www.incontinentsupport.org

I will be persueing the air force this spring. Just getting all my paperwork in order. Im sure it will be open and shut but as all things military go, you never know.

Good luck, can I assume that your incontinence has solved itself?

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Vicky Wells

No, due to nerve damage in my lower spine from the accident I will live with it forever, sorry a 99% chance that it will be forever. I dont hold much hope on the 1% chance it will ever get better. This is me now, its how I am, its not going to stop me doing anything I want to in life.

Then how can you join the Air Force?

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Vicky Wells

Oh no, sorry, my days of service are done,lol.

I just mean doing all the things that a regular person does thats all, vacations etc etc lol.

Well I have hung out on ab/dl chatrooms for a short while. i think everyone who searched initially for adult diapers got a certain chatroom as their first option to go to. When i first started using the internet in the late ninties i truely thought that this was how people who had incon dealt with problem. And where it may have been true that it was how some did deal with it, i soon found that they were few in numbers.

yes most of them were 'normal' whatever that is, i used to have some very interesting conversations with them, but i soon realized that there was a lot of serious extremists there, and they caused me.. shall we say disgust..

these guys would ask 'how did i become incon? and was it something they could do to themselves' i heard one guy who was using a coat hanger to damage himself to the point where he would be incon' i mean these guys were 'envious' of something i see as a curse that i would love to be rid of. i stopped going there when i found an alternate chat room that didnt allow ab/dl types in, the room was #inconchat, i used to go there and chat to slosher, bigtom, blue, and a guy in the uk.

i dont dislike ab/dls, i am a firm believer in to each their own.
but i started to become so angery at their constant questions about how does it feel? and them not accepting the fact that i hate every minute of wearing diapers.. i am not an angery person by nature, and i didnt like that a chatroomwas influencing the anger i was feeling. so i left, but after i found the guys on inconchat i didnt need to go to these places.

personally, i dnt feel that feeling pleasure or the feeling 'comfort' and 'security' that your ass is covered in the event of an accident, counts as being a dl, i think because i am going to have to wear diapers for whatever life i have left, and i cant see a future with the wearing of diapers, i think there has to be acceptance.. is it diaper loving? not in the slightest its more like diaper acceptence.

like i said,everyone has the right to wear what they want to, but when they start talking about ways to injure themselfs to become incon,instead of having balls to say hey i wear diapers, deal with it, then thats where i have the problems.

life and good health is worth more than any amount of money or precious metals, sad thing is,until you loose it,you dont realise just how much it is worth!

Mike

Mike - that was very well said. I can surely understand your feelings. I tried hanging out in ab/dl chat rooms many years ago and found it a huge waste of time. For me, it wasn't people trying to find out anything about incon, it was just nonsense junk, not even on topic. I guess I might have become disgusted too if I had experienced the same thing, but I didn't. I do believe that becoming a dl (as stated in a previous post, in my mind, that means diaper liker) is a way of coping with a tough situation. When I first became incon years ago, the availability of any disposable product was very marginal, way before depends. But the thought of even considering the use of diapers was disgusting to me, as well as embarrassing when I wet my pants. So when I realized that I really needed to find something that would allow me to get off the toilet and have a life, there were few alternatives. I found medical specialty stores sold Attends, but they were barely good for one wetting, many times not even that. I had a real tough time dealing with diapers until I got access to the Internet. When I found others dealing with the same things I was, I didn't feel as bad and embarrassed. It took time to become accustomed to wearing diapers but eventually I accepted the solution as being the best things that would let me live a near normal life. I think it took me getting to the point where I didn't care if people knew I was wearing diapers that I became comfortable with the whole deal. Until then, I was embarrassed to even leave the house. Now I don't care. I know that most of the time, I'm dry, and that is what counts. If someone notices that I am wearing a diaper, so what. I don't walk down the mall advertising my diapered state, but if I need to change in a public restroom, I no longer wait for the restroom to be clear before I take my wet diaper off and begin putting on a dry one and if anyone comes in, freezing still so no one notices what I'm doing. Now, I go in, take the wet one off, put new one on, and leave stall with old diaper in hand ready to throw away. Sounds so simple, but I remember that process taking 30 minutes or more and the fear I felt the whole time. All that is gone. Because I don't care. I don't care who knows, I don't care what others think, I don't care because I'm doing what is necessary to lead a normal life, whatever that means. I'm not going to live in fear and embarrassment any longer. It's not my fault, I don't have much other choices and this way works for me. Who cares what others think. It works. Fine!

