www.incontinentsupport.org

I know Im new here and I don't want to sound vulgar, but i have a question regarding a man I met the other day.

We had a discussion about incontinence and nerve damage as being the root cause, after he somehow noticed I was in a diaper. I told him that I have a neurogenic bladder, and that is why i have to wear diapers... He said that he too wears diapers due to nerve damage but as he lifted up his shirt to show me the waistband of his diaper, I glanced down and saw that he had a rather obvious erection down there.

I didn't want to be rude and say something, but that didn't seem to me as if he was telling me the truth.

Can you men out there still have erections, if your nerves down there don't work? I have no sexual sensation whatsoever after becoming neurogenic.

Lillidew,

Not all pelvic nerve damage is complete. The devil is in the details about which specific nerves affected and the extent of trauma. He can have nerve damage without having the nerves severed.

--John

Hmmm good to know. Thanx

I still felt a little creeped out by that sight though. I struggle to understand if he was turned on, by the sight of me, or the thought of him showing me his diaper... i guess noone will ever know but him. With all these Ab/Dl people out there, one can never be too sure.

Regadless of what is possible it is more likely he is diaper fhetish.

LilliDew, to get a bit technical, an erection is not necessarily caused by nerve sensation. An erection is technically caused by increased blood flow to the penis. The stimulus for this can be from physicall sensation or, as in the case of most men, visual or verbal stimulation. It can also be caused without stimulation or arrousal. There are many reasons for an erection without stimulation that would be affected by nerve stimulation. I don't know what caused this guy to have an erection at that moment. There could have been many contributing factors including something in the conversation that led up to that moment.

I hope that helps. Oh, and welcome to the site. I hope you find support and help here. We are a very friendly bunch and willing to offer advice and a place to vent when needed.

_________________
"Why is the rum always gone?" - Captain Jack Sparrow

"There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise." -
Gore Vidal

I agree that what this guy did was creepy. However, especially if he is dealing with a neurogenic situation, he may not have much control over whether he has an erection or not. However, if possible, I would keep my distance from him in the future.

First of all, to enter into a conversation about incontinence with a person whom you've just met seems highly UNlikely to me. That is, unless
that other person brings it up and that would be considered most intrusive, odd and flat out creepy to me, indeed. I've been bladder incontinent for more than twenty years
and have met a lot of people. This was NEVER one of the topics discussed right from the get-go. I can see where there was a definite 'creepiness factor' with this for you.

OTOH...the exception I can see might occur within a support group for those with incontinence. I've attended a few of those early on and it was
within the context of the group's basis for meeting that this could enter into a one-on-one conversation. But...never with the male sporting and erection!
In fact, the conversations among us were firstly supportive and then informative. Maybe some Q and A about products, experiences, basis for our
condition, etc. Still, it never went, "Oh, I see you are wearing a diaper!" I mean...that would be kind of a "duh" remark within the group I became
assosicated with. Should however, there be present an on-going relationship where perhaps one or both is incontinent and uses diapers, I can see where
intimate exchanges might occur...either to tell the other when asked....or as some sort of playful and private repartee. I've had several partners with
incontinence with whom this happened as a matter of comic relief to our situations, and I've heard a few others in a relationship make mention of their
own private cross-talk. Still, it's not excessive along this line.

That's my take on it. And as I've often said about living with incontinence and managing it..."few are the wiser"...and conversation over it is only entered
into with an even more "select few".

All in all, I'll concur with Vandel Fisher in his remark above.

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more i believe he had some measure of erotic pleasure... HE was the one to bring up the subject, asking me if i was incontinent. Obviously, he noticed my diaper, and wanted to know why i was wearing it. Unprovicated by me. The subject just came out of the blue, and like a fool i felt the need to explain myself. The "added" bulge up front he displayed in front of me appeared shortly after he lifted up his shirt, as if he enjoyed exposing his plastic waistband for all to see. I should have just kept this to myself and bore the burden of the image that could not be unseen. He was DEFINITELY a pervert. The more i think about it.

Hi LilliDew: First, welcome to the group. It's an incredible place for asking & sharing all kinds of great info.

Like others before me, what you describe does sounds *very* creepy. As a male, while in the uro's waiting room, and while noticing of others wearing diapers (gee, like that would be unexpected), I didn't approach them about their problems. Small talk, maybe; but nothing as personal as that.

As for "showing" others that I wear a diaper? I've *never* done that (at least not on purpose ). Why would I show a stranger my underwear; especially a member of the opposite sex??? I have had discussions with "strangers" about being incontinent and living life with diapers. But that's because my doc regularly "pimps me out" when he has a struggling patient in order to help out that patient. And that's by prior agreement/discussion. Even so, I've never flipped my shirt up and said "check me out". What's the value in that act? ... that just sounds plain wrong.

I would avoid him ... Something doesn't sound right.

Hi, I have a couple contradictyory thoughts about your situation.

First try not to make assumptions about the situation. True, he may be a DL, but he may not. As many of us know, our incontinecne can cause a pretty isolating situation for people. Many people don't feel comfortable, going in public or talking to other people because of thier fear that they may be noticed wearing diaper. This may be a young man, whom was feeling this loneliness, and truly wanted to connect with someone whom shares his condition. Also, not everyone has good social skills, so he may have had no idea how to truly act under the situation. Myself, prior to my incontinence, i remember several times when i was younger and talking to an attractive women, whom i was interested, and i often had no chacne with, i would get an erection, it felt awkard and uncomfortable, and i tried to do everything i could to hide it, but it happens. On the other hand he could be a pervert. I'd think about how else he acted in the conversation. Did he try to get a phone number, or or give you his phone number. Did he try to arrange other times to get together. What was he doing before he approached you. Was the diaper tucked into his waistband or hanging out of his waist band. Was he overly charming, or did he feel insincere in other ways, did you mention your long boyfriend and did he back off completely. Those may give you more clues to his purpose as well.

Secondly it is typically good to follow your instincts. Sometimes, they can lead us astray, but most of the time, they are right on. If you left feeling creeped out, then there is probably something that your brain picked up that is sending warning signals in your brain. So listen to that warning.

Best suggestion i can make at this point, If you run into him again or talk to him again, make sure to talk a lot about your boyfriend, how connected you are to him, how understanding he is, how much you love him. Bassicaly let him know without a doubt that he has no chance.