Hello Fern, welcome to the Forum... it does a ton of good to read up here and know you are not alone in this. Having plumbing issues, as I like to term it, can be a challenge to deal with but it can be done. You are similar to me, I don't need anything at home, the bathroom is right here, it is out and about where I struggle too, and as sick of having to constantly be aware of where the next bathroom is at, so I use a diaper or external catheter and legbag system, solves that issue fast. I am covered if I can't make it, and can get to the loo when I can, but takes the worry out of it all, and made a huge difference in my quality of life, but took a long time to adjust to being in my 40' s too. It is not a common thing to have to cope with in our gender and age class, but it is out there, so keep your chin up!
I did use pull-ups for a good amount of time for the insurance factor, mostly at work, but that area of life has settled down as long as I stay on a bathroon schedule and don't get careless. Once you adapt to the using of whatever you decide to wear, life improves immensely as the worry factor is removed, dealt with that way too long and stayed home way too much when now I just get out. Feel free to ask whatever you need answers to, many knowlegable members in this group to take advantage of their know-how! 
Puffy