Subconscious or not, ScottK, the image of a ball and chain can weigh on your psyche (no pun intended  ) After a while, one cannot live in denial and expect to escape to dreams. Reality is reality and we have to play the cards we are dealt in life to the best of our ability. You will eventually find the answer to your question, even if at the end of the road there is no answer. If you look at the items that help you deal with this condition as both "jailing" and "humiliating" you can very easily sink into despair and head towards depression.
Thankfully you have this forum to vent to so that that does not afflict you.
To look at this another way, I have often counseled men and women with terminal cancer as part of my hospital ministry. In dealing with their families before, during, and after the death of the patient I have noticed the immense positive affect the attitude of the afflicted has on his or her family. Those who carried the heavy weight of the sickness with strength and dignity passed that strength to their loved ones. Their faith transferred as well, empowering those left behind with new purpose and meaning in life. Those who carried (or refused to carry) the sickness brought their despair to the family and along with it, fear, anger, denial, and mutual pain.
What we deal with in its multiple forms is humiliating, denigrating, and does indeed "shackle" us to our protection. But, our affliction is not (for the most part) life threatening. If we can carry our burden with dignity and self awareness of our worth as people, our affliction can empower others and give hope not just here on these boards, but to our loved ones and co-workers too.
Everyone has to deal with something. If it is not incontinence it will be something else. How you carry your issue can very well save another person dealing with his/her issue.
Sorry for my rant, but I have been reading some frustrations lately and wanted to try to lighten the burden, even if only a little.
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