www.incontinentsupport.org

Hey all, wondering if anybody can share some experiences about dealing with your incontinence while on vacation. I'll be taking a long weekend trip to Chicago in a couple of months, which is my first real vacation since incontinence entered the picture in my life.

Two questions specifically:

First of all, we will be staying a couple of nights with a friend of wife's. Like all of our friends, she is unaware of my problem, as that information is kept on a need to know basis. Usually, I can get by fairly dry if I have easy access to bathrooms, and remain aware of myself. In fact when my grandmother died in September, I was able to stay at my parents house for a few days without them knowing. But, we'll be doing a lot of sightseeing, and bathrooms may not always be readily available, so there's a fairly decent chance that I'll need to dispose of "used product" at her place. On the other hand, there's also a pretty decent chance that I won't. So should I be upfront before we go and tell her, or should I hope for the best and only say something if I absolutely must?

Secondly, I can get by with minimal protection most of the time (Depend Guards for Men...highly recommended by me if you don't need more). Again, this is because of bathroom access and being aware of my needs. I don't know what the bathroom access will be like, and I plan on relaxing mentally (which can cause problems in it's own right). Given that, should I opt for more protection (like diapers), or plan on changing my pad whenever I can and hope they can hold?

Anyway, sorry for the long-winded nature of the post. Anything anybody can share is most appreciated!

I can't answer about whether or not to tell your wife's friend. People are so different. Some people can take the news about incontinence in a matter of fact way. Others make a big deal out of it, sometimes expressing sympathy and support in such an extreme way that it's not really helpful. Still others are indescrete and gossipy.

So far as the level of protection to wear, I'm a firm believer in being well protected so that my pants stay dry on the outside even after the worst possible accident. Some really embarrassing experiences in my younger and more reckless days have made me very cautious. On the other hand, I have urge incontinence and sometimes empty a very full bladder into my diaper. If you're really just a dribbler, you don't need the heavy-duty protection I wear.

I don't think this answer has been very helpful, but I think it's important that people's questions get some reply on this often not very busy forum.

I share your concern and I deprived myself of real vacation for longer than I care to remember; chosing day trips so as always to be able to return to the house each night for "safety" and disposal of used product during the day. Once I got over the worry, I go anyplace and have been "across the pond" many times to enjoy England, Scotland, Wales and, of course, Ireland!

I am not one who can share my incon problem! Like you, it is strictly a need to know. If there is any question at all, I don't tell. And, I've never seen a need to be "open" about my incon. After all, it is "my personal problem". So if we manage our "personal problem" I can see no guilt involved and any feeling like "I really ought to let so and so know...." Why? For what purpose? Really!

Having said that, I assume you will be meticulous to ensure no incon damage! That means no leaks on the furniture or bedding! So if disposal of used product is the only issue that troubles you, consider these ideas:

1. Do you walk for health? (Why not start if you don't.) Go for that fitness walk and take your used product with you and dispose in a public trash container or dumpster.

2. Disposal in the relatives trash...can you discretely get out to where their trash barrels are? The ones that will get hauled to the street? Would you feel "safe" throwing your well wrapped used product there? Why would they paw thru the rubbish?

3. Is there space in your suitcase to pack your used product and dispose after you disengage from the relatives? Worse case would be to pack the used stuff all the way home and dispose there. Double bag in zip lock bags will provide adequate protection for your good stuff in the suitcase. Odor will stay sealed in too, but you could go the extra mile with a great and effective deodarant such as "Fresh Again".

Note: whether public disposal or discrete disposal at relatives home, bring what you need for disposal bags. If you need camoflage, newspaper delivery bags that are blue or orange can provide a good cover over the clear disposal bag for some product that has bold markings...such as my Abena X Plus diapers! And supermarket bags will always work, if you can find opaque ones-not too hard-I never see clear supermarket plastic bags. the handles tie securely and you have a convenient "trash bundle" that does not disclose contents, can be carried along by the tied handles and dropped in any convenient receptical.

Planning ahead will save you lots of worry and concern and you'll develop your own ideas as you go along!

Now for adequate protection! Very important to protect you physically and to protect your secret and hence "peace of mind".

