www.incontinentsupport.org

Its interestimg how we all seem to feel the same way about changing in front of our spouse's even though they are 100% supportive in our need for protection.

we can wear only a diaper infront of them and not think any about it but when it comes down to changing we stress about putting the diaper on in front of them.

My wife always asks why I seldomly put a diaper on with her in the room I really do not know why it is an issue since she always says it doesent bother her.

i guess it boils down to even though we have accepted we need diapers deep down inside we all still feel embaressed that we have to wear them. and when we change infront of some one it re enfources the deep feelings even though its no issue to wear just a diaper around the house. ( its just the two of us )

[quote] we can wear only a diaper infront of them and not think any about it but when it comes down to changing we stress about putting the diaper on in front of them. [quote]

Very interesting that we are so similar in this and so very true. I really had not thought about this and am unsure what psychology applies here.

--John

My wife is supportive, verbally, but I sometimes fear she doesn't meant it deep down. She's told me that she feels like the diapers get in the way of our intimacy. Also, I remember one of first times I experienced a bad leak at night, I tried to warn her that the bed was wet, and her body pillow was damp on my side, and not to move until I got a towel. Her response was to practically hiss at me, "what did you do!?!". Admittedly, she was barely awake, and very disoriented, and didn't remember it in the morning, but it crushed me.



I sometimes wish my wife would volunteer this. Not because I have any fantasies to this end, but just because I feel like a I could know that she truly accepts me, and my condition, without reservation. It would also be a degree of intimacy and vulnerability I don't feel like we've had for some years.

I have been trying to figure this out too since it was first posted. There really is nothing I can come up with to explain why can sleep/walk around with nothing on but diapers and plastic pants and cringe if I am changing my diapers and hear my wife coming up the stairs and knowing there is nothing I can do to avoid being seen in the middle of a diaper change. When I was "out of service" with the rotator cuff and broken arm she diapered me, at least at night since I switched to disposables during the day and suffered through slow diaper changes on my own. I am a "bit" stubborn. Believe me, who ever mentioned it, there is nothing "intimate" about having to have your wife change your diapers. Why wearing openly is not a problem and yet being seen changing ones diapers is baffles me also.
I had a friend who lost a leg in Nam, he was not sensitive about me seeing him with it on but always asked for privacy when attaching the prostatic. Kind of the same thing in a way. It is what it is I guess. Papa

I have really enjoyed reading the various replies to my original post and they have made me think a little deeper into the "why" of my original post. It may be that we don't have a problem wearing diapers in front of our spouse since that is something of a "passive" act whereas actually putting on a diaper is an overt action that clearly states " I am actively wearing diapers". I suspect there is a a whole lot deeper psychology going on than what I've stated here but maybe it touches on the underlying cause of our embarrassed feelings.

I've been reading this thread since the beginning and didn't know how to respond.  It touched a nerve that has been bothering me a lot.

I don't wear all of the time,  only when away from home for more than a couple of hours .  But my partner knows when I do. (I'm not heading to the bathroom every 1-2 hours) We just don't talk about it much.  I know he knows when I'm wearing,  he knows I know,  and it's no big deal.

However on rare occasion that he's walked in on me actually putting on  a diaper it's been mortifying for me,  and I suspect awkward for him.  Maybe it's me projecting my feelings.  I just don't know. It's a very difficult matter to talk about with those that are important to me.

Are there any spouses out there that are willing to talk  about their feelings on this topic ?  The anonymity of the forum here makes it easier for me to talk about a lot of things that are difficult face-to-face.

Padded53's observation of "active"  vs.  "passive" acts resonates with me.

Denial?  Nope not me.

Mike, How our spouses feel is really not the point and could start a conversation that could go anywhere, good and or bad. Even if they said it was no big deal for them, it still will be for us. We are the ones who have the hang-ups about changing our diapers in front of them. I would like to say that time will make us more at ease but it has been 14 years for me and I still feel embarrassed, which is in a way odd since in the very beginning (when I believed it was for only 3-6 months) I had no problem changing diapers in front of her. That changed oddly when it became obviously it was for life. Everything about having to wear and use diapers can cause, and has caused, all sorts of emotional and mental swings. Some mild some extreme. When I think I have it all in control...BOOM! It has caused me more anxiety than Vietnam did. Papa

I've had a few serious medical events which have left me with some mild permanent disability. I'm not embarrassed to change my pull-ups in front of my husband, I just prefer not to do that. I don't use the toilet with him in the room or with the door open, either. I think it's rude to address one's bodily functions in the presence of another person, regardless of the level of the relationship to that person. I get it that guys line up and pee in a urinal in front of strangers, but y'all don't take your pants off/down, and aren't there little partitions between the basins (sometimes)?

I think guys are embarrassed about changing in front of their spouse/partner because they feel infantile, frail, elderly, and less masculine, or a combination thereof, when they mess a diaper. I personally think that's a waste of emotion, because, IMO, removing dirty absorbent underwear should be done in private anyway. Would you change in front of your co-workers, friends, neighbors, etc.?

W.

This is an interesting conversation, and it reflects the changing attitude(s) in our society. Although private functions are just that, private, their definition is changing before our eyes. Gender identity is more fluid than oldsters ever thought possible. Upon returning home from various medical/surgical procedures, I have been helpless for a day or two afterwards, unable to care for myself, because the anesthesia interacted with my inner ear disease. I simply could not control my body enough to brush my teeth, let alone wash and change my protection. I needed the assistance of a caregiver, or my wife, or indeed anybody willing and able. A month ago I had a Tumarkin's incident in my garden; I collapsed. There were no broken bones, but it reminded me that I could injure myself with every step, every waking moment. But I cannot stop living, which makes my acceptance of assistance necessary, if embarrassing.

Likewise, I can "sleep/walk with nothing on but diapers"; but when I was in the midst of a diaper change and my wife came by ... ... I also cringed! She's helped me change in the past and that was not a problem. But if I was changing and she walked in then *bamm*, I felt like I was doing something "bad" or "dirty". It was the strangest, most unexplainable emotion. And consider this ...

A few months ago, I went to my GP for a regular physical. Of course, the diaper stayed on till the last moment. Then the old diaper came off, he did his final exams, and then it was time for me to get dressed. He waited while I put on a new diaper, got dressed and then we went back to his office to discuss the results. I didn't feel at all awkward while I put on the new diaper! Yet I would've felt strange if I was doing that same thing front of my spouse. Was I nuts or what?

I don't have any explanation for this quandary of emotions. But that is how I felt!