And she wondered why I had been isolating and not coming to the center.
I was staying home and not leaving the house. I would have rather done that than go out in public in diapers.
I'm starting to get over that. It comes and goes.....

Hello Justej, I'm just getting thru exactly what you are going thru. I ended up talking to family and friends and found that they really weren't that concerned about my incontinence. Sort of gee... that's too bad... so what's new.... I've come to find that people that aren't incontinent don't see it as a big deal. They certainly haven't judged me in any way. Although they do feel badly for me.

My sister is an RN and told me, "If you decide to wear diapers you'll be in good company. About half my patients wear diapers". I saw my therapist last Thursday and we discussed it. She had the same attitude as everyone else. "Gee, that's too bad". She went on to tell me that I'm getting older (God I hate that line- I'm not that OLD!) and you should expect some sort of health problems. She was really open about my condition and wanted to know all about it. She was interested but certainly not judgmental. So, I have to tell you, for those that aren't incontinent it's not a big deal that you are. They really don't care. Like I told my therapist, "it's not a big deal till you're the one in diapers". She chuckled and agreed. But told me don't worry about it no one judges you for something that is beyond your control. Take care,Ted

It gets better, least that's what my shrink tells me.... it really gets to me sometimes. Knowing I sacrificed my youth, innocence and health for what I did.... So yeah, hang in there.

_________________
When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

Marcus Aurelius

justej, that denial is more often called the binge-purge cycle. There are times when we are able to fully accept being incontinent (or otherwise needing diapers for what ever the reason) and will even embrace needing to wear those diapers. This is the binge part. Then there are times when we fall prey to the social stigma that diapers are for babies and adults should avoid them at any cost. this is the purge part. The more wild or severe the swing between the two, the more often it happens. The important thing in this case is to ignore that stigma and just learn to accept you are who you are and you need what you need- diapers and all. Of course, I'll be the first to tell you this is much harder done than it is said.