For this trip, don't take chances, forget the guards and pads. Since you can use a toilet a lot, go for the best in pull on product: the Medline Protection Plus extended wear/overnight. See our link for XP Medical. These are pull on underwear style diapers that are way ahead of all the other pull ons! And they have great capacity. For extra security (peace of mind) wear cotton boxer briefs over the pull ons and plastic pants over everything...again GOOD plastic pants such as Suprima (S1205)...never a sound from them and comfortable to wear.

For overnight, you didn't indicate if your incon was the same (you get up during the night and use the toilet) or worse, you don't wake up and wet all night. If you get up, I suspect the Medline pull ons will take care of you. If you don't get up, I'd suggest a "real" diaper like a Molicare or an Abena X-Plus....which are big enough to need that supermarket shopping bag for discrete disposal!

But in any event, you will protect the bed, won't you! For discreteness, you don't want to get even the sheet wet, let alone the mattress, so bring along a thin plastic sheet and plan to use a guest towel. Put the plastic down (even a garbage bag will serve for this one night duty safely) and put the towel on top of the plastic and sleep on that. Yeah, the plastic is slippery so if you move in your sleep, bring along diaper pins and pin the towel and the plastic to the top sheet, even the pad, to keep it from moving. Just pinning the four corners should be just fine unless you thrash like a wild man!

The most important thing is you are giving yourself time! You said the trip was a couple of months off. You have time to EXPERIMENT in the safety of your home. Get the Medline pull ons, get the Suprima plastic pants and then do the trial runs, just as tho you were at the relatives house.

Wear the pull ons all day as tho you were sight seeing or out and about...try to drink the same things you will be drinking at about the times you would when there. Duplicate conditions as much as you can to see how it goes. Heck, you may be so satisfied with the Medline pull on performance that you will find you won't need the hassle of finding the illusive rest room while you are out and about with the relatives!

And don't forget the bed! Treat your bed as if it were the relatives-put down whatever protection you are going to rely on and try sleeping on it and work the bugs out of the plan BEFORE you end up at the relatives house and start trying unproven plans! That's a disaster waiting to happen!

Once you do your "homework", you should feel very secure going and enjoying yourself!

By the way, I fully agree with Antguy and support his position which is wear enough protection! Better to be wearing a "lot" of diaper and not need it than to be wearing "inadequate" diapering and need it!

Joe K

Well, I am back from my vacation. I had a great trip, and I can't wait to go back. There's so much to do in Chicago, it's impossible to catch it all in 3 days without making your vacation more stressful than your life!

Protection-wise, I went with Abena's Abri-San Midi pad. More than sufficient! If you arent familiar with these, they are designed to go in briefs or mesh pants (I wore regular cotton briefs with no problem), but they are big and nicely absorbent. In my experience, they strech back to halfway up my backside. Between that and the absorbency, it's almost a diaper.

The hard part was staying with our friend. In retrospect, given the situation, I should have given her the straight skinny. She has a small, 1 bedroom apartment, so my wife and I slept on a futon mattress on the living room floor. I put too much time and effort into trying to hide things. I guess I would say that if you are staying with someone, assess the situation. You may be better off just being straight and telling your host about your problems. A little embarassment at first may save a lot later!

Well, I am back from my vacation. I had a great trip, and I can't wait to go back. There's so much to do in Chicago, it's impossible to catch it all in 3 days without making your vacation more stressful than your life!

Protection-wise, I went with Abena's Abri-San Midi pad. More than sufficient! If you arent familiar with these, they are designed to go in briefs or mesh pants (I wore regular cotton briefs with no problem), but they are big and nicely absorbent. In my experience, they strech back to halfway up my backside. Between that and the absorbency, it's almost a diaper.

The hard part was staying with our friend. In retrospect, given the situation, I should have given her the straight skinny. She has a small, 1 bedroom apartment, so my wife and I slept on a futon mattress on the living room floor. I put too much time and effort into trying to hide things. I guess I would say that if you are staying with someone, assess the situation. You may be better off just being straight and telling your host about your problems. A little embarassment at first may save a lot later!