Dan, I wish I could say that I also "don't care what people think", but I do. Even after 7 years plus of wearing diapers 24/7 I still do everything I can to hide my "condition." I would bet most here are that way also. We may (or may not) have accepted this as what we have to live with but I bet many or most still prefer keepiong it totaly Private. I find it frustrating and embarassing, stressful and a pain in the ass. I get angry at times and complaicent at other times. I deal with it - compared to Vietnam and the death of my wife it dosen't compare but it still drives me crazzy. We all are who we are and I for one would hide in a cave but don't. I plan, adjust and try to handle it without going off the edge (well far off the edge). As you are who you are so am I who I am.
As far as being AB or DL the answer to that is - in my mind - simple. If you were DL or AB - BEFORE you were incontinent than that is what you are. If you now feel that you are that way AFTER becoming incontinent I doubt you really are. This condition has many side affects and those are just 2. If it helps then for God's sake go for it. Not much else helps - except talking to friends here about it ALL. Papa

Papa - I really didn't mean to imply that I walk around exposing my diaper to all. Quite the contrary, I too take great pains to hide it, but what I meant is that at one time I was scared to death constantly that someone might find out. That is what I am saying that I don't care any longer. Other than my wife, I don't think anyone else knows. There may be a few that suspect something is different, but I don't think they really know anything. I think diapers are a drag too but it sure beats all the alternatives other than real control. It has taken a long time to deal with this stuff, going on 30 years now. I was so tired of being afraid of discovery for so long. I think once I accepted this and decided that the world would not end if someone discovered that I needed diapers, that is when it became much easier. I no longer live in dread that someone might find out that I wear diapers. I don't think many people would understand, although as I get older, maybe that is why I don't worry so much any more. I've gotten to the age where diapers are more common again. The old Phoenix riddle seems to apply here too.

Papa,
I definately care about what people think, I go to great lengths to hide every aspect of my illness, not just incon, i think illness in its various guises, is highly 'personal' and 'private', and i truely dont care for people to know whats going on. the only person i ever told outright to their face was a friend when i was going to spend some time with her and her family, i told her when she invited me to vacation at her home, case of having to you know? but i think other people do know and once they dont ask me about it, i dont mind, and if they did ask i would tell them to mind their own business! or.. ask them something outragiously personal in response! to play devils advocate
and you are right, there are worse things in life than incon, but damn it truely is a pain in the rear end!!

dangoch,
I think it is good that you have reached a stage where you can be not concerned too much about wearing diapers or people finding out.

i am the same way.. i have suffered with worsening incon problems since i was 21 and have been wearing diapers for most of that time, with them becoming 24/7 the past 15 years.. it is only really since my transplant that i have finally come to 'accept', i lost a lot of motor movement after the surgery as a side effect to anti rejection meds, became paralyised, and during the 5 1/2 weeks before i was able to finally get some independence back, virtually every nurse had seen my bare backside and changed diapers as and when needed, and i became numb to the embarressment that i felt, and i think this contributed to the acceptence as well..

i think it takes different people different lengths of time to finally 'accept', as papa quite rightly pointed out, we are all different, not in those words but i think thats what he implide. and we as different people, have different coping methods, and i think that once we cope with whatever we are dealing with, the method in which we do it, doesnt matter.

Mike