www.incontinentsupport.org

[quote="TalosGirl"]Hi everyone, and first of all sorry for the mistakes : I'm mostly french-speaking!
I've just discovered this forum, after some Google searches during a particularly hard period for me.
A bit of context : I'm 25yo, and because of a poorly treated immune disease I have a severe case of overactive bladder, leading to strong and unpredictable urges (fortunately, that's the only remaining symtom). I've been struggling with it for 6months now, and it seems to worsen. Now, if I don't know that I'll be able to run to the bathroom in less than 2mins, I have no choice but to wear a heavy protection ; FYI, I use the Attends Slip Active 9 (with tabs).
I'm having a hard time to deal with it emotionally. It will seem quite extreme, but some months ago I had suicidal thoughts because I spent some weeks completely isolated, fearing that my condition could be discovered.
Now I'm more or less socially active again, but I'm struggling with one specific issue : not panicking when I'm in public and I feel the urge coming, knowing that "it will be too late". I know that I'm protected obviously, but still, it's impossible for me not to loose my mind during those short minutes leading to the unavoidable accident. It's aways the same mounting panic, I become bright red and more and more aware of the fact that I won't hold it any longer.
Today was particularly traumatizing, that's why I'm here I guess. I was sitting in the bus when the urge came, but closely enough from my destination to think that maybe I could control it. 2mins later, huge traffic jam and I want to disappear...I become bright red, my eyes are watering and I can't help but sigh desperately. My neighbour saw that, and when she asked me if I was okay I lost control, both mentally and physically! I burst into tears, leaving her in complete disbelief, while my bladder lost the fight...

That's not the first time, and I can't stand it anymore : even if my accidents are not "visible" because those ugly diapers are at least reliable, I can't accept the situation and the panic is always unbearable.
I don't dare to see a therapist, but if you have any advice on how to manage it in a more serene way...I would be extremely grateful.

Sorry for the long post and have a nice day [/quote]

Wow Im so sorry to here of your issues. But I was once like you I was younger yet as i remember.
A little about me. Ive almost always had to wear some form of protection my whole life often Wore Pampers as a child till I outgrew them when as I remember maybe 10 or 11 years old . Switched to more of a small adult diaper pad etc. Early teen years I caught a break for a while not completely But then hit a major growing spirt and it was all down hill from there. By the time I was 18/19 in my early 20's I was dribbling leaking a little here and there and at times like you I'd flood. I know full well the helplessness you feel. I know what it is to be in a public place nowhere to run to and the urge comes on Unlike you i was just wearing light protection. Which often caused leaks at the worst time. Well one day it happen again I was with my newly married Husband We were at a shopping mall and that two min. urge came on tried to make it to the restroom NOPE failed stood behind a trash can leaving a puddle on the floor. Lucky I had a skirt or a dress on that day. End of shopping take Sandy home!
Long story short. That was the day my husband told me to start wearing full blown diapers. and learn to let go. It took awhile but in the long run it was for the best. It opened up a whole new freedom for me.

I have more to share with you But Im being paged to go to our Shop. Ill be back.............Sandy

Sorry to hear about your condition and the mental strain it puts you through. Others have given good advice, but I'll join the bunch. I am not yet thirty and I have problems with frequent urination, OAB, bladder pains and incontinence. The pain is probably the worst part for me. I know how bad it may feel to have these issues. However, you can control the embarassment by having, as Sociologygeek suggested, a good and reliable protection. A wet brief is much easier to cope with than wet pants. As to how to control the panic: you may try learning what is called deep breathing, a technique that involves really using your diaphragm to take deep breaths. That helps to get over the fear of death and fligh-or-fight reactions so common to panic attacks. Of course I do not know if this stress relief could help you control your bladder. Maybe not, but at least it could help you with the emotional distress you are going through. Scheduled visits to the toilet may also help: bladders can be taught to a certain extent and you may be able to build greater confidence in your ability to control your bladder. The mind is a powerful thing.

Secondly, I do believe that you should see a therapist as they can really help you with overcoming anxiety and fear, but of course only if you feel like it. I think you should give it a try, though. They may also be able to give you advice and techniques for controlling the panic.


I know you often feel terrible and maybe worried if anyone would accept you if they heard you had these problems and that you wear protection. But why wouldn't they? Some people wear glasses, others need medication for whatever illness they have. Wearing protection is no different.Also, having incontinence and/or other urinary problems at a young age can be very harmful to self-esteem and activity: you may want to isolate yourself, but please don't. As you told yourself, you had suicidal thoughts and felt very bad. Try to be active, meet people and friends and if you feel like it, tell somewone you trust. I've certainly told a few trustworthy people and they have been very understanding and supportive. I know from personal experience and from others too that partners also tend to emphatize with and accept a partner who has incontinence issues. It is not the dysfunctional bladder people love, it is the person. So, in case you are worried as we young people tend to be, whether we will ever be loved despite our health problems, stay positive. Relationships often come and go, but people tend to accept their partners as they are.
Of course, this is just a suggestion. If you don't want to tell anyone in person, you certainly don't have to. However, holding on to the secret may be heavy and stressful.

Try this (and I know it sounds like a cliché): ask yourself, does the health problem you have determine your worth as a human in the eyes of others or in your own eyes? And why could that be?

Try listing all the good things in your life and focus on them as much as you can. You may also want to plan ahead and consult your doctor or pharmacist or an incontinence nurse about the options you may have in terms of protection and possible medication to control both the urge issues you have and the parasympathetic reactions such as blushing and tearing up.

It is also a good thing that you've found your way to this community and are able to discuss your experiences here.

I wish you happy days, health, courage and acceptance!

_________________
Linja-autojen ja rakkauden perässä voi juosta tai odottaa seuraavaa.

I would echo the great advice you've already received. I've struggled with urge incontinence and been in and out of diapers for my entire life, and full-time since 2006. Without a premium diaper on, my risk of an extreme wetting incident is significant. For the extra protection I also use a booster pad and plastic pants. Even with the best protection, it took quite awhile before I became comfortable with being incontinent and diapered, especially at night, when I had difficulty going back to sleep after wetting my diaper. It just takes time, and understanding and empathetic people to speak with when you're upset about this.